A Neutron Walks Into a Bar...
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Sunnywindo
- Posts: 615
- Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2002 6:00 pm
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Okay, as pentince (is that the right word? Don't feel like spell checking) I'm going to post a joke.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."
Sara
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."
Sara'I wish it need not have happend in my time,' said Frodo.
'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'
-LOTR-
'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'
-LOTR-
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TelegramSam
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%15 evil. How disappointing. I was hoping I'd get at least 50. 
<i>The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.</i>
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Jeff Stallard
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j dasinger
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avanutria
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- Tell us something.: A long time chatty Chiffer but have been absent for almost two decades. Returned in 2022 and still recognize some names! I also play anglo concertina now.
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I.D.10-t
- Posts: 7660
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 9:57 am
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- Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA, Earth
1)Do you often sleep more than 9 hours a night? No not often.
2)Do you own an SUV? No do you think I am Satan!!!
3)Do you speed while driving? Yes I sometimes drive faster than the road conditions permit.
4)Do you cut people ... ...with a knife? Sometimes with paper... ...off? Oh you mean driving? I always use my turn signal so I have the right of way. No
5)Have you ever lied? No. (That last statement was a lie.)
6)...To your family? Yes.
7) Do you curse (swear, cuss, etc)? Heck no.
8 ) ...a lot? You mean like every fricken other word, Heck no.(does heck count?)
9)Have you ever cheated on a test? Do drug tests count? I didn't have time to study.
10)Have you ever skipped class? No still low class.
11)Have you ever called in sick just to get the day off? Not just to get the day off.
12)Do you drink? I will assume you mean alcohol.
13)Do you smoke? In the past?
14)Are you under age for either? I only wish!
15)Ever driven drunk? By legal standards? Or how I felt? No
16)Ever tried an illegal drug? The first time I tried Clairitin it was while it was still a prescription drug. It was handed to me by someone that thought it would make me “feel better”. Yes.
17)...multiple illegal drugs? My mom gave me prescription cough syrup for a cold she had recovered from but given to me. Yes
18)Do you use drugs habitually? Caffeine! Yes
19)Ever sold drugs to others? Does coke count?
20)...to kids? When I was in high school I sold a coke to some one.
21)Have you ever shoplifted? I have taken extra napkins from a restaurant to clean up a spill in a car.
22)Have you shoplifted more than once? YES
23)Have you ever stolen from your friends or family? Yes their hearts
24)Have you ever cheated anyone out of money? My boss, I should be working rather than posting to Chiff and Fipple.
25)Have you ever sold someone something for more than it was worth? My work (See24)
26)Were they friend or family? My work is like one big family.
27)Have you ever cheated on your significant other? no
28)Did you feel sorry afterwards (if 27 was no choose if you would have if it was yes)? yes
29)Have you ever dumped your significant other for someone else? no
30)Have you ever killed an animal? Mosquitoes, snails, fish, Cows, etc.
31) ...on purpose? Self defense, in my fish tank, who knew that they use fish scales to clarify beer? Paid assassin Macdonald's.
32) Are you a virgin? Yes! Never been to the rocky horror picture show.(Deviants!)
33)Do you consider yourself kinky? yes
34)Do others consider you kinky? No. (I guess I'm not trying hard enough.)
35)Have you ever looked up lichen on the Internet? Does Spam count?
36)Have you ever possessed pornographic material? Yes. Stupid Spam.
37)Do you masturbate? No!
38)Have you ever slept with someone just to get something in return? (Wow that seems to mean that I have something to offer.) No
39)...for money? See38
40)Have you ever posed for nude photos? Yes (stupid 1 year old bathtub pictures that my mom brought out to show each new girlfriend I ever had
41)Have you ever had a one night stand? (see 38.)
42)Multiple one night stands? (see 41)
43)Do you ever think about committing murder? Meat is murder!
44)Have you ever downloaded illegal software (warez, Divx, mp3)? No how do you do that?
45)Have you ever cursed in church? In church? And how am I suppose to go there without bursting into flames? Maybe in an armored SUV!!
2)Do you own an SUV? No do you think I am Satan!!!
3)Do you speed while driving? Yes I sometimes drive faster than the road conditions permit.
4)Do you cut people ... ...with a knife? Sometimes with paper... ...off? Oh you mean driving? I always use my turn signal so I have the right of way. No
5)Have you ever lied? No. (That last statement was a lie.)
6)...To your family? Yes.
7) Do you curse (swear, cuss, etc)? Heck no.
8 ) ...a lot? You mean like every fricken other word, Heck no.(does heck count?)
9)Have you ever cheated on a test? Do drug tests count? I didn't have time to study.
10)Have you ever skipped class? No still low class.
11)Have you ever called in sick just to get the day off? Not just to get the day off.
12)Do you drink? I will assume you mean alcohol.
13)Do you smoke? In the past?
14)Are you under age for either? I only wish!
15)Ever driven drunk? By legal standards? Or how I felt? No
16)Ever tried an illegal drug? The first time I tried Clairitin it was while it was still a prescription drug. It was handed to me by someone that thought it would make me “feel better”. Yes.
17)...multiple illegal drugs? My mom gave me prescription cough syrup for a cold she had recovered from but given to me. Yes
18)Do you use drugs habitually? Caffeine! Yes
19)Ever sold drugs to others? Does coke count?
20)...to kids? When I was in high school I sold a coke to some one.
21)Have you ever shoplifted? I have taken extra napkins from a restaurant to clean up a spill in a car.
22)Have you shoplifted more than once? YES
23)Have you ever stolen from your friends or family? Yes their hearts
24)Have you ever cheated anyone out of money? My boss, I should be working rather than posting to Chiff and Fipple.
25)Have you ever sold someone something for more than it was worth? My work (See24)
26)Were they friend or family? My work is like one big family.
27)Have you ever cheated on your significant other? no
28)Did you feel sorry afterwards (if 27 was no choose if you would have if it was yes)? yes
29)Have you ever dumped your significant other for someone else? no
30)Have you ever killed an animal? Mosquitoes, snails, fish, Cows, etc.
31) ...on purpose? Self defense, in my fish tank, who knew that they use fish scales to clarify beer? Paid assassin Macdonald's.
32) Are you a virgin? Yes! Never been to the rocky horror picture show.(Deviants!)
33)Do you consider yourself kinky? yes
34)Do others consider you kinky? No. (I guess I'm not trying hard enough.)
35)Have you ever looked up lichen on the Internet? Does Spam count?
36)Have you ever possessed pornographic material? Yes. Stupid Spam.
37)Do you masturbate? No!
38)Have you ever slept with someone just to get something in return? (Wow that seems to mean that I have something to offer.) No
39)...for money? See38
40)Have you ever posed for nude photos? Yes (stupid 1 year old bathtub pictures that my mom brought out to show each new girlfriend I ever had
41)Have you ever had a one night stand? (see 38.)
42)Multiple one night stands? (see 41)
43)Do you ever think about committing murder? Meat is murder!
44)Have you ever downloaded illegal software (warez, Divx, mp3)? No how do you do that?
45)Have you ever cursed in church? In church? And how am I suppose to go there without bursting into flames? Maybe in an armored SUV!!
"Be not deceived by the sweet words of proverbial philosophy. Sugar of lead is a poison."
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BrassBlower
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No E wrote:Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The barman asks "Will you have a drink?"
Descartes replies "I think not," then disappears
No(t very) E(vil--18%)
https://www.facebook.com/4StringFantasy
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo