Just for fun....

[rebl_rn]

I've heard some of these before, but I think this is at least mildly entertaining.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do Forest Rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

[Jack]

Oriental man? Do we use 'oriental' to describe people still? That term smacks of racism to me.

[Charlene]

Oriental man? Do we use 'oriental' to describe people still? That term smacks of racism to me.

The pun wouldn't work otherwise.

These sound a lot like George Carlin's jokes.

[Doug_Tipple]

I received a newsletter today from my Quaker meeting. With regard to the Quaker Business Meetings, which are often long and a little hard to bear, here is a few words which describe my sentiments:

Roses are red, violets are fuchsia,
Not all of the the time is spent on minutia!

[Jack]

I received a newsletter today from my Quaker meeting. With regard to the Quaker Business Meetings, which are often long and a little hard to bear, here is a few words which describe my sentiments:

Roses are red, violets are fuchsia,
Not all of the the time is spent on minutia!

I didn't know you were a Friend. Me, too. Sort of.

[Walden]

Oriental man? Do we use 'oriental' to describe people still? That term smacks of racism to me.

Oriental simply means eastern.

[Flyingcursor]

Oriental man? Do we use 'oriental' to describe people still? That term smacks of racism to me.

*sigh*

[Martin Milner]

I object to being described as Caucasian...

[GaryKelly]

I object to being described as Caucasian...

Just what I'd expect from an Occidental!

[Flyingcursor]

These sound more like Stephen Wright to me.
I think he's a homosapien.

What would a heterosapien be?

[jsluder]

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

A toast: "Here's champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends." (From "The Toast" by Mike Cross.)

[izzarina]

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

This I would like to know

[TooTs]

I think unsliced bread is far better than sliced bread. So it must be unsliced bread.

These are british police terms for ethnic groups....

IC1 White person
IC2 Mediterranean or Hispanic person
IC3 African/Caribbean person
IC4 Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, or any other Asian person
IC5 Chinese, Japanese, or South-East Asian person
IC6 Arabic, Egyptian or Maghreb person
IC0 Origin unknown

[teeisblue]

IC0 Origin unknown

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA