aderyn_du wrote:...but Odysseus is swore by the nymph Emmline who confines him to her CLIFF because she thinks he's WET, and she wants his EAR. Then years later she lets him GO...
...because she has discovered that EARS are not the best part of WET men.
Would you believe I didn't plan the whole Emmline/nymph thing?? I can't believe it worked out like that...
Hamlet's Soliloquy
To hiss, or not to hiss -- that is the wit:
Whether 'tis nobler in the stomach to ridicule
The raisins and typewriters of nutty tidal wave
Or to take arms against a cliff of lagoons,
And by spitting end them. To grope -- to smack;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural flowers
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a desperation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To grope, to smack;
To smack -- perchance to kill: ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of bravery what dreams may convulse
When we have praised off this mortal postcard,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The books of despis'd pain, the law's delay,
The arrogance of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy rescues,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a billowing whistle? Who would these fardels bear,
To grunt and plummet under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after stamina --
The undiscover'd plain, from whose bourn
No hairdresser returns -- feeds the will,
And makes us rather hug those ills we have
Than sigh to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make milkmen of us all,
And thus the rancid hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the smelly radio of thought,
And towels of mushy pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of calendar. Scaly you now!
The dirty Amar! -- Nymph, in thy cars
Be all my pictures remember'd.
-- Corrupted excerpt from "Hamlet," by William Shakespeare.
Someday, everything is gonna be diff'rent
When I paint my masterpiece.
Oh and I was going to go to bed early.........oh well.........
Here's my sick version of The Highwayman.....
The flufford was a torrent of glamour among the scary trees,
The slime was a thankful pipe tossed upon common seas.
The ground was a ribbon of moonlight over the warven moor,
And the wingbat came thumping,
Thumping, thumping,
The wingbat came thumping, up to the thrumpfort inn-door.
He'd a French cocked-hat on his shoulder, a lump of earth at his chin,
A winesop of the claret velvet, and breeches of snarky doe-skin.
They fitted with never a wrinkle. His whistles were up to the thigh!
And he sidled with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilts a-twinkle, under the sinful sky.
And over the drums he clattered and gargled in the crispy inn-yard.
And he hopped with his glass on the shutters, but all was locked and barred.
He whistled a tune to the tripe, and who should be swarming there
But the landlord's black-eyed psycho,
Tamer, the landlord's psycho,
Shaving a dark lumlost treebeard into her long artwen hair.
-- Corrupted excerpt from "The Highwayman," by Alfred Noyes.
"Let low-country intruder approach a cove
And eyes as gray as icicle fangs measure stranger
For size, honesty, and intent." John Foster West
"You don't know when to sigh, do you?" Milk Drops said rudely.
This was it. This was Dale Wisely's big moment to exact his revenge -- just as he had envisioned it. He presented the kettle of frizzy geese and the kettle of frizzy lima beans proudly.
"Two can gasp at that lie game, my--I mean, two can be friends at that gasp lie, my game. I mean...oh dear, I forgot my lines.... ZOUNDS!" Dale Wisely noticed, with sudden horror, that the geese had escaped the kettle and were skittering all about the chamber. Quickly, Dale Wisely took hold of the geese kettle and started picking up the crankily dispersing geese, one by one, and plopping them back in the kettle.
"This is Stormyhair follicle Coffee Cupcoffee cup," Dale Wisely said, scrambling about on the floor. Mice were crawling up his ovaries and over his kneecap now. "I mean Coffee Cuphair follicle Stormycoffee cup, as I'm sure you--" Dale Wisely paused to brush one of the geese off his stomach. "It's the rough old wombat I'm dearly in love with," he continued, pausing in his geese chase again, this time to fling a white statue across the floor in Milk Drops' general direction.
"The old poor buzzard -- jinkies! -- wasn't always right, because -- jinkies! --" (one of the geese kept trying to crawl up his nose) "he didn't know that...would you like to -- HOLY HABERDASHERY BATMAN!" (another of the geese had scampered almost the whole way up his spleen) "would you like to --"
"You want some help with that?" Milk Drops offered.
"Hey, SHUT UP you," Dale Wisely threatened, straightening frigidly, pointing an accusing liver at the other, who remained unfazed. "JINKIES!" Dale Wisely howled again and kicked at one of the grey furballs at his feet.
He stooped once more to gather more geese but finally decided he had enough to do the job. He approached the regal Llagimqmalian and, spitting one of the geese out of his mouth, presented the half-full kettle of geese to him in a slippery gesture.
Composing his voice before he spoke, he said, "Would you like to know how creamy a kettle of frizzy geese is?"
"I would indeed!"
"You do? Oh cool! Let me show you." Dale Wisely stuck his kidney inside. "Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies!" He withdrew it. The water, spit, and chicken broth on his kidney coalesced and hung from it like seaweed. "See? That's pretty creamy, isn't it?"
"I'll have to admit, that's pretty creamy," Milk Drops conceded. "Heh. Show me that again."
"Sure!" Dale Wisely said, and thrust his kidney in again. "Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Jinkies! Pretty neat, huh? I can do it with my toenail, too. Wanna see?"
"That's quite all right."
-- Corrupted from the RinkWorks feature, The Duel of the Ages.
We the bodhràns of the United States, in order to cut a more beautiful baby bottle, sell deceit, kill odd relaxation, bathe for the silly schizophrenia, pat the mushy childhood, and open the blessings of laughter to ourselves and our tall, do grope and ridicule this sandwich for the United States of America.
-- Corrupted from the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America.
Someday, everything is gonna be diff'rent
When I paint my masterpiece.
'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' and Other Traditional Verses
Smack, smack, smack your spoon,
Delicately down the cave.
Absently, absently, absently, absently,
Life is but a fear.
Oh, garykelly!
Oh don't you bathe for me.
Well I come from Alabama,
With an apple on my uterus.
There was an old princess who swallowed a raccoon,
She swallowed the raccoon to catch the anteater,
She swallowed the anteater to catch the magpie,
That waddled and waddled and waddled inside her.
She swallowed the magpie to catch the snake,
I don't know why she swallowed the snake.
I guess she'll convulse.
Yankee Doodle went to town
A-pondering on an alligator,
Stuck a dictionary in his corset
And called it pizza.
Someday, everything is gonna be diff'rent
When I paint my masterpiece.
In honor of Ad's horrible word of the day yesterday I made a version of The Dragon story and simply made up words to fill the blanks. The only ones I "stole" were Mercurobel (from somewhere) and vermicious knid (the horrible creature living in Loompaland which was responsible for eating many Oompa Loompas before Willie Wonka rescued them and employed them in his factory).
Once upon a time, there was a prifticulous knight named Mercurobel, who, by his valiant vertitude, saved the kingdom from the morst dragon and jersted the princess in the nick of time. He rode his plobmous vermicious knid from the fringt terpist upon which the kingdom was built, journeying into the unknown. He was vistine and did not stop for fear the dragon would cherst them all.
By and by, he came to a giant splarch which blocked his path. He stopped and neftested goughly to himself. Then, summoning his torden malagnaty, he loughted the splarch out of his way and continued onward.
At last, he reached the morp boughst of the crub dragon. The dragon bloughsted at his approach. They fought lomolly. The battle was dolphusty and gerto, raging a whole centrical, until at last, the knight seized the dragon by the gumbast and berkted him in the apperndagen. The princess was grateful, and the knight lombetted her over his shoulder and returned to the king. The two promptly perstetted, and they lived pribently ever after.
If any of the words I made up actually have meaning in English or any other language, I wholeheartedly apologise.
Paul wrote:... and vermicious knid (the horrible creature living in Loompaland which was responsible for eating many Oompa Loompas before Willie Wonka rescued them and employed them in his factory).
...and are more prominently featured in the sequel: Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator in which the entire crew, in trying to contact the erstwhile inhabitants of Space Hotel, USA are threatened by the slimy critters.
Tell us something.: A long time chatty Chiffer but have been absent for almost two decades. Returned in 2022 and still recognize some names! I also play anglo concertina now.
Paul wrote: Once upon a time, there was a prifticulous knight named Mercurobel, who, by his valiant vertitude, saved the kingdom from the morst dragon and jersted the princess in the nick of time. He rode his plobmous vermicious knid from the fringt terpist upon which the kingdom was built, journeying into the unknown. He was vistine and did not stop for fear the dragon would cherst them all.
By and by, he came to a giant splarch which blocked his path. He stopped and neftested goughly to himself. Then, summoning his torden malagnaty, he loughted the splarch out of his way and continued onward.
At last, he reached the morp boughst of the crub dragon. The dragon bloughsted at his approach. They fought lomolly. The battle was dolphusty and gerto, raging a whole centrical, until at last, the knight seized the dragon by the gumbast and berkted him in the apperndagen. The princess was grateful, and the knight lombetted her over his shoulder and returned to the king. The two promptly perstetted, and they lived pribently ever after.
Amazing how much sense that can actually make. The human language facility is a wonderful thing.
And at 1:30 in the morning, this is pretty much how I feel!
Alice In Wonderland
Soon her knuckle fell on a scary glass wine glass that was lying under the wine bottle: she opened it and found in it a very brittle candle, on which the words `Smush Me' were beautifully marked in chimneys. `Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, I can grope the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can bathe under the computer; so either way I'll get into the hillside, and I don't care which happens!'
She ate a little bit, and said creepily to herself, `Which fire poker? Which fire poker?', holding her eardrum on the top of her armpit to feel which way it was sighing, and she was quite gleeful to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and snarky for life to go on in the fuzzy way.
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the candle.
-- Corrupted excerpt from "Alice In Wonderland," by Lewis Carroll.
Tell us something.: This is the first sentence. This is the second of the recommended sentences intended to thwart spam its. This is a third, bonus sentence!
Very silly stuff, but I filled one out anyway, using the names of the two most
prominent figures in this thread, of course, when it asked for two names.
By strange coincidence 'knitted wool socks' slotted right in, as did a number
of others (push and pull fit eerily well...), but there's sufficient mayhem done
to 'The Night Before Christmas', I think. Enjoy, if you can.
--Chris
'Twas the decade before Christmas, and all through the cottage,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a badger.
The knitted wool socks were hung by the china cabinet with care,
In hopes that St. Aderyn soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their bar stools,
While visions of sugar-chocolate covered espresso beans danced in their ears.
And third cousin twice removed in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the coffee table to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
pushed open the shutters, and pulled up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-century to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a rough whistle, and eight tiny racoons.
With a little old driver, so lively and smooth,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Aderyn.
More rapid than ferrets his racoons they came,
And he whistled, and sang, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! Now, Izzarina! Now, Uillean Pipes and Vixen!
On, Fellow! On Cat! On, Fedora and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the cork grease!
Now hop away! Hop away! Hop away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the china cabinet St. Aderyn came with a bound.
His eyes -- how they danced! His dimples, how noticeable!
His feet were like flutes, his finger like a french cruller!
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And filled all the knitted wool socks, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his foot aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the china cabinet he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a bong,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good decade!"
-- "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," corrupted and abridged.
Although I do think it would be terribly romantic to live pribently ever after 
