Achtung! Let me see your papers!

[oscartherabbit]

Your handy guide to defeating facial recognition software;

UK Passport Agency Photograph Guidelines (you'll need Acrobat or a PDF viewer to read it).

[Cynth]

Goodness, with babies they emphasize that you aren't supposed to see the parents hands in the photo. I mean, what are people supposed to do with their babies? Toss them in the air and hope they look at the camera? I have never heard of anything so ridiculous.

[Scott McCallister]

So, does this mean that to defeat the facial recog software all I have to do is smile and perhaps whistle a tune whilst committing my crimes?

I don't think it would be suspicious at all if you were walking through the air port looking like this



Just think there may come a time when a third grade reading and decision ability are coupled with overdeveloped biceps and a crewcut to detain travelers in a little room with no windows to angrily charge them with "You were making faces at our security cameras. That's a serious crime!"

Apparently our daughter had the temerity to look very slightly to one side and smile a bit.

SHE IS THREE YEARS OLD!

Sheesh controll yer kid whydoncha?!

Oh! I've seen these!

That's the new "Doobie-Baked Barbie" King sized bag of Doritos sold separately!

[oscartherabbit]

Goodness, with babies they emphasize that you aren't supposed to see the parents hands in the photo. I mean, what are people supposed to do with their babies? Toss them in the air and hope they look at the camera? I have never heard of anything so ridiculous.

Tell me about it. And all this just to keep the US government happy.

What is the point of a photograph of a baby? They all look like small Winston Churchills anyway.

It's a good job we decided against giving any of 'em the middle name "Terrorist", that's all I can say. Mind you, I bet we don't have anywhere near as much trouble as this bloke.

[Father Emmet]

Just think there may come a time when a third grade reading and decision ability are coupled with overdeveloped biceps and a crewcut to detain travelers in a little room with no windows to angrily charge them with "You were making faces at our security cameras. That's a serious crime!"

And just think, after the "wall to wall conference" they give you, you'll be denied entry due to your swollen mug!
What about those late night infomercial folks who lose 50 lbs. in two days?
Do they need constant photo updates as their weight and appearence fluctuate?

[Caj]

What is the point of a photograph of a baby? They all look like small Winston Churchills anyway.

Ain't you never watched cartoons? It's a standard trend: first you have Al Qaeda, and then when the public tires of that you have a spin-off called the Al Qaeda Babies.

Just because we never had a baby hijack a plane doesn't mean it won't happen one day! And we'll be prepared for that moment with a biometric passport to identify the baby.

Unless, of course, a couple years pass and the baby no longer resembles the passport photo.

I can just imagine the scene in a future police office:

OFFICER: So, can you describe the man that mugged you?
VICTIM: Yes, yes, he had black hair...
OFFICER: Hair?? He had hair? Aw crap.

[OFFICER throws away entire book of baby mug shots]

OFFICER TWO: What's the commotion?
OFFICER: Another mugging by the mysterious hair guy.
OFFICER TWO: That's the 10,000th case this year? Who is this dude?

Caj

[oscartherabbit]

If I remember when I get home I'll scan the offending picture and post it here, so you can all marvel at the truly asinine way they apply the rules.

Oh, and there's a better one. We sent off the abbreviated birth certificates for the kids in support of the passport application only to be told we should have sent full birth certs. We don't have full birth certs, 'cos the abbreviated ones are free when you register your child but the full ones cost money. (At that time, the kids could be added to our passports, but they can;t now, which is why we have to get passports for them. Gnnnnnnn).

OK - so now we have to get full birth certs, but in order to do that we have to present the abbreviated ones to the Register of Births Deaths and Marriages.

Are you all still with me? Good.

But guess what? Yup - the abbreviated birth certificates ARE STILL AT THE PASSPORT OFFICE WITH THE REST OF THE FECKIN' APPLICATION BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T SEND THEM BACK!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Sorry.

I'm going to have another lie down now.

[PJ]

Interior Minister Otto Schily ordered passport authorities to only accept pictures taken from the front showing the "most neutral facial expression possible," starting Nov. 1.

But what if you're just a naturally happy person??

[I.D.10-t]

It saddens me to think of how many people on C&F need re-education.

[Nanohedron]

I don't know why her pupils are so small though.

Perhaps it was a very bright room?

The heroin-filled condom broke.

[amar]

I don't know why her pupils are so small though.

Perhaps it was a very bright room?

The heroin-filled condom broke.

ohhh, that's just baaaad....

love it.

[Congratulations]

The heroin-filled condom broke.

Does anything good ever come from a broken condom?

I think the broken condom is the prime symbol of tragedy in today's society.

[Denny]

I don't know why her pupils are so small though.

Perhaps it was a very bright room?

The heroin-filled condom broke.

I knew I'd seen that look before!