Lord, I need a good laugh

[Charlene]

Now I know what my problem is.


Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.


Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the library, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the cup of coffee that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coffee aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I see that the coffee is getting cold, and I decide I should put it in the microwave to heat it up.
As I head toward the kitchen with the coffee, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the coffee cup down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long . . .
and I'm really tired!
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, But first I'll check my e-mail.
Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC

[SteveShaw]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Sherry."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

[dubhlinn]

Tony Blair flies into Washington for a top secret meeting at the White House. He walks in on Bush and Rumsfeld and asks what's on the agenda.

"We're planning the next stage of Operation Manifest Destiny in the Middle East and we've just got the fatalities predictions back - it's estimated over the next year we're gonna kill 120,000 muslims and one blonde supermodel."

Blair asks, "Why a blonde supermodel?"

Rumsfeld turns to Bush and says, "There, I told you no one would care about the 120,000 muslims."

Slan,
D.

[Random notes]

I was at a dude ranch some time ago, and I watched one of the cowboys ride up to the bunkhouse and tie up his horse. Then he walked around to the animals rear, lifted its tail an kissed it right under the tail. I couldn't let that pass, so I walked up to the guy and asked him why he did that.

He said, "Well, I've got chapped lips."

So I said "And that's a cowboy cure for chapped lips?"

and he said, "No, not exactly a cure. But it sure as heck keeps you from lickin' them."

Roger

[Will O'B]

This is some good stuff!!! Here are some that I've always found
funny. The Far Side by Gary Larsen. Hope you all like them as much as
I've enjoyed yours:











________________________________

Will O

[anniemcu]

Enough pity. Anyone know any good jokes?? or any ggod cartoons? Let's hear/see 'em.

Will O'ban

St. Peter's Headache

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer. . for a couple of
months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?

[Will O'B]

I'm feeling much better today. This is due in large part to everyone's
humor and kind words. Thanks.

Will O'Ban

PS: Keep the humor coming - for everyone's sake.

[amar]

[peeplj]

So this Pirate walks into the bar, and the bartender just stares at him, because he has a steering wheel coming out of the fly of his pants.

The Pirate walks up to the bar and the bartender says, "Mister...uh...did you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?!?"

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhh!" says the Pirate....




























"It's drivin' me nuts!!!"

--James

[Ian's Mom]

!!! That's the all-time best pirate joke! I laughed so hard I cried the first time I heard it...and it's still as funny today as it was when it was first told to me. Some jokes just never get old...

[scottielvr]

This guy goes into a pharmacy for some Viagra. "Can I get it over the counter?" he asked.

"You can if you take three,” said the pharmacist.

[scottielvr]

A guy walks into a dentist's office. He says, "Doctor, I think I have a problem. I think I'm a moth."

The doctor replies, "You probably need to see a psychiatrist, not a dentist."

The guy says, "I understand."

The Doctor says, "Then why did you come here?"

The guy says, "Your light was on."

[scottielvr]

A union boss at a convention in Las Vegas decides to visit a local brothel. He asks the madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No, I'm sorry, it isn't," she says.

"Well, if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."

Mighty offended by such unfair dealings, the man stomps off in search of a more equitable shop.

Finally, he reaches a brothel where the madam says, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay $100, what do the girls get?" he asks.

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the man says. He looks around the room and points to a gorgeous young redhead. "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir, but..." says the madam, gesturing at a 70-year-old woman in the corner, "Ethel here has seniority."

[anniemcu]

I suffer from Early Onset Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

[Walden]

LADY IN THE PSYCHIATRIST'S WAITING ROOM: She breathed in my ear, placed her fingers over my nostrils and played my fat empty head like an ocarina... toot-toot-toot!