The Fulfillment Center

Doug_Tipple · Post by **Doug_Tipple** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:53 am

I just received an email from the US Postal Service saying that my order was being shipped from the fulfillment center. I guess that to the USPS, "fulfillment center" is the federal government way of saying shipping warehouse. For me, it is a little bit disappointing to know that all that I am going to receive from the fulfillment center are some cardboard boxes that I will have to find a place to store in my living room.

Would anyone like to share their favorite euphemisms? For example, if you look for toilet paper in the paper-goods aisle of the supermarket, all you will find, I'm sorry to say, is bathroom tissue. I am just thankful for see-through packaging.

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:31 am

We live in the age of euphemisms so there should be dozens.
I have a few favorites.

Collateral damage.
Facial Tissue
Passing away
Firearm
"X" challanged. (ie physically, mentally, visually etc)
"time of the month"
inner fashions
golden years
substance abuse
George Carlin's famous, shell shock -> Combat fatigue -> post traumatic stress disorder.

See also http://phrontistery.50megs.com/longpig/dead.html for 213 euphemisms for death and dying.

A quick google for "euphemisms" will turn up some interesting, not safe for work euphemisms for humanity's favorite passtime.

Edited to add:

Correctional facility
Psychiatric hospital
learning facilitator
"improper language" for swearing.
economic downturn

EricWingler · Post by **EricWingler** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:45 am

Flyingcursor wrote:Passing away

Six feet under, pushing up daisies, gone to meet its maker, pining for the fiords, . . .

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:46 am

Sales associate.

btw, my dog just told me she's a domestic protection consultant, working double time as a affection therapist.

avanutria · Post by **avanutria** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:22 am

I always liked sanitation engineer.

Doug_Tipple · Post by **Doug_Tipple** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:59 am

Every day on the evening news during the commercial breaks I see this beautiful woman lying on a couch talking about ED, like it was something that she was watching on the soap opera. I am beginning to feel like I know her. Supposedly, everyone by now should know that ED stands for erectile disfunction. In some cases euphemisms are quite useful, it seems to me.

GaryKelly · Post by **GaryKelly** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:06 am

Doug_Tipple wrote:Every day on the evening news during the commercial breaks I see this beautiful woman lying on a couch talking about ED, like it was something that she was watching on the soap opera. I am beginning to feel like I know her. Supposedly, everyone by now should know that ED stands for erectile disfunction. In some cases euphemisms are quite useful, it seems to me.

She has ED? In what?

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 11:29 am

Here's a euphemism that the corporate world just loves:

"Right-sizing"

Not downsizing, or laying off, or firing... Right-sizing. Yeah, right.

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 1:15 pm

Re-org, or re-oranization. A euphemism for firing people. It just happened here, fortunately at the top (for me). The last place that I worked had one and that's how I lost my job.

THe more I look at re-orgs, the more I am sure that they are the lamest-ass excuse for any reputable business or institution to use. It infers that the old organization wasn't worthy. It's like a sign of low self-esteem at institution level. And they are usually instituted by a worthless bureaucrat the top who is either engaging in personal agendas or bending to the will of a Board of some sort without trying to seem like the person in charge.

Awful.

Post by **Nanohedron** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 2:46 pm

"Inner fashions"? What the blazes is that? Sounds like one's personal preferences when mixing various substances to abuse.

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:05 pm

Flyingcursor wrote:"X" challanged. (ie physically, mentally, visually etc)

I've been told that I am "vertically challenged" since I'm just under 5'3"

ChrisA · Post by **ChrisA** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:12 pm

Flyingcursor wrote: Firearm
substance abuse
George Carlin's famous, shell shock -> Combat fatigue -> post traumatic stress disorder.
Psychiatric hospital
"improper language" for swearing.
economic downturn

I wouldn't consider this group euphemisms at all. Firearm is the generic for pistol/rifle
type weapons. Properly speaking, at least in military parlance, 'guns' are the big-barreled
things. Firearms are (small) arms which shoot projectiles using fire (gunpowder)...
'Saturday Night Special' is a nice euphemistic nickname for cheap short-barreled hold-up
weapon. 'Piece' is also nicely euphemistic in this area, and as a pun, interestingly ironic as
well.

Substance abuse is just shorter than mind-altering substance abuse and less technical (and specific) than Misuse of a Class C Substance. Also more generic, and manages to catch
alcohol abuse and 'drug' abuse in the same category. There aren't too many good
euphemisms in this area, though 'a bit fond of the bottle' is a pleasant way to describe an
alcoholic. Somehow 'a bit fond of the needle' doesn't have the some comforting ring...

A psychiatric hospital is ... a hospital for people with psychiatric problems. It's not
perjorative like 'looney bin', but it's not euphemistic like 'retreat', 'park', or 'home'. ...
and they are hopefully fundamentally different from 'insane asylums' in maybe being a
place of treatment and not just isolation.

Actually, for the longest time we had 'state schools' here, which actually were insane
asylums in all practical senses. The only conceivable reason to call them 'schools' is too
make them sound safer and gentler. They weren't really schools in any sense. That was
a beautifully political euphemism.

Shell shock is specifically combat fatigue caused by the disorientation of not knowing where a shell is going to land. Combat fatigue is a pretty accurate description of what happens - the mind gets exhausted from constant alertness to potential death and starts going haywire.
Post-traumatic stress disorder is the technical and generic term for people who... suffer stress... after experiencing a trauma of some kind. (I have trouble conceiving of anything
with the word 'trauma' in it as a euphemism. 'Trauma' is the category that contains things
like gut-wounds from butchers knives, near-fatal shootings, and the aftermath of being
launched through a car window when you weren't wearing your seatbelt...)

Swearing, or profaning is things like using a diety's name in vain, Cursing is things like damning someone, and vulgarity is using anglo-saxon language in the description of bodily functions and parts that are sexual or eliminatory in nature. And then there's racial epithets, and so on, as well. 'Improper Language' covers the whole lot rather succinctly. 'Bad language' or 'bad words' might be as succinct and a little more plain.

Now, saying that someone is 'plain spoken' when you mean they are constantly swearing
and using vulgarity, that would be a fine euphemism. Alas, nobody would understand
the proper meaning, as plain spoken has come to mean speaking forthrightly. The slightly
less euphemistic, but still primly proper, 'coarsely spoken' might still be understood though.

'Economic downturn' ... isn't even a euphemism... it's a plain old understatement, in
reference to recent years... an economic downturn is when the economy slips. A
recession is when the economy slips for awhile. A depression is when the economy
slips for quite awhile and lots of people lose jobs. We're just now coming out of a
depression by pre-dot-com economic measures, but the definition of depression was
rapidly redefined when Bush took office. I'm not sure what kind of phrase 'jobless
recovery' is, though 'ludicrous' and 'ridiculous' come to mind...

Ahhh, another fine stream of babble. I hope you enjoyed. Or at least won't lynch me.

--Chris

ChrisA · Post by **ChrisA** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:19 pm

izzarina wrote:
Flyingcursor wrote:"X" challanged. (ie physically, mentally, visually etc)
I've been told that I am "vertically challenged" since I'm just under 5'3"

Quoth my favorite button, 'I'm not late, I'm temporally challenged.'

Alas, I haven't worn it since graduation, for some reason...

avanutria · Post by **avanutria** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 4:00 pm

ChrisA wrote: Quoth my favorite button, 'I'm not late, I'm temporally challenged.'

My favourite button had a late 80's computer screen with the following display:

C:\DOS

C:\DOS\RUN

RUN DOS RUN

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 4:43 pm

avanutria wrote:My favourite button had a late 80's computer screen with the following display:

C:\DOS

C:\DOS\RUN

RUN DOS RUN

That reminds me of a list of "Things to yell out loud in the theater while watching The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers".

The best one on the list was to be yelled during the Ents' attack on Isengard:

"RUN, FOREST, RUN!"