Funniest Song/Album(CD) titles

[Loren]

Okay, to balance out the dirg of a thread I started elsewhere here, how about we post some funny song titles (I don't have enough time to read through the lyrics of entire songs AND keep up with the other thread )

Here are a couple off the top of my head:

"Sketches for my Sweetheart the Drunk" CD title, Jeff Buckley

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tunafish" REO Speedwagon (Yeah, corny as hell, but it still makes me chuckle)

Loren

[Dale]

CD names:

"Hairway to Steven"
by The Butthole Surfers

“GAS UP MY HOTROD STOKER, THE KWELA GROOVE FRENZY'S HIT TOWN"
and
“THE INDESTRUCTIBLE BEAT OF SOUTH NORWOOD.”
by Positively Testcard

"Frank Zappa Plays The Music of Frank Zappa: A Memorial Tribute"
by Frank Zappa

[amar]

.....butthole surfers....

[Wombat]

Before we get sick of corn:
E's Flat and Ah's Flat too — Charles Mingus

Invocation and Ritual Dance of the Young Pumpkin — Mothers of Invention
Literally dozens of Franks Zappa titles.

Can Blue Men Sing teh Whites — The Bonzo Dog Band
Several other Bonzos songs.

[chas]

Ah, Wombat beat me to Frank Zappa. Several of my favorite titles of his:

Prelude to the afternoon of a sexually aroused gas mask (on the classic album, "Weasels ripped my flesh")
Dwarf nebula processional and dwarf nebula
Evelyn, a modified dog (on the album, "Chunga's revenge", not the funniest title, but possibly the funniest album cover)
Peaches en regalia
Help, I'm a rock
Call any vegetable

Tom Waits: Warm beer and cold women

Firesign Theater: Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers

[Feadan]

Can Blue Men Sing teh Whites — The Bonzo Dog Band

Been done before. Long before The Bonzo Dog Band the original name of Leon Russell's first album was "Can a Blue Man Play the Whites".




Okay. Here is where I confess to being a member of the Sick Puppy Club.

"Don't Crush that Dwarf! Hand Me the Pliers" - Firesign Theater

The title has no bearing at all upon the content. Wonderfully funny recording. With such memorable lines as:

"...here at the Powerhouse Church of the Presumptuous Assumption of...the Blinding Light"

♫♪ "Oh Blinding Light!
Oh Light that Blinds!
I cannot see!
Look out for me!" ♫♪ (bump, crash)

and

"Gee Porge, where ya gonna graduate from?"

"Holy Mudhead, Mackerel! More Science High...it's...disappeared!!!"


Cheers,
David

[scottielvr]

Firesign Theater
Wonderfully funny recording. With such memorable lines as:
"...here at the Powerhouse Church of the Presumptuous Assumption of...the Blinding Light"

Oh, yes, for the old days of FT ... I Was a Cock-Teaser for Roosterama! and Nick Danger, Third Eye, and of course the Papoon For President campoon ("Not Insane!").

And then there was Captain Beefheart:
Trout Mask Replica
Neon Meate Dream of an Octafish
Semi-Multicolored Caucasian
The Past Sure is Tense
The Thousandth And Tenth Day Of The Human Totem Pole
and the immortal
Lick My Decals Off, Baby

[cowtime]

As several have previously posted, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention had some really funny ones. I think I'll list a few that have yet to be mentioned-


Wowie Zowie

Wowie Zowie
Your love's a treat
Wowie Zowie
You can't be beat
Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so neat
I don't even care
If you shave your legs

Wowie Zowie, baby
You're so fine
Wowie Zowie, baby
Please be mine
Wowie Zowie
Up and down my spine
I don't even care
If you brush your teeth

Dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I dreamed of you in the afternoon

I dream of you each mornin'
I dream of you each night
Just the other day I got so shook up
I had a flash in the afternoon

Wowie Zowie, baby
Love me do
Wowie Zowie
and I'll love you too
Wowie Zowie, baby
I'll be true
I don't even care
If your dad's the heat

(Wowie Zowie . . . )

Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie
Wowie Zowie
Wowie


I won't post the lyrics to the Suzy Creamcheese tune, (mainly because they make even less sense without the music) - but- I always thought that one was pretty funny.

What about all the John Prine tunes? Funny but with a more sobering message often enough. Favorites that come to mind-

Please Don't Bury Me
©John Prine

Woke up this morning
Put on my slippers
Walked in the kitchen and died
And oh what a feeling!
When my soul
Went thru the ceiling
And on up into heaven I did ride
When I got there they did say
John, it happened this way
You slipped upon the floor
And hit your head
And all the angels say
Just before you passed away
These were the very last words
That you said:

Chorus:
Please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have "em" cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
Give my stomach to Milwaukee
If they run out of beer
Put my socks in a cedar box
Just get "em" out of here
Venus de Milo can have my arms
Look out! I've got your nose
Sell my heart to the junkman
And give my love to Rose

Repeat Chorus

Give my feet to the footloose
Careless, fancy free
Give my knees to the needy
Don't pull that stuff on me
Hand me down my walking cane
It's a sin to tell a lie
Send my mouth way down south
And kiss my ass goodbye

Repeat Chorus

and this one which is as appropriate for present times as it was 30 odd years ago- (or maybe even more)

Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore
© John Prine

While digesting Reader's Digest
In the back of a dirty book store,
A plastic flag, with gum on the back,
Fell out on the floor.
Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
Slapped it on my window shield,
And if I could see old Betsy Ross
I'd tell her how good I feel.

Chorus:
But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I went to the bank this morning
And the cashier he said to me,
"If you join the Christmas club
We'll give you ten of them flags for free."
Well, I didn't mess around a bit
I took him up on what he said.
And I stuck them stickers all over my car
And one on my wife's forehead.

Repeat Chorus:

Well, I got my window shield so filled
With flags I couldn't see.
So, I ran the car upside a curb
And right into a tree.
By the time they got a doctor down
I was already dead.
And I'll never understand why the man
Standing in the Pearly Gates said...

"But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
We're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more."

Here's a funny old time tune my Dad, brother and I use to play.



Old Bill Jones



Old Bill Jones was a son of a gun
When he got a drink or two
He'd hug the boys and kiss the girls.
He'd kiss their babies too
He lived on a trail that was easy to foller
Way down yonder in Moonshine Holler

He loved his fiddle and he loved his fun
And he loved his mountain dew
Old Bill Jones was a son of a gun
When he got a drink or two

They had a big meetin on the Cumberland Crag
And the people gathered in
The preacher preached till his tongue couldn't wag
But he couldn't stop their sin'
When old Bill came to give his greetin'
They all got happy and had a big meetin'

Well old Bill run for sheriff
Against the Prohibition men.
He swore he'd drink the country dry
If the folks would put him in.
I t almost tickled the Wets to death
When the Drys got drunk on old Bill's breath.


Old Bill went a-courtin'
And his girl got mad and said

Bill Jones, I would not marry you
If all the rest were dead!
He slipped some whiskey in her coffee cup

And she was Mrs. Jones when she woke up.

[cowtime]

Uh oh, I thought of some more, and these are perhaps more fitting for this site and musical genre-

This one is a good example of a tune that crossed the Atlantic with my ancestors. These lyrics are from the Steeleye Span recording but I grew up hearing this one played as a handed down version in old time style-

Four Nights Drunk

Now as I come home so drunk I couldn't see, oh
There I saw a horse, no horse should be there
I says unto me wife, tell this to me, oh
How come the horse there, no horse should be there
You old fool, you silly fool, can't you plainly see, oh
Nothing but a milk cow me mother sent to me, oh
Miles I have travelled a thousand miles and more, oh
Saddle on a milk cow I've never seen before

And as I come home so drunk I couldn't see, oh
There I saw boots, no boots should be there
I says unto me wife, tell this to me, oh
How come the boots there, no boots should be there
You old fool, you silly fool, can't you plainly see, oh
Nothing but a flower pot me mother sent to me, oh
Miles I have travelled a thousand miles and more, oh
Laces on a flower pot I've never seen before

And as I come home so drunk I couldn't see, oh
There I saw a hat, no hat should be there
I says unto me wife, tell this to me, oh
How come the hat there, no hat should be there
You old fool, you silly fool, can't you plainly see, oh
Nothing but a chamber pot me mother sent to me, oh
Miles I have travelled a thousand miles and more, oh
Sweat-band on a chamber pot I've never seen before

And as I come home so drunk I couldn't see, oh
There I saw a man, no man should be there
I says unto me wife, tell this to me, oh
How come the man there, no man should be there
You old fool, you silly fool, can't you plainly see, oh
Nothing but a baby me mother sent to me, oh
Miles I have travelled a thousand miles and more, oh
Whiskers on a baby I've never seen before


and then this tune-

Marrowbones

There was a woman in our town and in our town did dwell
She loved her husband dearly but another man twice as well
And sing Folder oh etc.

She went down to the doctor to see if she could find
Anything in the whole world to make her old man blind
And sing Folder oh etc.

Oh take him sixteen marrowbones and make him eat them all
And when he's finished he'll be so blind that he won't see you at all
And sing Folder oh etc.

So the doctor he wrote a letter and he sealed it with his hand
And he sent it up to the old man to make him understand
And sing Folder oh etc.

But the old man being a crafty bugger, he knew it all before
He ate them up and he says ``Me dear, I can't see you at all''
And sing Folder oh etc.

Says he, ``I'll go to the river, and there meself I'll drown''
Says she, ``I'll walk along with you to see that you don't fall down''
And sing Folder oh etc.

They walked along together till they come to the river's brim
So gently there she's kissed him and she crept away behind
And sing Folder oh etc.

She ran and she ran behind him to try to push him in
But the old man heard and he jumped aside and she went tumbling in
And sing Folder oh etc.

So loudly she did holler and loud for mercy call
But the old man says, ``I am so blind, I can't see you at all''
And sing Folder oh etc.

She swam and she swam and she swam around till she came to the further brim
But the old man got the barge pole and he pushed her further in
And sing Folder oh etc.

Oh it may take sixteen marrowbones to make your old man blind
But if you want to murder him you must creep up close behind
And sing Folder oh etc.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bet a bunch of ya'll know this one-

New York Girls

As I walked down through Chatham Street
A fair maid I did meet
She asked me to see her home
She lived in Bleeker Street

Chorus:
And away you santy
My dear honey
O you New York girls
Can't you dance the polka?
And when we got to Bleeker Street
We stopped at forty-four
Her mother and her sister there
To meet her at the door

Chorus

And when I got inside the house
The drinks were passed around
The liquor was so awful strong
My head went round and round

Chorus

And the we had another drink
Before we sat to eat
The liquor was so awful strong
I quickly fell asleep

Chorus

When I awoke next morning
I had an aching head
There was I Jack all alone
Stark naked in my bed

Chorus

My gold watch and my pocket book
And lady friend were gone
There was I Jack all alone
Stark naked in my room

Chorus

On looking round this little room
There's nothing I could see
But a woman's shift and apron
That were no use to me

Chorus

With a flour barrel for a suit of clothes
Down Cherry Street forlorn
There Martin Churchill took me in
And sent me round Cape Horn



Theres a funny one on The Battlefield Band's " Leaving Friday Harbor" named

The Straw Man

It's o'a certain fermtoon by Deveron's banks and bonny borders
There lived a wife cried Mistress Greig wha kept the servin' quines in order

Chorus;
Too-ra-loo, too-ra-lo-ra-laddie, too-ra-loo-ra-laddie, too-rye-ay

Each nicht afore she'd gae tae bed the servin' quarters she'd search over
In case some laddie there micht hide and in among them prove a rover

Chorus

Noo these young women they grew tired o' this attention thrust upon them
They got together and conspired tae catch the auld wife and the guidman

Chorus

Now they set out tae get come claes, a suit wis fun' and they procured it
And made a mannie a' stuffed wi' straw and in ablow the bed they moored it

Chorus

That nicht when Mistress Greig cam roon tae guard them a' fae carnal danger
she spied ablow the curtain pan a fit belangin' tae a stranger

Chorus

Come oot o' there ya brainless loon tae think Ah cannae see ye hidin'
Though she wis dancin up an' doon he peyed nae heed intil her biddin

Chorus

She's tae the door an' tellt the quines tae pull him oot and fling him yonder
An' bade the auld man doon the stair tae cudgel him if he got by her

Chorus

They've pullt him oot an' they've flung him doon, the auld man resolute an' ready
Sae weel he's laid the cudgel on, the legs cam fleein' aff the body

Chorus

The auld wife's screamed the hale place doon, the lassie couldnae haud their laughter
The auld man's taken tae his bed, he never rose for twa days efter

Chorus

Noo Mistress Greig an' her guidman Ah trust nae mair the young folk bother
An' keep the cudgel tae thersel' or else they micht be up for murder

Chorus

[Miwokhill]

...or another line from the forementioned Firesign Theatre album; 'I'm going to cut the soles off my shoes, climb a tree and learn to play the flute!' --mike

[aderyn_du]

.....butthole surfers....

Hey! Don't you go mocking The Butthole Surfers... they were one of my favorite groups my junior year of high school. My chemistry teacher introduced me to their music...Mrs. Jensen rocked.

/wanders off singing Dracula From Houston

[Darwin]

I don't know whether it belongs with the funny songs or with the sad ones, but there's the Stanley Brothers' He Fell Asleep and the Hogs Ate Him.

I've always been partial to How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?, too.

[aderyn_du]

I've always been partial to How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?, too.

[Wombat]

Can Blue Men Sing teh Whites — The Bonzo Dog Band

Been done before. Long before The Bonzo Dog Band the original name of Leon Russell's first album was "Can a Blue Man Play the Whites".

I think your chronolgy is scrambled here, David. The Russell album appeared in 1972 I think (result of a google search), the Bonzos song appeared on A Doughnut in Granny's Green House which appeared in 1968. By that stage Russell had his own studio (just) but I don't think he'd produced any solo albums.

[Feadan]

Can Blue Men Sing teh Whites — The Bonzo Dog Band

Been done before. Long before The Bonzo Dog Band the original name of Leon Russell's first album was "Can a Blue Man Play the Whites".

I think your chronolgy is scrambled here, David. The Russell album appeared in 1972 I think (result of a google search), the Bonzos song appeared on A Doughnut in Granny's Green House which appeared in 1968. By that stage Russell had his own studio (just) but I don't think he'd produced any solo albums.

Okay...I sit corrected then

Cheers,
David