STORM TROOPERS AT AIRPORTS - Identify the whistle, please

[Duffy]

... this incredibly Hitlerian little cadre of stupid Basmatis ...

I think wanted to show that he was angry at them.

I thought that came over fairly clearly!

[gonzo914]

... this incredibly Hitlerian little cadre of stupid Basmatis ...

I think wanted to show that he was angry at them.

I deal with these anuses twice a week, and I've got to throw in with Bill in this assessment. If anything, it is an understatement, and he is to be commended on his reserve. The TSA is populated by tiny-minded law enforcement rejects, and they are incredibly classist and racist. I have sat and watched who they pick for their "random" searches, and I can tell you that if you look like a white bidnessman, dress like a white bidnessman, and act like a white bidnessman, the odds of you're being selected for a search or of having your bags tossed are practically nil. But if you are black or hispanic or have long hair or are student age, just bend over and wait for them to put on the rubber gloves. So -- cut your hair, get a white shirt and a tie and a nice suit coat, and throw in some of those candy-assed loafers with the little tassels, and you could waltz through with half a pound of semtex tucked in your pockets, and they'd never notice.

And some airport advice -- You are entitled to a private search when you get pulled for additional screening. Exercise that right. It is incredibly disruptive. Once, some guy was eating his lunch in the private search area, and he got tossed out to make room for me when I requested a private search. And when you request a private search, it ties up two TSA droids because they can't be left alone with you. Be sure to yell nice and loud when they pick up your foot to screen the bottom. Make sure everyone notices.

Also, ask for clean gloves if they are going to touch you or your stuff. You don't want them touching your whistles with the same gloves they used to go through someone else's underwear. If they refuse, ask for a supervisor. The more you can act like Adrian Monk, the more fun it is.

Finally, never, never put your whistles in your checked luggage. That's just asking to get your bag searched. Keep them in your carry-on so you can watch your stuff if you get searched. I used to take mine out and sit them in the tub separately so they could see what they were, but when I still kept getting yanked for searches, I figured, screw'em. Make them work for it. I like to keep a nice assortment of interesting things in my bag for them to wade through -- whistles, wires, loose change, rubber rat, Fisher-Price cell phone, harmonica, and a pharmacopoeia of prescription and non-prescription drugs. I have heard that full soft drink cans give them fits because they don't x-ray very clearly, but I have not yet had the chance to confirm this.

Have a nice trip, and thank you for flying gonzo air.

[Daniel_Bingamon]

So -- cut your hair, get a white shirt and a tie and a nice suit coat, and throw in some of those candy-assed loafers with the little tassels, and you could waltz through with half a pound of semtex tucked in your pockets, and they'd never notice.

That's probably how the terrorists are dressing these days.

I'm glad I don't fly anymore.

[Rosee]

In my experience, a one way ticket anywhere is a sure sign that you'll be searched. Seems that only suspicious characters ever fly just one way.

[avanutria]

Make them work for it. I like to keep a nice assortment of interesting things in my bag for them to wade through -- whistles, wires, loose change, rubber rat, Fisher-Price cell phone, harmonica, and a pharmacopoeia of prescription and non-prescription drugs.

LOL...I'd love to be there to watch that!

I have heard that full soft drink cans give them fits because they don't x-ray very clearly, but I have not yet had the chance to confirm this.

At most of the airports I've travelled through, there are signs before security saying they will not permit you to take a closed soft drink can through, and if you have a drink you have to pour it into an open cup first.

[billw]

My friend who bought, paid for, carried the instruments (which, by the way were not standard tourist fare), is a confirmed pacifist, devout Buddhist, and generally has all the ferocity going for him of an anesthesized frog. They did this damage right in front of him, I find, and he didn't say a word.

When I suggested that he involve his congressman, he shrugged it off as an incident long past, and not really worthy of further attention on his part.

It's okay. I fixed the bong-looking thingy (which by the way, makes its noise by virtue of a pair of bagpipe-drone-looking reeds in the coconut), ran a ball bearing through the little brass whistle enough to pretty much repair the damage, discovering thereupon that it's nicely tuned in C# and fairly useless for my music . I wrote a very upset letter to the TSA, CC-ed president@whitehouse.gov and am now content to let it drop.

I have whistles to make.
Cheers,
Bill Whedon

[Jerry Freeman]

I fixed the bong-looking thingy (which by the way, makes its noise by virtue of a pair of bagpipe-drone-looking reeds in the coconut) ...

I have a concern here.

This instrument is used traditionally for charming cobras. I believe you will develop bad habits that you will eventually have to unlearn, if you don't start right from the beginning, playing the instrument in the appropriate traditional manner. Before you begin in earnest practicing on the instrument, you really should make an effort to equip yourself with a suitable live cobra.

Best wishes,
Jerry

[ChrisA]

I wrote a very upset letter to the TSA, CC-ed president@whitehouse.gov and am now content to let it drop.

I have whistles to make.
Cheers,
Bill Whedon

I might suggest, if you still have a copy of it saved, that you also send copies to your senator and congresscritter. The president could care less, really, though an aide somewhere down the chain will put it in a tally (most political offices tally letters by type so the elected official can get a sense of the constituents feedback without the trouble of actually reading it. Congresscritters are most likely to actually read a letter, because they have constituencies of the most manageable size.)

Hrm. I've saved the music letter from the TSA and will in the future take my instruments as carry-ons, and the letter as a shield. If they ever screw with me on that, it'll be a long time
coming before I let it go. On the other hand, amusing as the idea may be, I'm not really
all that interested in disrupting the security screening just for the sake of disruption. As long
as they do their job courteously and don't cause any damage, I'm willing to live and let live.

Incidentally, I'm a not-very-business-looking white male with long hair... I do get picked
for random-search on about 1/3rd to 1/4 of the flights I go on. I think, though, that the level
of discrimination here is dependent on the airport. Some seem to have a system that
involves the computer picking you, others seem to take every Nth person, and some just
take the next person coming through when they've finished with one. Only once was I
really upset by this search stuff. I can't remember the exact questions now, but it was
something like,

'Are there any hazardous items in your luggage?' No...
'Has anyone asked you to bring anything on this flight?' No...
'Has your luggage been in your control the whole time?' Uh... Yes.

'Yes? Ah, you'll have to be searched then since you answered yes to one of the questions.'

Oh, my goodness! What in the world??! But you asked -this- and I said yes!
'It doesn't matter. You said yes.'

Officious prick doesn't even -begin- to describe it. I missed my flight and had to leave
hours later. I'll swear he asked the question the wrong-way-around on purpose.




--Chris

[DCrom]

I fixed the bong-looking thingy (which by the way, makes its noise by virtue of a pair of bagpipe-drone-looking reeds in the coconut) ...

I have a concern here.

This instrument is used traditionally for charming cobras. I believe you will develop bad habits that you will eventually have to unlearn, if you don't start right from the beginning, playing the instrument in the appropriate traditional manner. Before you begin in earnest practicing on the instrument, you really should make an effort to equip yourself with a suitable live cobra.

Best wishes,
Jerry

Thus providing instant audience feedback. Not to mention a rapid weeding out of those who can't learn.

Do we also need to change our sartorial habits if we become enamoured of this instrument? I don't mind the turban too much, but I look positively awful in a loincloth.

[billw]

I fixed the bong-looking thingy (which by the way, makes its noise by virtue of a pair of bagpipe-drone-looking reeds in the coconut) ...

I have a concern here.

This instrument is used traditionally for charming cobras. I believe you will develop bad habits that you will eventually have to unlearn, if you don't start right from the beginning, playing the instrument in the appropriate traditional manner. Before you begin in earnest practicing on the instrument, you really should make an effort to equip yourself with a suitable live cobra.

Best wishes,
Jerry

Thus providing instant audience feedback. Not to mention a rapid weeding out of those who can't learn.

Do we also need to change our sartorial habits if we become enamoured of this instrument? I don't mind the turban too much, but I look positively awful in a loincloth.

Damn, Dana. thanks everso for putting THAT image in everyone's mind! Yikers! It don't bear thinkin' about!

Bill Whedon

[billw]

I can understand why you are angry Bill and I sympathise with you.

In contrast, in Australia, my experience is similar to Walrii's experience.

However prior to September 11, I had a problem with Australian customs when returning from overseas. I had originally taken my Indian tablas with me from Australia to the other country and was bringing it back with me on my return. Prior to my Australian departure I had obtained Australian customs certification for them and the certification registration no. was glued to each of the drums on the bottom (and is still there). The certification seemed to me to make the officials even more suspicious than usual and they spent an inordinate amount of time checking the drums out. By appearance and accent one customs officers was even a person of South Asian origin but this seemed to make little difference to their apparent incredulity! Finally one of them happened to DROP THE TREBLE DRUM ON THE FLOOR! Well that did it. I demanded to see a manager, obtained an apology and lodged a written form of complaint.
Later on, I had the that drum dismantled and inspected and reassembled by a professional tabla player and repairer. I was compensated for the cost of that inspection by the Customs Department even though the drum had not been damaged.

I don't think I could have blamed the Prime Minister of Australia for this unfortunate incident. And I don't feel I would blame your President for what happened to you. I feel it would be best to direct your anger iinto some positive action against the officials concerned. I think President Bush would be as appalled as you by what happened.

BTW, regarding the top reed in your pikky, this MAY help you:
http://chandrakantha.com/articles/india ... pungi.html.
although the example there looks a little different to yours at the top end.

Thank you a huge bunch for the link! My browser is weird sometimes with link colours, and I didn't see it until you PM-ed me.
Thanks again!
Bill Whedon

[Pat Cannady]

Getting a whistle or collection of whistles aboard a flight as a carryon item is a cakewalk as long as TSA can verify that they're musical instruments. In the worst case scenario, you may have to play a bit to satisfy their curiosity. Give yourself plenty of time. Get to the airport EARLY. Get to your gate EARLY. Make it easy for them to do their jobs and don't demand special treatment. The TSA are not fascists, they're mostly underpaid people trying to do a difficult job. Be polite. "Ma'am" or "Sir" go a long way.

I travel somewhat regularly with a full set of B pipes - a suspicious-looking mass of wood and brass tubes to those unfamiliar with ITM. I have hair down to my elbows and loathe wearing a tie. I've never, ever had a problem with TSA. Even when they've wanted to look at my pipes, all they did was stare at them and ask what they were. A simple two-word explanation, "Irish bagipes", is sufficient every time.

Don't make this molehill into a mountain. It isn't.

[herbivore12]

I have hair down to my elbows and loathe wearing a tie.

You shave from your elbows down? Or waded through molten wax to the height of your elbows?

Must be a piper thing.

[lyrick]

Make it easy for them to do their jobs and don't demand special treatment. The TSA are not fascists, they're mostly underpaid people trying to do a difficult job. Be polite. "Ma'am" or "Sir" go a long way.

I think this is good advice. Lots of people who are in law enforcement, screeners, etc., have internal radar that can tell if you have a bit of an attitude or a chip on your shoulder. They'll single you out then, because the attitude they're picking up on makes them uneasy, and if they're a pro they'll want to check you out to see what's up with your attitude. If they're a jerk, they'll single you out just to try and tweak you. Yes, some of them do seem to screen people based on looks, but having a good attitude will help in any case.

Solution--be friendly, kind, tolerant, compassionate towards these people who have a difficult job, it'll increase the chances they'll be kind and friendly towards you. And if you get singled out anyways, your friendly, kind, tolerant attitude will help you to remain happy while you're being delayed. I think life is too short to make ourselves miserable all the time resenting what "those terrible people are doing to us".

In a week I get to test my theory, I'll be flying internationally and taking my whistles with me.

[glauber]

Solution--be friendly, kind, tolerant, compassionate towards these people who have a difficult job, it'll increase the chances they'll be kind and friendly towards you. And if you get singled out anyways, your friendly, kind, tolerant attitude will help you to remain happy while you're being delayed. I think life is too short to make ourselves miserable all the time resenting what "those terrible people are doing to us".

It didn't help in this case, if you believe Bill's description of his friend.

This is a good attitude to have, nevertheless.