guys,what would you do(girls,what do you think I should do?)

[jsluder]

Hey Lamby, is this a pic of your first date?

[Cynth]

I wouldn't want to give the idea that a man wearing normal glasses would be at a disadvantage when attempting to make friends with a woman.

Why not? It is for women.

Oh, surely that idea about glasses is passe, Lamby. Or, let's put it this way. Someone who is put off by glasses would not be someone I would be interested in spending time with anyway. Not that I am looking, of course. But it would just indicate such stupidity. I would rather read a book than spend time with someone like that.

[amar]

I wouldn't want to give the idea that a man wearing normal glasses would be at a disadvantage when attempting to make friends with a woman.

Why not? It is for women.

Oh, surely that idea about glasses is passe, Lamby. Or, let's put it this way. Someone who is put off by glasses would not be someone I would be interested in spending time with anyway. Not that I am looking, of course. But it would just indicate such stupidity. I would rather read a book than spend time with someone like that.

yeah, you like guys with glasses, eh?

[Cynth]

Why not? It is for women.

Oh, surely that idea about glasses is passe, Lamby. Or, let's put it this way. Someone who is put off by glasses would not be someone I would be interested in spending time with anyway. Not that I am looking, of course. But it would just indicate such stupidity. I would rather read a book than spend time with someone like that.

yeah, you like guys with glasses, eh?

Glasses are okay. That jacket and shirt and hair are not just unattractive, they are nausea-inducing.

I have a platinum library card.

Well, better that than time wasted with fools.

[Wanderer]

Why not? It is for women.

Is it? Every woman I've ever dated has worn glasses...

[s1m0n]

Only the brave deserve the fair, Amar. Ask her out and do it in person.

I have a long explanation for why this is what you should do, but I don't have time to post it.

In short, 'romance' is the conspicuous display of commitment, and it's more convincing if it comes as a bit of a sacrifice. That sacrifice can (at various times in a romance) be in the form of time, of money, of attention, etc., but in the initial stages it's commonest in the form of risk to dignity.

The rules of dating say that men are almost always supposed to make the first overt move, and so to risk rejection and loss of face. Suck it up; that's a job you'll have to learn to do if you're going to date.

Someone who overcommits is creepy, but undercommitment--like a note--is underwhelming. If you can't be arsed to risk being shot down for the chance to win her fair hand, then she won't feel all that inclined to take you seriously.

So put on your winningest smile and ask her out. Ask her for something more meaingful than just "coffee" or whatever--ask her to dinner. Make it clear you're paying, so it's clear its a date. "Can I buy you dinner sometime?" or "Can I take you to dinner on Thursday?" are the preferred formulae. Be specific--avoid the urge to be vague.

The 'rules' (ie, cultural and biological conditioning) say that the woman gets the right to maintain maximum ambigiuty at the expense of the man. Avoid open-ended requests, even though that's what you want--you wanna know she's interested before you risk making an ass of yourself. However, unless she's VERY interested, she'll resist making an open-ended commitment, like an expression of general interest.

~~

And if none of that works, offer to show her your tatoo.

[peeplj]

I agree with the general concensus: ask her out in person, face to face.

If you ask enough women nicely, some will say yes. Of course, others may slap you...it all depends on what you ask them.

The occasional slap is well worth the occasional "yes."

--James

[Boo]

Popular misconception: Attractive women get asked out all the time.

Not true, but men think so so they don't ask...and 'cause they're intimidated.

The exception is if she hangs out regularly in pick-up bars, in which case, she's propositioned a lot but not often by nice guys she'd want to date.

Ask her out. She'll be flattered and, as you've gotta know, flattery will get you everywhere.

[SteveShaw]

You could ask me out for a drink without a note any time, Amar old son. Just a couple of rules: you don't get to go back to your place alone until you've bought me eight pints of Doom, and I am not paying my own fare to Basle.

Steve

[Doug_Tipple]

I didn't read through all of the replies, so I may repeat what someone else has said. Amar, I think that I would ask someone that regularly works on that ward a question about the woman that you are interested in. You may find out some important information that you might like to know prior to asking her out for dinner. Also, asking a polite question of a co-worker may have a way of getting through the grapevine very quickly. Pssst! "The new doctor on the ward is asking about you?"

[Cynth]

The 'rules' (ie, cultural and biological conditioning) say that the woman gets the right to maintain maximum ambigiuty at the expense of the man. Avoid open-ended requests, even though that's what you want--you wanna know she's interested before you risk making an ass of yourself. However, unless she's VERY interested, she'll resist making an open-ended commitment, like an expression of general interest.

I realize that in general the man is expected to make the first move although it seems stupid.

But these 'rules', I don't quite understand what you mean.

If I was interested in someone, I reckon I would try to convey that somehow---I mean, how could you help it? Perhaps some women don't blush as easily as I do. Obviously I wouldn't be wanting to make some sort of commitment until I knew the person better, but I don't recall feeling like playing hard-to-get was what I wanted to do when I liked someone.

If I didn't like someone, I didn't go out with him. If I thought I might like someone and went out with him and found out I didn't, I didn't go again. I think if someone I really hardly knew asked me out and I thought he might be nice I sometimes went, but I couldn't have been expected to express real interest in him until I knew him better. I wouldn't really call that being ambiguous, it would just be honest.

I was most comfortable paying my own way or paying the next time if it was clear there would be a next time. It that bothered someone, I knew right then and there what I needed to know.

These "rules" sound like rules for women that aren't very nice.

[Whistlin'Dixie]

Amar, I think that I would ask someone that regularly works on that ward a question about the woman that you are interested in. You may find out some important information that you might like to know prior to asking her out for dinner. Also, asking a polite question of a co-worker may have a way of getting through the grapevine very quickly. Pssst! "The new doctor on the ward is asking about you?"

Here, I think, is some very good advice.

I have little else to add.

My husband, of almost 25 years, just came right up and started a conversation with me. He was nice and friendly, and interested. That's what most women like.

M

[amar]

rats, got a boyfriend. oh well. was a good try.

[Lambchop]

rats, got a boyfriend. oh well. was a good try.

Amar, she has a boyfriend NOW. That's no reason to give up. She might not have him next week, but even if she does, and even if you're not her type, if you get to know her and make interesting, friendly conversation, she will possibly fix you up with someone nice.

[Feadin]

rats, got a boyfriend. oh well. was a good try.

Welcome to the club pal!
It's always the same... nice girls always have a boyfriend already...
Get a beer, play some tunes and you'll soon forget... about her boyfriend!