"Is there anything else I can help you with?"

[Martin Milner]

So I'm trying to book a train ticket online, using the National Rail Enquiries site. They can tell me the timetable and ticket availablility, but since privatisation, cannot actually sell me a ticket. For that I have to be linked to another site for one of five different vendors, who apparently can all sell me the same ticket for the same train journey at the same price. No comment.

Problem is, none of the five links are working. I resort to the telephone, and ring the company that I've used before.

After going through the electronic switchboard (and don't we all hate those?) I get to a sales lady, who informs me that the systems are currently down, and I will have to try again in an hour. Aha, this explains why I couldn't buy a ticket online.

Then I hear the mysterious line..."Is there anything else I can help you with?"

My mind goes into spasms. I rang to buy a train ticket, and she can't currently sell me one. What else could she possibly do for me?

My confused brain shuts down, and I can't think of a single witty line. Given time to think, and a less ghasted flabber, I might have said something like "I'd like to put a fiver each way on 'My Fair Lady' in the 3:30 at Ascot..."

OK, that's a bit weak. Any suggestions?

[GaryKelly]

Then I hear the mysterious line..."Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Oh yes, while you're on the line... Have you seen my spare back door key? It was on top of the fridge last time I looked but it's not there now."

[jbarter]

Then I hear the mysterious line..."Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Any suggestions?

That's easy Martin. Every time a newbie asks a whistle/flute/UP question just note it down and you'll soon have an excellent list of queries they can help you with.
Also, if you get any door to door salesmen come round or telesales people ring you up you can start at the top of the list and work your through. You could even give them a patience rating from how long it takes them to run away or hang up.

[MarkB]

Martin Milner wrote:

Have you seen my spare back door key? It was on top of the fridge last time I looked but it's not there now."

Hummm you're the second person on this board to lose their keys. Is this a trend?

MarkB

[amar]

ask her to help you decide which lowD to buy next.

[Nanohedron]

Reply: "Yes. My angst."

[Random notes]

I usually just ask, "Well, are you a licensed psychiatrist?"

Roger

[jsluder]

"Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Do you have any flabber de-ghaster?

[OutOfBreath]

My confused brain shuts down, and I can't think of a single witty line. Given time to think, and a less ghasted flabber, I might have said something like "I'd like to put a fiver each way on 'My Fair Lady' in the 3:30 at Ascot..."

Add, "here's your sign" to the end of that and it sounds perfect to me - and it occurs to me that, unless you're getting blue-collar TV off the satellite you probably haven't the foggiest notion what I'm on about.