table manners

[Cynth]

[Flyingcursor]

It's a matter of 'when in Rome,' I think.

Exactly.

I draw the line at blowing bubbles in my milk through a straw.
It is not only proper but always a hoot at formal dining engagements.

I must apologize for referring to Cranberry's refectory as a "chow-hall". I will use the term "slop-chute" in the future.

[Jack]

Woah, there are three pages already? Haha.

I tend to take Olive's attitude toward the whole thing.

I would never eat at a "formal" restaurant (I don't eat out, period) or have dinner with kings and royalty (that seems a very unQuakerly thing to do), so I don't think I will have to learn which way the fork shall point to signal that I am finished eating, thankfully.

I just wanted to know the "why" of these silly rules, and I've gotten some sort of an answer. Thanks all!

[fearfaoin]

The point is, Cranberry has no idea, and has already been socially embarrassed amongst his peers as a result of his ignorance. Wisely, he has asked questions, and one presumes has done so to prevent any further embarrassment.

I think you're reading too much into this. Cran was corrected by a
peer, and not in earshot of others, if his original post tells correctly.
I would like to know what would have happened if Cran had passed
along the peer's remarks to any others at the table (which would, of
course have been rude). If this person had said this in the North
Carolina State University Veterinary School's dining hall, he/she would
have been told very loudly to mind their own damn business, and would
henceforth have been concidered a prudish pariah. Perhaps if Cran told
this friend they were being anal, he would be saving them from fuuture
social outcastery.

That being said, I agree with Gary that this should be a learning experience,
and that's why Cran first posted, I believe. Unfortunately, you're probably
going to have to read a Miss Manners book to find out, it seems.

It's a matter of 'when in Rome,' I think.

Agreed.

[Jack]

Oh, I didn't feel "socially embarrased." I more felt sorry for people who hold to such ornate food rituals more than I felt socially embarrased for myself. *shrug*

[Wombat]

Oh, I didn't feel "socially embarrased." I more felt sorry for people who hold to such ornate food rituals more than I felt socially embarrased for myself. *shrug*

You feel sorry for them? You think they are unhappy or something?

They know exactly what they are doing.

[Jack]

Oh, I didn't feel "socially embarrased." I more felt sorry for people who hold to such ornate food rituals more than I felt socially embarrased for myself. *shrug*

You feel sorry for them? You think they are unhappy or something?

They know exactly what they are doing.

I'm sorry for them because they're caught up in that kind of thing and don't even realise how petty it is (not that I'm not also caught up in a lot of petty stuff, too, though ).

[Wombat]

Oh, I didn't feel "socially embarrased." I more felt sorry for people who hold to such ornate food rituals more than I felt socially embarrased for myself. *shrug*

You feel sorry for them? You think they are unhappy or something?

They know exactly what they are doing.

I'm sorry for them because they're caught up in that kind of thing and don't even realise how petty it is (not that I'm not also caught up in a lot of petty stuff, too, though ).

A high proportion of all the rule governed things we do are arbitrary. You can only avoid it by avoiding human contact altogether.

For some people, maintaining class distinctions is as important a task as they will ever do. Of course it can be ridiculous—think of Hyacinthe Bucket—but remember that she is only pretending to be genteel. It can be screamingly funny; check out a Noel Coward 'best of' album some time. But arbitrary aspects of manners don't only define class. They define what groups you belong to, your group identity. Groups of friends develop arbitrary codes that tell them who is in and who isn't—patterns of speech, dress, greetings and so forth.

It's a mistake to think that people caught up in this stuff don't know they are. Everybody (even a hermit) is caught up in group identification. It's probably better to be aware of this stuff than simply driven by it, if only because it gives you the power to choose which groups you belong to. But it doesn't give you the power to bypass game playing; nothing can give you that power.

[Cynth]

It's a matter of 'when in Rome,' I think.

Agreed.

Actually, GaryKelly said this, but I do whole-heartedly agree.

I come from a culture where table manners are non-existant [sic] because growing up we didn't have a kitchen table. Much of my family don't have a table in the kitchen, or if they do it's used for shelving and nobody ever sits there to eat, etc.

I always knew that "proper table manners" existed because I heard about them on the TV, but my family always ate on the couch or in our bedrooms. Always.

Woah, there are three pages already? Haha.

I tend to take Olive's attitude toward the whole thing.

I would never eat at a "formal" restaurant (I don't eat out, period) or have dinner with kings and royalty (that seems a very unQuakerly thing to do), so I don't think I will have to learn which way the fork shall point to signal that I am finished eating, thankfully.

I just wanted to know the "why" of these silly rules, and I've gotten some sort of an answer. Thanks all!

Oh, I didn't feel "socially embarrased." I more felt sorry for people who hold to such ornate food rituals more than I felt socially embarrased for myself. *shrug*

I'm sorry for them because they're caught up in that kind of thing and don't even realise how petty it is (not that I'm not also caught up in a lot of petty stuff, too, though ).

I must say your first post made it sound as though you came from a somewhat disadvantaged background---"I come from a culture where table manners are non-existant because growing up we didn't have a kitchen table."

It is true that you simply asked "why" about the fork thing and not about manners in general. Unfortunately, many people, taking rather seriously the statement that "table manners are non-existant [sic]" in your background, spent a fair amount of time thinking about this situation and endeavored to offer general advice to you.

All I can say, and I'm sure this won't disturb you, is that I shan't be wasting my time this way again.

[SteveShaw]

Man: "Where's me fork and knife?"

Waiter: "Under yer fork 'n' nose!"

Steve

[SteveShaw]

If I were dining with the Queen then I'd want a great deal of instruction in Royal table etiquette.

If I were dining with the Queen I'd deliberately let out the biggest, loudest f*rt I could possibly muster.

Steve

[Cynth]

If I were dining with the Queen then I'd want a great deal of instruction in Royal table etiquette.

If I were dining with the Queen I'd deliberately let out the biggest, loudest f*rt I could possibly muster.

Steve

Why hold back, dude? Just get out that harmonica and let her know what you really think.



I couldn't help myself, Steve. I just couldn't. I really do like the harmonica a lot and you're a doll.

[SteveShaw]

If I were dining with the Queen then I'd want a great deal of instruction in Royal table etiquette.

If I were dining with the Queen I'd deliberately let out the biggest, loudest f*rt I could possibly muster.

Steve

Why hold back, dude? Just get out that harmonica and let her know what you really think.



I couldn't help myself, Steve. I just couldn't. I really do like the harmonica a lot and you're a doll.

[Dale]

If I were dining with the Queen then I'd want a great deal of instruction in Royal table etiquette.

If I were dining with the Queen I'd deliberately let out the biggest, loudest f*rt I could possibly muster.

Steve

Let me check the etiquette books on that one. I'll get back to you.

[SteveShaw]

If I were dining with the Queen I'd deliberately let out the biggest, loudest f*rt I could possibly muster.

Steve

Let me check the etiquette books on that one. I'll get back to you.

Heheh. I hope the book advises you to consume a trough of baked beans the day before the royal banquet!

Steve