Almost a Feghoot

[Darwin]

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces.

He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

[djm]

That is soooo bad!


djm

[carrie]

I love a joke like that.

Here's another joke, which has absolutely nothing to do with yours, but represents the joke that is currently holding the title "the one joke I can keep in my head at a time." It comes to you courtesy of my 16 yr old daughter.

How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four.

One to unscrew the bulb and put the new one in.
One to kick the ladder out from under him.
One to say, "Dude, that was SO punk rock."
And one to say, "Shut up, Mike!"

[scottielvr]

At 121 words, Darwin's is a flash-Feghoot.

Feghoots are fun. If you're wondering whatthefeck is a Feghoot:

"Reginald Bretnor (1911-1992) was born in Vladivostok, Siberia. The family moved to San Diego, California, in 1920. He is best known for his invention of the "Feghoot," extremely short stories which end with a pun. Under the pseudonym Grendel Briarton, he penned Through Time and Space with Ferdinand Feghoot, a series of shaggy-dog-story SF puns which ran for years in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, Venture, and Asimov's Science Fiction. A Feghoot collection was published by Paradox Press (1962) and Mirage Press published two other editions: The Compleat Feghoot and The (Even More) Compleat Feghoot. His final novel was Schimmelhorn's Gold, a collection of Bretnor's stories about an oversexed octogenarian idiot/genius."

Here's another short one:

Another Musical Feghoot
by Jim Goldfrank

While on my visit to England in March of 2012, Ferdinand Feghoot took me to a showing of men's beach apparel for the coming season. A male model strolled onto the runway showing a minimum bathing suit. The front was strategically placed to cover his male anatomy. The rear was only a small strip of cloth down the center of his rear cleavage. On either side of this strip was a gorgeous set of buttocks. Reading the program, I commented to Feghoot that the model's name was Danny Callahan, known as "Danny Boy" to his intimates. "Do you know him?", I asked. "I know him well," Feghoot replied. "And to you he may be Danny Boy, but to me he is the London Derriere."

[flanum]

A young lad is totally into tractors. He subscribes to the latest magazines, he knows the latest models etc. One day however, he sees a tractor kill a dog and he becomes less and less interested in tractors because every time he thinks of them he is reminded of the poor dog.
10 years pass and the lad (now a young man) walks into a bar with his girlfriend.

Girlfriend : God I hate it when its so smoky in these places?

The lad takes a deep breath and much to his girlfriends amazement he then proceeds to breathe in all the smoke in the bar.

Girlfriend : Wow, how did you do that??

Young Man : Didn't you know that I'm an ex-tractor fan!!

[carrie]

Fun! I completely glossed over the title of the thread--thanks scottie!

I came across this after trying to find the author of "the fit hit the shan." Nice list of punchlines like this.

http://www.extremelysmart.com/humor/puntest.php

[SteveK]

When I was in high school a guy told a long story about a creature called a rarie. The punch line was "that's a long way to tip a rarie." I don't remember the story but you can make one up. Anyway, I had never heard of Tipperary and I just stood there scratching my head and saying "duh."

[fearfaoin]

Once, there was a bus driver named Mac, and he drove a Sesame Street bus.
One day, he stopped at his first stop, and two rotund women stepped aboard.
The first lady said, "Hi, I'm Patty, and this is my sister Patty, and we're obese!"
Then, at the second stop, he picked up a young boy in a wheelchair, who said
"My name's Ross, and I'm special!" Following this was an older gentleman who
introduced himself as Lester Reece. He sat down, took off his shoes, and began
to pick his bunions. This so incensed the driver that he didn't notice he was driving
off the edge of a steep incline! The bus crashed in a sufficiently firey way, and all
aboard were killed.

The next morning, the headlines read:

"Two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Reece picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus."

[Wanderer]

When I was in high school a guy told a long story about a creature called a rarie. The punch line was "that's a long way to tip a rarie." I don't remember the story but you can make one up. Anyway, I had never heard of Tipperary and I just stood there scratching my head and saying "duh."

"It's a Long Way to Tipperary" is a popular British WWI anthem. No surprise that you didn't find it familiar.

[djm]

rarie

That was from a comedy show in the 70s, can't remember the name of it, the first black comedian to have his own half-hour comedy show in Canada. At the end of the show he wold sit in a big armchair with a big book and read these long-winded stories that typically ended with a pun. The rarie in the story was a giant prehistoric bird that lived a-top a high cliff. He would wake up early, fly down and eat everything available before the local cavemen had a chance to gather anything to eat. Starving, the cavemen devised a plan to climb the cliff at night (I'll spare you the tedious details, up and down several times for silly purposes) and lever the rarie off the cliff while it was sleeping.

The other one he did that I remember was about a guy arriving late on a stormy night at a hotel and having to share a room with two others and ........

djm

[fearfaoin]

I also remember a long one (which I will summarize) about a rare bird
called the "Foo". Hunters would try to bag this prize, but were always
thwarted when the Foo would defecate on the hunter's head. When
this effluvium was removed, the unfortunate hunter would die. Several
variations on this theme would be told, ending in the moral:

"If the Foo sh!ts, wear it."

[Wanderer]

One time, there was a legendary explorer and big game hunter who heard about an everliving, landlocked dolphin in the heart of Africa. In fact, it lived so long the natives called it 'The Whale that would not die'.

The explorer was so intrigued by the tale that he felt he had to have the beast, and set off to Africa at once. He hired a guide that was familiar with the dolphin. As he was setting out on his journey, his guide told him that the tribes in the region were viscious and constantly warring amongst each other. Luckily, they considered the mynah bird to be a messenger of the gods, and he could pass unmolsted by walking bravely with the sacred bird perched on his shoulder.

So the explorer bought a bird. They traveled about 10 miles from the lake, when they found a lion lying in the trail, asleep. The guide tried to warn the explorer of his grave peril, but the explorer had the benefit of years of experience in the bush.

"Hogwash, my good man," says the explorer. "It is clear that this lion has recently had quite a large meal and is completely harmless". So saying, he stepped right over it, and made his way to the porpoise in good order.

Later, the explorer was arrested at customs when he told the tale, as everyone knows it's illegal to transport a myna across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

[dubhlinn]

The Master of this Feghoot business is Flann O'Brian.
His collection of Keats and Chapman stories are superb and many have imitated his style.
Here are some very good examples of the style .

Slan,
D.