Home and roots

[avanutria]

I put wanderlust, which won't really be a surprise to anyone who knows me. I've never lived 5 years in the same place, and have moved nearly an average of once a year. I've lived in Rhode Island, 2 places on Long Island, 5 or 6 places in the rest of New York state (some multiple times), Erie PA, a small town in Oregon, Boise Idaho, Seattle WA, Salt Lake City Utah, and now of course emigrated to London. I think we can safely say I'm a wanderer. I have a fair bit of extended family scattered across the states but my few immediate family members are even more widely scattered, and I haven't lived near family since the mid 90's.

(People ask me where I'm from now and I say "America." 4 out of 5 then say "where in America?" and I either have to make an arbitrary choice or tell them I haven't decided yet. It's rather frustrating.)

I've found that the comfort of places I lived in the states highly depended on activities and friends in the area, and that it would take a fairly long time to get 'settled' in a place. Often I wouldn't settle at all, and would feel something akin to relief when the next move came along.

For the moment, I'm planning to remain in London. Of course, that will depend on landing a job sometime between September and January, when my visa expires. If I don't, the choice won't be up to me anymore.

Ad, feel free to email if you want to chat about this stuff

PS - the worst thing about wanderlust is getting your mail delivered. I'm serious!

[GaryKelly]

Still looking. Never settled. In spite of all the Genesis I used to listen to in my youth:

Was it summer when the river ran dry,
Or was it just another dam.
When the evil of a snowflake in June
Could still be a source of relief.
O how I love you, I once cried long ago,
But I was the one who decided to go.
To search beyond the final crest,
Though I'd heard it said just birds could dwell so high.

So I pretended to have wings for my arms
And took off in the air.
I flew to places which the clouds never see,
Too close to the deserts of sand,
Where a thousand mirages, the shepherds of lies
Forced me to land and take a disguise.
I would welcome a horse's kick to send me back
If I could find a horse not made of sand.

If this desert's all there'll ever be
Then tell me what becomes of me.
A fall of rain?
That must have been another of your dreams,
A dream of mad man moon.

Within the valley of shadowless death
They pray for thunderclouds and rain,
But to the multitude who stand in the rain
Heaven is where the sun shines.
The grass will be greener till the stems turn to brown
And thoughts will fly higher till the earth brings them down.

Forever caught in desert lands one has to learn
To disbelieve the sea.

If this desert's all there'll ever be
Then tell me what becomes of me.
A fall of rain?
That must have been another of your dreams,
A dream of mad man moon.

[amar]

i've lived in various places, most weren't my choice, we moved as a family, first sweden, then pasadena, then duarte, then here to switzerland. the flat i live in now is the 6th place i've lived in ever since i'm in switzerland (since 1975 that is).
I'm a guy that doesn't like to move around too much, my home must feel like a home too, and that only happens once i've lived long enough in one place. yeah, i guess i can say that i feel at home here, although each time i'm in edinburgh it feels like home for me too.
oh, by the way, am off to scotland again on june 4th.

[RonKiley]

jsluder expressed my feelings. I always think of that last line spoken by Adam, "Where Eve was there was Eden".

We have lived in a number of places around the country, Idaho, Seattle, Rhode Island and of course Maryland. We enjoyed every one of them. I am now living within 20 miles of where I was born and my wife was born within 5 miles. I believe there is a special connection to that place where the sun first shone on you. I would not recognize this as the place where I grew up if I hadn't been around.

Ron

[ChrisA]

Due to moves, I went to three different nursery schools, two different grade schools,
only one junior high, but three different high schools. I went to community college on one
coast and finished my degree on the other. Still and all, I've lived in this state by choice
for some time now, but I don't know how rooted I really feel. Even within the state,
various factors have forced me to move around though I'd rather not have.

I think we live in a very rootless society, and more so all the time. The farming communities
still seem to have the deepest roots, but they're being displaced by corporate farms.

--Chris

[jsluder]

As long as my wife and I are together and happy in our relationship, then we're home.

yes. sometimes it's a shift in just such a relationship that can trigger the angst. I hope such a thing will never happen to you jsl.

Thanks; that's my hope, as well. Seventeen years and counting...

We've lived in Tennessee, Texas and Washington. Each move was a result of my employment changing. I admit that I prefer Washington over Texas, but I do miss having the rest of my family nearby; they're mostly still in Tennessee. If we could live anywhere, without having to take employment into consideration, I'm not sure where we'd want to settle. I guess we'll worry about that when it's time to retire.

[Cynth]

I agree with ChrisA about farming communities, or at least some of them. There are people I know around here who live in the country or small towns---really small towns---and every relative they have in the world lives in the area. It would be considered tragic if someone moved away. I think many would not ever do it. All the generations get together at least once a week at someone's house. The people I know have told me that they make an effort to keep the families together though---it really is the most important thing to them. They plan get togethers and cook food and babysit grandchildren and check up on their parents. It is a culture that I have no experience of and it sounds wonderful but also a bit scary to me to have everyone involved in what I am doing.

[The Weekenders]

It's perplexing. My family roots go back to 1776 here in the SF Bay Area. I am in genealogical organizations that reflect both the Hispanic and Gold Rush Anglo-American parts of my family, I love the history of California and study and share it through music and dance in performances. I can't look at a California map without seeing places that my ancestors named or have had named after them. I feel very connected.

But when its all said and done, the area has changed so much that its hardly like it was 40 years ago, much less 200. Too many people competing for too little space, and owning a piece a property is like an oil well once you have paid it off. The local and state governments are in chaos for the most part, no matter whether its idealogical craziness, like legislating bathroom privileges for in-transition trans-gendered folk, or just good ol corruption. Our local school district may soon have a major secession of its best tax base because its so corrupt. The social services are at the breaking point due to many illegal aliens and their families and the long-term effect of their presence. You have all read about California stalemates with labor, the Governor, the legislature, the highway system etc. We seem incapable of getting anything done lately. If you could only see the Bay Bridge right now. There are almost two dozen massive cranes constructing a new half of the bridge but the entire project has drawn to a standstill because the "authorities" never did get their numbers straight. To use an overused by Steve Jobs word, its "insane." (BTW, I have heard that the super tunnel in Boston is having some kind of similar problem.)

Even on the very best day with the best weather, the consequences of the dysfunction tend to intrude, whether its the latest crime on the block, the unsolved traffic congestion or the burdensome thoughts of future development. We are on the verge of having a casino built that is as big as 4 Walmarts with 2500 slot machines approximately one mile from my house in a traffic corridor that already has commute hour gridlock. It will affect many many people who pass through here so its not just a NIMBY issue. So that kind of pre-empts the idea that, on a day-to-day basis, those bigger issues don't really change the quality of daily life. We still have the best weather in the world perhaps and there is less visible smog etc than when I was younger (though we all wonder about more hidden pollutants). Thankfully, there is a lot of nature and the birdlife is restored in many places, which give one some little glimmer of hope, and we do have a lot of places to hike and enjoy interspersed with the build-out.

So, despite really strong ties, I wonder about bugging out. Typically, coastal folk here usually think Northwest, like further up the state or even Oregon and Washington. All we really seek is to turn the clock back a bit. But those areas are in transition too though still have many areas that are not congested, yet. The Weekender will likely head up to the redwoods at some later date (when kids are out of the house) so the answer is, yes, I am considering it.

[BillChin]

A friend of mine remarked a feeling of being alone. This despite a devouted spouse, active community service, over 30 years in the same place, a large family, and many close friends. I saw this as more of an interior attitude than outer environment. I am similar in some ways, at times, not appreciating the blessings that I have and looking at what I seem to be missing.

There are things a person can do to develop more of a sense of home and community. Being more involved, being kinder, being open, and more forgiving.

Some people are willing to write off friends at the smallest excuse. They need to be respected, they need to be right, they seem to need to complain and pick fights at every opportunity. The drama feeds them and they attract it to fill that need. In some cases, these folks also end up lonely without a single true friend in the world. There is no moral right or wrong in these decisions, just choice.

For some the grass will always be greener in the next town. The fork in the road is always the "wrong" one taken. Again, this is more of a personality issue than anything related to outer environment. For people always dreaming of somewhere else, someone else, it is an attitude, a choice. Usually, when that person moves somewhere else, or onto someone else, that feeling remains.
+ Bill

[Wormdiet]

I'm one of those people who's moved on too regular a basis to put down real roots. I havent lived more than three years on one location for 20 years.

The most comfortable I've felt was actually in St. Louis, but that had more to do with the fact that I was in a serious relationship and had a lot of friends with similar interests.

[Nanohedron]

This is interesting. I was born in Minneapolis but my family were nomadic and I never resided here until I was about 21 years old (I include the whole local metro area, including suburbs). Living now for 12+ years in Minneapolis proper, and can't imagine hanging my hat anywhere else. It's home, such as it is. Everywhere else I've been an exile. Odd.

[cowtime]

I agree with ChrisA about farming communities, or at least some of them. There are people I know around here who live in the country or small towns---really small towns---and every relative they have in the world lives in the area. It would be considered tragic if someone moved away. I think many would not ever do it. All the generations get together at least once a week at someone's house. The people I know have told me that they make an effort to keep the families together though---it really is the most important thing to them. They plan get togethers and cook food and babysit grandchildren and check up on their parents. It is a culture that I have no experience of and it sounds wonderful but also a bit scary to me to have everyone involved in what I am doing.

You just described my life! We do all of the above.

[Doug_Tipple]

My ancestors on both sides of my family were farmers that migrated westward and finally settled on land near the border of Indiana and Ohio. I was born in small town of 5,000 souls. It was a perfect town for a kid, because it was small enough to know completely. I knew all the business owners around the court house square. I passed papers and got to know many of the residents.

I had always liked reading the Arizona Highways magazines. Coming from the farming country of the midwest, it was hard for me to envision what I saw in those magazines. Even while I was a student at Indiana University, I still kept looking at Arizona Highways in the library at college.

As fate would have it, I was offered a scholarship to study at the University of Arizona in Tucson, and I jumped at the opportunity. My performance at the university wasn't that stellar, but I stayed in Arizona for 30 years. I feel that Arizona is my spiritual home, even though that now I am back in my home state of Indiana.

My father is 90 years old, and my feeling is that at least one of his sons should live close enough to help him in his old age. I love the farmland of Indiana, and I am thankflul for the situation of my birth. But as the long winter days of overcast skys begin to cast their depressive spell on me, I open an Arizona Highways maganzine and see, once again, a place where I feel most comfortable.

[aderyn_du]

As fate would have it, I was offered a scholarship to study at the University of Arizona in Tucson, and I jumped at the opportunity. My performance at the university wasn't that stellar, but I stayed in Arizona for 30 years. I feel that Arizona is my spiritual home, even though that now I am back in my home state of Indiana.
.

Doug, how cool-- I went to the University of Arizona!! I grew up in Green Valley, and moved to Tucson in '89 to go to the U of A. I lived there until '96. When did you move away?

I remember Arizona Highways magazine too.


Best,
ad

Edited to add another synchronistic thing: my father is from Indiana, born and raised.

[Flyingcursor]

So, I decided to ask if I'm alone in feeling this way. Have you found the place that makes you happy and you could never dream of leaving, or does your heart dream of elsewhere?

A heart which dreams of elsewhere...I'm afraid having that sensation might be indicative of a chronic existential condition which would not necessarily be cured by a geographic move.

I speak from the standpoint of one who went to 3 undergrad schools hoping I'd feel that neat click-into-place--but never did. Raising young kids gave me a pretty good grounded feeling, but now, when I get that urge to wander, or find the next "right place" I take it to be a symptom of uncomfortable conditions in my life which need to be confronted and dealt with in a way that won't necessarily require a geographic shift. (But sometimes moving is the right thing.)

Ditto. And I'd like to add, no matter where you go, there you are.