Tongue piercing deal

[Turtle]

My daughter asked for a compromise the other day that caught me off
guard a bit. It seems she wants her tongue pierced. She said "Dad, if
I get straight As for the entire year, I would like to get my tongue
pierced. If I dont get straight As I'll drop it and wait till I'm 18". Now
maybe I'm just a stodgy old man, but my first reaction was NO WAY.
Now that I think about it, by the end of next year she'll be 17, and if she
really wants it done that badly, it might just give her the incentive to
really apply herself. What would you do in a situation like this?

[MarkB]

You might want to talk with your Dentist about this. I've read reports that piercings in the mouth can damage the teeth by chipping them and the nickel alloy that is used is not good either.

MarkB

[GaryKelly]

Go with her plan.

If she really badly wanted to mutilate herself she'd have done it by now without your say-so. Sounds to me like the young lady in question is giving herself an incentive to do well, which is of course to be encouraged.

And if she gets the A's, good for her. Then you can renege on the deal and cut her legs off to stop her going out and doing it

[Cynth]

I would make the deal with her. Like she says, she is almost 18 and will be doing stuff on her own anyway. Tongue-piercing doesn't appeal to me, but I have met some really nice kids with pierced tongues so it isn't any big weird thing. Apparently it's safe. It would be a good incentive to study, we all need that. She could be presenting you with some really horrendous problem, so she sounds like a girl with her head on straight.

Personally, if she does pretty darn good on her grades but not quite straight A's, I'd let her do it anyway--after I see the report card. My feeling is that if you want them to keep coming and asking you about stuff, you should only be a real hard ass when it really matters.

I have no children, so this advice is NOT based on experience.

[I.D.10-t]

I find these deals set a bad president.
Good grades are their own reward.
“Paying” for them detracts from this.

If she is going to get her tongue pierced explain your position and make sure that she has set aside time when she does not have to speak well (is she taking any world langue classes) information. In addition, after you have made your stand clear, make sure that you help her find a good tattoo/piercing artist. Shop around and make sure that the place is clean and the work is professional. Just because you are against something does not mean you can’t do harm control.

Just my opinion.

I have no children, so this advice is NOT based on experience.

Same here.

[jbarter]

Go for it. In a year's time she might

a) Get straight A's and her piercing
b) Get straight A's and change her mind
c) Not get the A's and so no piercing

The odds are 2 to 1 in favour of the A's and 2 to 1 in favour of no piercing.

[I.D.10-t]

b) Get straight A's and change her mind

A waiting period is a good idea.
My rule of thumb is that if I want a tattoo, I have to choose a design one year in advance. If I still want it, then I probably will always want it.

[avanutria]

Might also want to have her talk to a doctor about infections (and about what she should do if she decides to remove it - will the hole remain?), and to a career advisor about the effect it would have on job interviews.

In college I started in photojournalism, and half of my classmates had pierced tongues, including some guys. None of them could speak very clearly, and most of them had developed a habit of moving their tongues around in their mouths when not talking as well. I couldn't imagine anyone treating them as professionals.

[jbarter]

My rule of thumb is that if I want a tattoo, I have to choose a design one year in advance. If I still want it, then I probably will always want it.

I can't think of a single design I might have wanted at 20 that I would still want at 50.

[I.D.10-t]

My rule of thumb is that if I want a tattoo, I have to choose a design one year in advance. If I still want it, then I probably will always want it.

I can't think of a single design I might have wanted at 20 that I would still want at 50.

I chose one at 16. Still like it, still don’t have a tatoo.

This



Without the s&r

[Wanderer]

I find these deals set a bad president.
Good grades are their own reward.
“Paying” for them detracts from this.

When I was growing up, kids who made good grades for their own reward were the kind of kids who got "swirlies" in the restroom. :roll:

Me personally, I'd go for the deal. It's win-win. If she gets good grades, you can rest easy that all she wants is a piercing, and isn't destroying her future by dropping out or something.

If she doesn't make straight A's, she still tried hard to apply herself (which is good) and you don't have to deal with the piercing

And, as has been pointed out, in another year, she'll be legally able to do all sorts of things without your say-so...get piercings, tattoos, sign contracts, move out, etc. I'm not of the opinion that we should coddle kids, but rather, gradually introduce them to adulthood, so that when they reach legal majority, they're ready for it.

[Flyingcursor]

I.D.10-t has a good idea. I've used that same theory for expensive purchases. I decide to wait a month. If I still want it I might wait some more or make the purchase. Otherwise not.

As far as the kid is concerned. I.D.10-t's idea is pretty good. I use it for making purchases.

Making the deal won't hurt because she has to go a whole school year before the deed is done. Sort of like waiting to make a major purchase of some kind.

In the meanwhile you can post pictures of infected tongues and people who've had total neck and jaw removal surgery on the fridge.

Waiting is always a good way to make sure you want to do something like...say, a major purchase.

Wanderer also waxes eloquent on the subject as well. What would djm say?

[Cynth]

I've read reports that piercings in the mouth can damage the teeth by chipping them and the nickel alloy that is used is not good either.

Might also want to have her talk to a doctor about infections (and about what she should do if she decides to remove it - will the hole remain?), and to a career advisor about the effect it would have on job interviews.

In college I started in photojournalism, and half of my classmates had pierced tongues, including some guys. None of them could speak very clearly, and most of them had developed a habit of moving their tongues around in their mouths when not talking as well. I couldn't imagine anyone treating them as professionals.

Both these thoughts seem good. I don't know if nickel alloy is essential or if she could get a small gold (non-reactive metal) stud---it probably wouldn't be that expensive. I don't know what to think about the teeth chipping problem---doesn't sound good, but maybe there are better places on the the tongue to do it. Hmm...

My mom took my sister to a doctor to get her ears pierced because she was worried about infections.

Getting in the habit of moving one's tongue around strangely in one's mouth would not be good and neither would it be good to not speak clearly. My guess is that the hole wouldn't be awfully prominent and she could take the stud out for professional occasions. Maybe you should show your daughter some of these things and ask her to figure out the solutions to the problems ahead of time.

[Wormdiet]

I'd go for the deal . . IF

Everyone was aware of the dental consequences after some dispoassionate, thorough reseach. I had heard about the tooth chipping thing as well.

[Tyler]

Okay, it's obvious none of you here have ever had their tongue pierced, so I need to interject a bit and dispell any myths...
Ive had mine pierced for the better part of my adult life, but my wife very persuasively asked me to remove the stud before my daughter was born...
First of all, there are a great deal of odd stories about nickell alloy being reactive, I dont know how true that is, but I know there are worse things to have studs made out of, like plastic (it can actually cause infections because it hangs on to bacteria) and copper. I had nickel studs for years and never had any problems at all. Silver is best for the money unless you're allergic, then gold plated is best (there are even solid gold and platinum ones for those with ridiculous ammounts of disposable income).
The infection rate for toungue piercings is very low...if someone gets infected the either tried to do it themselves or they went to some joe who runs a piercing parlor out of his chicken coop.
Another myth is about the hole....I had mine gaged out to a #2 (pretty big, for those who dont know the sizes) and my hole is all but gone now (I can still get a toothpick through it when I want to gross out my wife! ). The tongue is more elastic and resiliant than most people give it credit for. Not everyone's hole shrinks though.
About dental damage, in all my years having a stud through my tongue, I have never had my dentist report that I had inconsistant or excessive wear on my teeth...people who do experience dental damage are playing with the damn thing to hard!
Go ahead and let her rebel a little...rebellion is healthy (to a degree) and most people grow out of it anyways. if you were to see me now, you'd never guess I was a punk in the 80's, and I was pretty extreme in my rebellion.