a question for the straight men here

[anniemcu]

Hang in there cranny... it's likely to end up just fine... I'll keep fingers crossed and aim some stable vibes your way, LOL!.

Just be who you are, and keep repsect for your new acquaintences formost - then if they don't take to you, so be it... you will still know exactly where *you* stand, whether you can tell where they are or not.

Hope it goes well!!

[mcfeeley]

Hello Cranberry --

I roomed with gay men during my college years, at a *very* conservative Christian college. If anything, my personal experience was that problems were caused when my gay roommates tried to stay in the closet. It's best to be open about who you are and what you believe.

On the average, again from my own experience, what college roommates are most concerned about is stability. Is this guy weird? Is he responsible, or is he going to do weird erratic things, mess with my/our heads, not pay the bills? That's the main concern with roommates, not someone's personal orientation or beliefs.

If you don't mind the expression , be straight with them and they should be straight with you. If not, you should go looking for another set of college roommates.

[mukade]

I think you will be fine as long as you aren't like Daffyd

http://www.littlebritain.tv/characters_daffyd.htm

(Music - Not suitable for children.)
http://www.philipcrammond.com/david/

Mukade

[Wombat]

Cran, I think you are right to be concerned. Dale gave pretty good advice, as have others who've been recommending caution. I suggest trying to arrange a little help before hand in choosing a suitable roommate if that's at all possible.

Obviously the worst thing that could happen is to land an aggressive homophobe or someone who hangs out with aggressive homophobes. I have no idea how likely that is. But, assuming you can avoid that, it still maybe isn't going to be plain sailing. A lot of people have pointed out that they get on well with gays and I think probably most do. But this isn't a matter of just being able to get on, it's a matter of having to live with someone without undue friction. I shared houses with gay and lesbian friends when I was your age but first, I knew their orientation and social habits in advance, and second, I wasn't sharing a room. I think straight men should ask themselves how comfortable they'd be sharing a room with a heterosexual woman they knew they didn't fancy but who they had reason to suspect might fancy them. I'm not sure how comfortable I would have been. Of course, your roomate has no real reason to suspect that you would fancy him, but that would be a source of fairly predictable anxiety.

Just making your roommate comfortable is the main thing. That is as much your job as his. Even if you are not confronting in your behaviour, be careful of bringing back friends who are confronting. I would be surprised if you didn't make friends on the transgender scene and I would be even more surprised if some of them didn't enjoy shocking straights. Be careful what you ask your roomate to put up with. Of course, he in turn owes you the same respect.

[Flyingcursor]

Not much to add but I agree with those who've said to contact the school about a BLBT group on campus that can address your concerns.

I'm more curious about other aspects of your personality. How are you going to react when your roommate pops in at 2:30 am drunk with his Wendy's Triple, rare and loaded, giant size fries, a 12 pack of Old Milwaukee and the latest copy of Hustler?

[Jack]

Not much to add but I agree with those who've said to contact the school about a BLBT group on campus that can address your concerns.

I'm more curious about other aspects of your personality. How are you going to react when your roommate pops in at 2:30 am drunk with his Wendy's Triple, rare and loaded, giant size fries, a 12 pack of Old Milwaukee and the latest copy of Hustler?

Truthfully, I don't know. I'd pray for him and try to talk to him and help him to understand that drinking is wrong, especially considering that he'll most likely be too young to legally drink. The meat consumption and lichen won't bother me as much as the drinking.

I guess in many ways I wouldn't like to live with a bunch of gay guys either because of all the sex, alcohol, and drugs that'll likely be present.

I don't like the way many (most?) young people, gay or otherwise, behave--as if there's no tomorrow and if there was it wouldn't matter. I'm a little bit more serious and try to live more deliberately, if that makes sense. I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs and don't want to, so that'll probably be a bigger issue than my being gayer than Christmas.

You know, I'd rather live with an old lady. They're usually safe (and interesting), but not usually college students.

[The Weekenders]

You know, I'd rather live with an old lady. They're usually safe (and interesting), but not usually college students.

As I work in a retirement community, I can assure you that you could probably find a situation where you actually made a little money looking out for an old lady, seriously. This might be a good solution to all of this.

[Geraint]

This takes me back, aye! When I went to college (Aberystwyth 1990 - time flies...) the application form for college accomodation asked if we had special requirements and asked us to say about ourselves. Now, at the time, being young, naive, and inexperienced, I put down that I was a socialist and, I think, may have said I didn't want to share a room with a conservative I really hadn't met many people who admitted to conservatism at that time, honestly! Not very popular in the South Wales valleys during Margaret Thatcher's reign... I ended up with a single room - probably 'cos they thought I was odd.



Well... At the time I hadn't seen much beyond my home town and its immediate environs, and like you, Cranberry, was worried what I'd end up with in the same room as me. I am not saying you're as naive as I was. In fact, reading your posts, I don't think that you are. I am saying that your concerns are natural and normal. (Mind you i'm not necessarily saying I am. Erm. Anyway)

I am pretty sure that you'll be ok, tho. I remember that some of the pairings in rooms in my Hall of Residence worked out, and some didn't work out quite as well; but very, very few were unusually dysfunctional. It depends on personalities and tolerance, as much as anything, I think. But also, and I am not saying this just to be encouraging, most really did work out ok.

Without knowing where you're going, what sort of background your roomate will tend to come from, I'd have thought that unless he's well nasty you will or won't get on with him whether he is familiar with gays or not. For what it's worth I'd say it would definitely be worth talking to whoever arranges the accomodation beforehand - chances are you won't be the first person to come to them worried about sharing a room with someone else, and for all sorts of reasons. Another thing, too, is that from my experience if there are problems you really shouldn't be afraid to seek help. There is often a way to resolve issues pretty painlessly, and colleges are full of people with various issues and problems just like the rest of society

One girl I was in college with had the smelliest training shoes you've ever come across (and she shared with a girl with killer BO - now that was a wonderful combination); another was messy like you wouldn't believe, sharing with a tidiness freak; one was a committed Christian sharing with a boy who was pretty much a lichen addict; and so on. Apart from the minor clashes occasioned by these things, they all got on ok with roomates. My neighbour used to practice his electric bass at 4 a.m. quite regularly which annoyed me considerably and caused a few Words To Be Spoken but we got over it and I'm going to his wedding in a couple of weeks time

Strange how people can get on with others, eh, even when they might seem very different? There are usually ways to draw small boundaries in different ways so that those who share feel they have their own space - that's important, I think.

I understand how you're worrying. I think probably whoever you will share with will be doing just the same, for different reasons. Perhaps he wonders whether his new roomie will let him practice on of his extensive collection of vastly expensive whistles and flutes...



Pob lwc - good luck!

[Lambchop]

You know, I'd rather live with an old lady. They're usually safe (and interesting), but not usually college students.

No, but they often live near colleges and they often have in-law, garage, or basement rooms or apartments to let.

And I wouldn't bet that they're not college students. A college near me--a very good one, at that--lets senior citizens take classes for free if there is still room in them after the regular students have signed up.

[alespa]

I apologize if I missed the answer to this question in a previous post. I tried to read them all, but confess I had to scan them, since I'm short on time.

Question: Why are you attending a Jesuit school, as opposed to a regular public college?

As far as other comments in regards to your roommate, my experience is that it's not the sexual nature of a person that typically causes problems for roommates. My first year in college, I was put with a guy getting ready to go into med school. I felt like a peon, as he spoke very little to me, and made a point of hardly ever being in the same room with me. I attributed that to his being an introvert, and much older. Also, I think he had a problem with a previous roommate who left. I didn't start the year off with him, but moved in a few weeks into school. So there may have already been issues there. I'm sure others can attest to the fact that you can have serious problems with roommates that started out as good friends—until you moved in together. Sometimes the fact that there's no conflict with roommates is the same as in a marriage or relationship . . . it usually means people aren't being honest with one another.

One thing I am concerned about, and that's referring to yourself as "white trash". I don't know you, but it sounds like you have expectations of who you should be, but aren't. Am I off-base on this? I shouldn't ask I suppose. Sorry.

[DCrom]

Not much to add but I agree with those who've said to contact the school about a BLBT group on campus that can address your concerns.

I'm more curious about other aspects of your personality. How are you going to react when your roommate pops in at 2:30 am drunk with his Wendy's Triple, rare and loaded, giant size fries, a 12 pack of Old Milwaukee and the latest copy of Hustler?

Truthfully, I don't know. I'd pray for him and try to talk to him and help him to understand that drinking is wrong, especially considering that he'll most likely be too young to legally drink. The meat consumption and lichen won't bother me as much as the drinking.

Cran, as someone who's had roommates who were VASTLY different: only bring up the issues that cause problems *for you* (that is, things that affect you - comes in late & wakes you up, doesn't wash, loud music when you need to sleep/study, etc). Things that could get *you* in trouble (ie, drugs/alcohol in the room) are certainly in that category.

For the rest, let it slide unless he brings it up. At the most, an occasional low-key comment. But he's not your responsibility, and most people don't react all that well to unsolicited criticism.

Your goal is to find a way that you can room together with as little friction as possible while you concentrate on your studies. If you can end the year on reasonably civil terms with each other, count it as a win. Anything beyond that - like real friendship - is a bonus.

[Jerry Freeman]

Not much to add but I agree with those who've said to contact the school about a BLBT group on campus that can address your concerns.

I'm more curious about other aspects of your personality. How are you going to react when your roommate pops in at 2:30 am drunk with his Wendy's Triple, rare and loaded, giant size fries, a 12 pack of Old Milwaukee and the latest copy of Hustler?

Truthfully, I don't know. I'd pray for him and try to talk to him and help him to understand that drinking is wrong, especially considering that he'll most likely be too young to legally drink. The meat consumption and lichen won't bother me as much as the drinking.

Cran, as someone who's had roommates who were VASTLY different: only bring up the issues that cause problems *for you* (that is, things that affect you - comes in late & wakes you up, doesn't wash, loud music when you need to sleep/study, etc). Things that could get *you* in trouble (ie, drugs/alcohol in the room) are certainly in that category.

For the rest, let it slide unless he brings it up. At the most, an occasional low-key comment. But he's not your responsibility, and most people don't react all that well to unsolicited criticism.

Your goal is to find a way that you can room together with as little friction as possible while you concentrate on your studies. If you can end the year on reasonably civil terms with each other, count it as a win. Anything beyond that - like real friendship - is a bonus.

What he said.

Best wishes,
Jerry

[Jack]

I apologize if I missed the answer to this question in a previous post. I tried to read them all, but confess I had to scan them, since I'm short on time.

Question: Why are you attending a Jesuit school, as opposed to a regular public college?

Because I love Jesus. And I'll get a more thorough education there anyway. And the class sizes are smaller. And I got accepted...why shouldn't I attend?

[s1m0n]

I can only fourth the suggestion of talking to the LGBT associatio on campus, and possibly the housing office. They're both very sound ideas.