Send my husband to Sligo!

[Jen.]

I am trying to pack my husband, who is a regular reader of and contributor to this board, off to Sligo for a week and a half this spring. He'll have the chance to see, and maybe play with, an older player whose playing has really inspired him.

He is being reluctant, not because he doesn't want to go, but because:

He's never been overseas.

He's never been that far from home alone before.

and

He's not sure he's ready to play in sessions there.

I say:

So what.

There's a first time for everything.

and

He knows enough to recognize when to play and when to listen.

Given that our tax refund was twice what we were expecting, that the extra will entirely cover the trip, and that he can work from anywhere so days off aren't an issue, WHAT CAN I SAY TO CONVINCE HIM TO GO?

Help!


--Jen.

[susnfx]

I will never in my life have a chance to go to Sligo. I would give anything to be able to make a trip like that. If he doesn't go it will be a slap in the face to all those of us who can only live these things vicariously.

Besides that, if he doesn't go, it can only be because he's incredibly dumb. And why would you want to be married to anybody like that? So you'd have to divorce him, right?

Are those good enough reasons?

Susan

[Bloomfield]

Absolutely send him. Don't let him out of this one.

[GaryKelly]

If I ever marry it will be to a woman as fine as yourself, Jen.

[dwinterfield]

I am trying to pack my husband, who is a regular reader of and contributor to this board, off to Sligo for a week and a half this spring. He'll have the chance to see, and maybe play with, an older player whose playing has really inspired him.

He is being reluctant, not because he doesn't want to go, but because:

He's never been overseas.

He's never been that far from home alone before.

and

He's not sure he's ready to play in sessions there.

I say:

So what.

There's a first time for everything.

and

He knows enough to recognize when to play and when to listen.

Given that our tax refund was twice what we were expecting, that the extra will entirely cover the trip, and that he can work from anywhere so days off aren't an issue, WHAT CAN I SAY TO CONVINCE HIM TO GO?

Help!


--Jen.

I know exactly how he feels. The couch is comfortable, safe and predictable. First off why don't you go with him? Assuming there's a good negative answer to that, tell him to go anyway. Life should never be too safe and predictable. The risks are low and the potential rewards are huge.

My initial response to many new suggestions is an instinctive "NO". Fortunately I ignore myself on a regular basis. Aside from a few events with my wife's family, going and doing something new always turns out fine, if not great. I suspect he know's this. I recognize the symptoms. Just keep reminding him that the aniexiety leading up to the trip will vanish once the trip begins.

[djm]

Better a wife who would want to go with me. If its that good, it is something to be shared.

Does he have a passport? Is he really ready to make a commitment to a big trip at this time? We couch-potatoes need to build ourselves up to new things. Perhaps you could more easily persuade him by pointing out all the non-playing things he could do, so that he feels like there is less pressure on him to go only to "perform".

And why the hell are you not going with him?

djm

[SteveShaw]

If I ever marry it will be to a woman as fine as yourself, Jen.

I AM married to a woman as fine as yourself, Jen, but if I went off to Sligo for a week and a half by myself I'd get back to find the locks had been changed. The man must go. He has no alternative.

Steve

Ps. Can I have your accountant's address please!

[Tyghress]

Sligo....meglithic circles, souterrains, bare Ben Bulben's head, St. Bridget's Well, fairy forts and some really tremendous music. So he doesn't think he's ready to play in session? Fine....go listen and listen some more, and talk with the people.

Some of my best memories. . .sweet. . .

GO! NAGDABIT! GO!

Who are we nagging about?

[The Weekenders]

Gary beat me to it, but consider this an in-fun marriage proposal!!

Actually, I have had two relationships of importance in my life. In the first, my partner did little to spur me on to try new things. In the second, it was lotsa turmoil, lotsa change, lotsa challenge. I grumbled all the way, but have had a better life because of it.

It's just so easy to be a lump. But if all else fails, send me the plane ticket.

[Miwokhill]

I'd feel uneasy about insisting someone go if they were leaning in the other direction, altough I know what you're describing is most likely not that way. Still, in the spirit of compromise you could perhaps put the money aside and add to it a little each month and then next year both of you go. (as others have suggested, that you both go) This way he could become even more proficient at playing before playing sessions in eire. Also it might be interesting to visit other places too and waiting would give you more time to plan. I think it would be great to share the experience.
mike

[colomon]

I think he should go!

[Jen.]

He's leaning in the direction of going (talking about buying a quieter whistle to make sure he doesn't stand out too much at the pub and saying "when I'm in Ireland" but not yet ready to buy the plane ticket).

He found out this afternoon that one of his other whistle teachers is also going to be in Sligo the same weekend, so that's good.

We've talked about whether I should go or not ... what it comes down to is this: if he goes alone, he can stay out at all the sessions as late as he wants and bury himself in whatever archives he likes for as long as he likes and immerse himself in the music without having to worry about me -- who tends to like to go to sleep earlier than 5 a.m. (though the time difference is in our favor there ) and who, during a trip to Ireland, would rather spend time traveling around than stay in one small town the whole time, which is one of his dreams. It would cost nearly twice as much for me to go, too, and if I don't go we might be able to both go someplace higher on my list later this summer.

Plus, if he left for a week I could paint his office. Heh ...

Just to be clear, though, I'm not trying to push him into something he doesn't want to do. The issue seems more to be that it's too good to be true.

I might go, still ... I would just do different things some of the time. (He'd love it if I fell in love with Sligo style, too, but I'm more of a crooked bouncy tunes kind of girl.)

[ErikT]

My dear wife is allowing me the same thing this summer. It will be my first vacation by myself - ever (we've dated now for nearly 20 years). So I'm apprehensive from that standpoint.

But I can also see the benefit of stopping anywhere I want for as long as I want. I can see the benefit of getting to wait for the perfect light to take my picture rather than having to worry about the 3 children in the car.

So I'm looking forward to this grand experiment and laud your care and love toward your husband. Tell him not to let inertia ruin what could be a great experience.

Erik

[dubhlinn]

Sligo has always been one of my favourite parts of Ireland and I have very fond memories of the times I spent there.
Whoever you are..grab this opportunity with both hands ,you will not regret one moment.

As somebody once said " A dyin' man only regrets the things he hasn't done.."


Slan,
D.

[Jennie]

I'm with the "yes" votes. And though I can imagine it might be a wonderful experience going together, I can also imagine it would be a totally different and delightful experience for him to go on his own. My spouse has been very generously supporting an occasional music weekend for me, taking care of our girls while I drive away to play and sing.

I love the times my kids can play and sing with me, or when my husband can be there to listen and share the ambiance. But it is such a freeing feeling to have only the music and the moment, and to let go of the logistical responsibility of another person who wants food, or exercise, or sleep. So I totally support his solo trip, and I see it as a gift he will be grateful for, as long as you find that you really want to give it and feel no resentment about sending him off.

Jennie