Tell us something.: I've picked up the tinwhistle again after several years, and have recently purchased a Chieftain v5 from Kerry Whistles that I cannot wait to get (why can't we beam stuff yet, come on Captain Kirk, get me my Low D!)
When my dad was dying, he had a friend that would come over everyday, and they would argue and yell, about everything and nothing. After several days of this, Ed asked us (out of dad's hearing) if we thought he should stop coming by, since dad would get so mad.
We told Ed that, no, he SHOULD continue to visit. What was happening was that dad felt comfortable taking his anger out about dying on Ed, instead of us. He knew Ed wouldn't take it personnally, where we had our own grief to deal with.
So, you need to find SOMEONE who you can get mad at (just as your friend has done with her blindness and time out room). It doesn't have to be talking about death - it could be about the gas prices or whatever - or it can be about death if that is what you feel comfortable discussing.
But - this isn't FAIR. It sucks. And you need (for your own health) to get those feelings out somehow. It is totally understandable that you don't want to do it with your family.
If nothing else - I'm a pretty good listener, and can duke it out, too. If you want to use my "ear" - you are more than welcome to.
But GET MAD, damnit!!!! And do NOT keep it in.
She's right, it's unhealthy to keep negative feelings in...they have the chance to explode uncontrolled that way, most of the time on people you'd least like to take out your frustrations on...
We're all pretty stout here; take it out on us.
“First lesson: money is not wealth; Second lesson: experiences are more valuable than possessions; Third lesson: by the time you arrive at your goal it’s never what you imagined it would be so learn to enjoy the process” - unknown
So, you need to find SOMEONE who you can get mad at (just as your friend has done with her blindness and time out room). It doesn't have to be talking about death - it could be about the gas prices or whatever - or it can be about death if that is what you feel comfortable discussing.
But - this isn't FAIR. It sucks. And you need (for your own health) to get those feelings out somehow. It is totally understandable that you don't want to do it with your family.
Thanks, Missy. One of the oddest things that keeps happening and dates all the way back to when I first joined C&F is that all I have to do is think about something long enough and when I go to say it -- there it is. This is exactly what happened with your post and Tyler's too, and a couple of supportive pm's i received. I sort of knew in the back of my head that I was doing this with my posts yesterday. It took your posts to bring it to the forefront of my consciousness. For those of you thinking that all I have done is squabble with my wife, son and others about this business, that's hardly the truth. In fact, I was shocked (and I admit a little hurt) by all of the innuendo that I was needlessly spending my time (and theirs) bickering about this. If anything, I think people may have been picking up on the anger that I mentioned in my earlier post and transferring it to the ashies thing.
I hope this makes more sense than my other commentary yesterday. If it doesn't, just read Missy's post and apply it to the driving force behind why I probably started this thread. I used this board to air my frustrations. I'm starting to get confused again, so I need to give it a rest for a while.
Later,
Will O
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
I will add another story. One of my friends was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The cancer had metastasized through out his body and his doctors gave him a short time to live. They gave him the dreaded "forms" and told him to get his affairs in order.
It is now several years later and the cancer is in remission. The doctors don't know why. My friend is slowly putting his life back together after the illness, the treatment and all the rest that occurred related to the cancer.
I can lend you the key to the padded room anytime you need it. I've also got a nice paisely (how *do* you spell that?!?) padded straight jacket for those moments when you need more restraint than you can come up with on your own. Also, certain normally "inexcusable" terms rate temporary moratorium on rare occaision... let us know.
anniemcu
--- "You are what you do, not what you claim to believe." -Gene A. Statler
--- "Olé to you, none-the-less!" - Elizabeth Gilbert
--- http://www.sassafrassgrove.com
Tell us something.: A long time chatty Chiffer but have been absent for almost two decades. Returned in 2022 and still recognize some names! I also play anglo concertina now.
Will O'B wrote:For those of you thinking that all I have done is squabble with my wife, son and others about this business, that's hardly the truth. In fact, I was shocked (and I admit a little hurt) by all of the innuendo that I was needlessly spending my time (and theirs) bickering about this. If anything, I think people may have been picking up on the anger that I mentioned in my earlier post and transferring it to the ashies thing.
Will - As I mentioned in my reply, I approached the situation completely from the perspective of your son. Your emotions did not come into it at all - it's his that I am worried about. We can talk more in PM or email if you want, but regardless of what you may or may not have said to him or around him, he is frightened, hurting a great deal and needs somewhere to turn.
BillChin wrote:I will add another story. One of my friends was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The cancer had metastasized through out his body and his doctors gave him a short time to live. They gave him the dreaded "forms" and told him to get his affairs in order.
It is now several years later and the cancer is in remission. The doctors don't know why. My friend is slowly putting his life back together after the illness, the treatment and all the rest that occurred related to the cancer.
There is always hope. That is true. Thanks.
Will O'Ban
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
I desperately want to address the ashes / administrator thing. As well as my relationship with my wife and son and the other things I was trying to originallys say in my first posts. But first I guess its only fair that I get some things out in the open. So you can better understand why my statements are so rambling sometimes and tough to follow.
I hope I'm not making a mistake by letting this out of the bag. But here goes: About 10 years ago or so I started having trouble with balance and dizziness. I was in our fenced in back yard alone with my 2 year old son. My wife was gone for the day. It was a beautiful fall Sunday afternoon in early October. We were playing with the nerf football and I was throwing it high into the air and running to catch it. Michael loved it, and kept saying "Higher!! Higher!!" On the final throw I was running to get under the ball, with my face pointed at the sky. My legs began buckling. I kept running, my mind concentrating on keeping me upright instead of catching the ball. As I looked from the sky toward the green grass all I could see was blue. No shapes. Just blue. Our house with the brown siding and the green grass were no longer there. Just blue, as if I was still looking into the sky. The muscles above my knees were straining to keep me from going down. I remember thinking that I must be having a stroke. I was terrified. But not about having a stroke. I was terrified because I was locked in the backyard (the patio door was too heavy for him to open on his own -- he was 2 years old -- and the 6 foot tall gate on our privacy fence was locked) and I didn't want him to have to stand there and watch whatever was about to happen to me for the next couple of hours until my wife came home and found us out there. I remember thinking in the back of my mind that if I fall I won't be getting up. The muscles in my legs held me up and the buckling sensation went away, although they were still extremely weak and shaky. My vision came back as quickly as it left and I just stood there with a loud buzzing in my ears. Michael said, "You missed it that time!!!" I had no idea where the ball was and he didn't appear to notice that I was having any trouble, although he did remark later while we were sitting on the step of the deck that he had thought I was going to fall down. I told him I was tired and we went inside to watch television. By bedtime I was feeling much better -- as if nothing had happened and I really didn't think anything more about it. The following morning my head felt so funny and dizzy that I had a hard time standing. The muscles in my legs were very weak and heavy. Also I had very little sensation in the soles of my feet and could not control my balance when I walked. I kept going to the side with a forward momentum. I couldn't walk a straight line and kept bumping sideways into people as we walked down the crowded train platform. Many of them were becoming angry and shoving me to the other side when I bumped them. I'm sure that most people thought I was intoxicated.
Anyway, this went on till the end of the week as my body gradually moved back to normal with each passing day. Three weeks later I was feeling fine and went to the doctor for my annual routine physical. The only problem was that I couldn't find the doctor's office. Normally not a big problem, except I had been going there for the past 15 years. I knew what street it was on and I kept driving up and down the street looking for the big sign advertising his practice. His office also sort of stands out on its own. But not this time. I was getting really frustrated and wondering why my wife hadn't told me he had moved before I got in the car and left home. I parked the car in a 7-Eleven parking lot and called my wife from the pay phone on the sidewalk. When I explained the situation to her she told me that his office was right where it had always been: next door to the 7-Eleven. I looked up for the millionth time, and sure enough there it was about 50 feet away, although I never saw it till that instant.
I was almost an hour late for my appointment. When the doctor walked into the room he was looking at me like I was a ghost or something. I was very frustrated and angry about what I had just been through and after telling him about it he wrote me a prescription for an MRI of the brain. He called my wife to come and get me and I had the MRI done shortly after. I really didn't think anything was going to come of it. Sort of like when they do blood tests and the worst thing is that you need to watch your diet better. The tone of his voice sort of knocked me for a loop when he called a couple of days later. I could tell right away that there was going to be more to my future than just restricting my salt intake. He said that the MRI showed signs of brain atrophy that they don't usually see in people until they are in their late 70's. I was 43 at the time.
If you are still here you are undoubtedly tired and bored. I know that I am and nee to lie down. You can probably figure out where this is going. I don't mean for it to sound like a soap opera or an episode of Jerry Springer or some gothic novel although I'm sure it has the elements of all three. I no longer have much reasoning ability left. IF THIS STORY IS POINTLESS PLEASE TELL ME AND I WON'T CONTINUE WITH IT. I won't be offneded. Really. I'm incapable of giving the condensed version because saying this is what's going on now seems --something. I don't know what.
Will O'
Last edited by Will O'B on Fri Aug 19, 2005 2:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
