guys,what would you do(girls,what do you think I should do?)

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:33 pm

amar wrote:hmmm, I'll see if I can find the guts and ask her on Friday.

Dude, I speak from personal experience. Women respond to confidence (as opposed to arrogance). A note does not give off the aura of confidence.

I used to be painfully shy. I forced myself to get over it.

The cheesy pickup line sometimes works if she thinks it's funny, but the odds are, she'll just think it's cheesy, so go with the sane approach. Go up to her, and just talk to her...don't worry about asking her out. Just talk about something mundane, like the traffic or something. Keep it light--for instance, don't start bitching about how they need to fix the goddamn turn signals at the interchange or whatever. Unless she's in a hurry, upset, or just doesn't like you, you should find some common ground to talk about...you can then practice a little "sharing". I know this is hard for guys.

Tell her a little about what you like to do, what kind of neat things there are to do around where you live, etc. Listen to her when she talks about the things she likes, and show you're paying attention by asking questions or using what she's said to further the conversation.

You might find out that she's not that interesting, or she's married, or she doesn't seem to like you. But, barring all of that, if she seems nice, and seems kind of receptive, then you can ask her out. Or maybe wait until you've talked to her a couple more times. Once you've gotten relaxed in the conversation, it'll be a lot easier. Trust me. For instance, once you've talked about the kinds of movies you both like, it's a lot easier to say something like "hey, the new Harry Potter's opening soon...think you might want to go see it with me? My treat.." (by now, you should know if she likes harry potter or not..heh

)

Then again, I picked up a couple of women last St. Paddy's Day by walking straight up to them carrying a couple of glasses and asking "Hey..do either one of you ladies like vodka?"

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:39 pm

Okay, first you have to lose the glasses.

Second, I would say, as I think someone else did, how about asking her if she'd like to have a coffee together sometime. It is okay to act nervous. That shows that you are not assuming you are God's gift to women, which is a real turn-off in my opinion. Coffee is a very casual thing---you could suggest somewhere by the hospital where you could walk. Coffee is no big deal. It is not threatening. It is a pleasant baby step. It is just a chance to maybe have a nice chat. Don't turn it into a bigger deal than it is. Drinks and bars and dim lighting just seem a little more forward to me.

I would not send a note myself.

If she cannot go out with you, she will tell you so in a nice way. It does not mean there is something wrong with you----we would know by now if that was the problem. It is her situation. I understand that it feels nervewracking, but just try to keep in mind that she is not saying you are an idiot, she is just saying that she can't, for whatever reason, join you for coffee.

She might be wanting you to ask her out. Did you ever think of that?

amar · Post by **amar** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:46 pm

thanks y'all for the good advice.
By the way, I wear contact lenses. And I'm the last man on earth that thinks he's a God-given gift for the ladies.

missy · Post by **missy** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:46 pm

have to say I'm against the "note" thing, too.

Just talk to her. If things seem to be at least somewhat pleasant, you can bring up getting together.

However.......

Do NOT take it as an insult if she says no. When I WAS single, I had a rule that I would NOT date anyone I worked with. The one time I "violated" that rule, it turned out horribly, because I still had to work with that person afterwards, and since there was a reason I didn't continue the relationship (he was an A@@, basically), it was VERY uncomfortable.

But I wanted to warn you that a lot of people have that unspoken rule and may not be willing to break it. No reflection on you at all.

amar · Post by **amar** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:51 pm

missy wrote:have to say I'm against the "note" thing, too.

Just talk to her. If things seem to be at least somewhat pleasant, you can bring up getting together.

However.......

Do NOT take it as an insult if she says no. When I WAS single, I had a rule that I would NOT date anyone I worked with. The one time I "violated" that rule, it turned out horribly, because I still had to work with that person afterwards, and since there was a reason I didn't continue the relationship (he was an A@@, basically), it was VERY uncomfortable.

But I wanted to warn you that a lot of people have that unspoken rule and may not be willing to break it. No reflection on you at all.

Oh I'd never be insulted if she'd say no. That's just part of life.

BillChin · Post by **BillChin** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 12:53 pm

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Ditch the note, those have NEVER worked for me. Strike up a casual conversation, no need to ask her out the first time you talk to her. If there is a holiday coming up, ask her if she has plans. The answer will sometimes give an indication if she is attached (e.g. "I'm going away for the weekend with my boyfriend," or "nothing special, probably catch up on sleep and errands.")

Maybe you can just happen to be where she is going to be when she is walking off shift or going on break or something. A warm smile and eye contact is a start, if conversation is too tough. If she smiles back, it may be a false signal. However, if she gives the cold eyes dead-ahead look, odds are good that she is NOT interested. If she flips her hair with her hand, that again can be a false signal, but it is an instinctual response of preening to make herself look good.

Humor can be an ice breaker, as can music, but these are not always easy in a work environment. Good luck and go for it, it will be so much easier next time.

Celtic983 · Post by **Celtic983** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:02 pm

Amar, just do what Andy Stewart said
"Take her in your arms
And tell her that you love her
Take her in your arms
And hold that woman tight
Won't you take her in your arms
And tell her that you love her
If you're going to love a woman
Then be sure and do it right"

She'll either

or

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:21 pm

BillChin wrote:The answer will sometimes give an indication if she is attached (e.g. "I'm going away for the weekend with my boyfriend," or "nothing special, probably catch up on sleep and errands.")

It's been my experience that a woman will bring up her boyfriend/husband/kids in the first 10 minutes of conversation, no matter what you're talking about.

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:27 pm

Ask her out for coffee, not for a drink. Seems less threatening somehow. But hey, I'm no Romeo.

One other idea: bring some good Indian snack to work, and offer her some to open up a dimension of yerself to her. i dunno... just seems like a friendly way to set up a dialogue.

Crevan · Post by **Crevan** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:42 pm

Another vote for lose the note.

I usually make friends first. It takes the pressure off and then I also have a better idea if I even want to move forward as well as how receptive she would be if I asked. I'm also for the coffee idea. It's more of a friendly activity than romantic--it's good to start small. If I have to bail out on the idea, then hey, I have a new friend at work. To summarize, I like to get a bit comfortable with someone before I make my interest well known. You might not have time for this strategy though!

Tyghress · Post by **Tyghress** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:46 pm

A note? A NOTE?????

No, Amar. Notes are what you give you teacher for excuses. Face to face is what you do when you want to spend time with someone face to face.

Good luck! You're a natural charmer. Go be charming.

Lambchop · Post by **Lambchop** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:50 pm

OK, fine. Someone disagreed already. Nevermind.

flanum · Post by **flanum** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:14 pm

GO WITH THE NOTE MAN!

In fact go one step better, run on a few minutes ahead of her to the outside of the staff cafeteria and with a wet finger, write "hey babes, me and you?" on the window in backwards writing.
Then hide behind the wall, and when she is inside and seated with a few colleagues and about to take a mouthful of food, bang on the window from the outside and then when she looks over, use your HOT breath to reveal the words on the window. All the while pointing to her and then to yourself and then making the international jiggy jig hand signal(slipping your finger on your left hand through the "o" between your thumb and forefinger on your right hand)!

Guarenteed result!

djm · Post by **djm** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:17 pm

Hey, I LIKE it!

djm

amar · Post by **amar** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:21 pm

flanum wrote:GO WITH THE NOTE MAN!

In fact go one step better, run on a few minutes ahead of her to the outside of the staff cafeteria and with a wet finger, write "hey babes, me and you?" on the window in backwards writing.
Then hide behind the wall, and when she is inside and seated with a few colleagues and about to take a mouthful of food, bang on the window from the outside and then when she looks over, use your HOT breath to reveal the words on the window. All the while pointing to her and then to yourself and then making the international jiggy jig hand signal(slipping your finger on your left hand through the "o" between your thumb and forefinger on your right hand)!

Guarenteed result!

that didn't work last time, I just don't know why, that's why this time I must try sumptn else!