Self criticism and the art of accepting compliments

[aderyn_du]

This is probally a dumb post,
But could it be that they are fishing for a compliment?

I mean if you set someones sights low, they can only be pleasently suprised.

Not a dumb post...

I think in some cases it could be "fishing". But I think in a lot of cases it truly comes from a sense of unworthiness. Shadow issues at play-- from childhood stuff, etc.

[Flyingcursor]

Is there difference between a compliment and a statement of fact or an observation.

If I say, "That was the best rendition of Whippin the Whistler I've ever heard." I'm making an observation, not necessarily a compliment.

[GaryKelly]

Well, when I say something like "That's an interesting post, Flydood" I'm paying you a compliment. Do I get so much as a thank you? No. Typical. Pffft. I'm going back to the flute board...

[Flyingcursor]

Well, when I say something like "That's an interesting post, Flydood" I'm paying you a compliment. Do I get so much as a thank you? No. Typical. Pffft. I'm going back to the flute board...

WOW! Thanks Gary. That's the kindest thing I've ever heard.

[aderyn_du]

Is there difference between a compliment and a statement of fact or an observation.

If I say, "That was the best rendition of Whippin the Whistler I've ever heard." I'm making an observation, not necessarily a compliment.

That's interesting Fly... even though you are correct in that it is an observation on your part, I think the person who was playing would still perceive it as a compliment. At least I would, and would promptly reject it as "Are you crazy?".

[Flyingcursor]

Is there difference between a compliment and a statement of fact or an observation.

If I say, "That was the best rendition of Whippin the Whistler I've ever heard." I'm making an observation, not necessarily a compliment.

That's interesting Fly... even though you are correct in that it is an observation on your part, I think the person who was playing would still perceive it as a compliment. At least I would, and would promptly reject it as "Are you crazy?".

That may be why I'm taken aback by peoples reactions. I tend to view some things in a clinical way. For example I saw a concert a couple months ago and the guitar player had an amazing mastery of chords. I was impressed and told him I really liked his chord changes. He got red faced and embarrassed. I couldn't figure out why because I had just stated what, to me, was obvious.

[dubhlinn]

I was once in the company of a well known Fiddle player who said about my whistle playing " Thats pretty good playing...for a Dublin man."

Still trying to work it out!

Slan,
D.

[jfother]

I am notoriously bad at accepting compliments. In fact I carry a list of 5 things I need to bear in mind to make me a happier person and the first is

Accept praise - they are not all taking the p***

It is sometimes easier to accept some praise rather than others. For example if the musicians I sing with praise my singing I know they mean it because they do not joke about that sort of thing but the same musicians can praise some other aspect of what I'm doing and I think they are either not serious or have a different motive.

I am getting better and if someone wants to praise by wit and clear comments I will accept graciously. If you praise my spelling I will know you are taking the p***

J

[Wombat]

I try to take compliments and criticism at face value, if I think they are meant sincerely. If I think a sincere criticism is misguided, I try to say why in a way that isn't condescending or offensive. So if I think a sincere compliment is unwarranted, I try to say why without giving the impression that I don't appreciate the kindness. Obviously, this sort of literal-mindedness is sometimes just mistaken about the speaker's intentions.

I try to laugh off rudeness—hurtful criticism—and sarcastic compliments. I'll still bite back but try not to escalate. I'll always try to give someone who might only be ribbing me a dignified way of making that plain.

Insincere compliments aren't a problem really. Thank the person who offers them (insincerely) and make it plain their compliment is now on the official record. If they don't withdraw it immediately, revealing their hand, remind them of the compliment should they ever get nasty in future.

OK, that's what I try to do. If I'm depressed or in a bad or vulnerable mood I might well not succeed.

[izzarina]

This is probally a dumb post,
But could it be that they are fishing for a compliment?

I mean if you set someones sights low, they can only be pleasently suprised.

Not a dumb post...

I think in some cases it could be "fishing". But I think in a lot of cases it truly comes from a sense of unworthiness. Shadow issues at play-- from childhood stuff, etc.

I also think that you can tell if a person is "fishing" by their body language and facial expressions. I for one have a very hard time taking compliments as well because of a sense of insecurity (yet another similarity ad..... I'm beginning to hear Twilight Zone music.... ), and I tend to think that most people have a hard time with compliments for that reason. Although, since it's always nice to hear something nice about yourself, maybe even a person that is more insecure (like myself) subconsciously DOES "fish" for a complement. But in reality, in my case, I can honestly say it's more that I just don't know WHAT to say....I feel I should say more than just "Thank you" for some reason, and that leads me to put myself down rather than just graciously saying the simplest response. Sorry if I'm not making sense.....I'm thinking as I type here (and no one had better make any wise cracks about that either, or else I'll have to "fish" for a compliment later one to build myself back up )

[Wombat]

If a friend said "I like your clothes, dood!" I'd probably call him a git for taking the p*ss out of me.

You gotta love a guy who doesn't let success go to his clothes.




That was a compliment.

[Cathy Wilde]

The most beautiful people are those who don't recognize their own beauty.

Your quote says it all ... we're all beautiful (if a wee bit insecure about it)!

[Nanohedron]

Interesting discussion. It's taken me a very long time to be able to accept compliments, and I think that self-deprecation is used by my ilk because of not wanting to appear self-serving or vain -just in case there's any mistake.

Now when I get a compliment, a sincere thanks and an appreciative smile is enough, as sincerity shows that it means something to me, and the smile is meant as a return gift. I still get abashed, though, and if I really feel the need to say "Oh, it's not all that good," I can always simply rub the back of my neck and look abashed instead. My goofy grin helps.

What got me to start accepting compliments with good grace was when a friend wanted me to record a tune so he could learn it. I did the "humble me" thing and suggested that he could do far better listening to So-and-So's recorded setting of it, whereupon he suggested in turn that I was insulting his taste. That hit home.

On the other hand, I should have told him his taste needed insulting. Some days I'm just so thick.

[TelegramSam]

I'll admit that I'm guilty of doing this a <i>lot</i>. I think it's because I was picked at constantly by other kids, so I learned to say it all myself first to cut them off. I've had one of my friends tell me that I often seem like I'm mocking myself even though I never really noticed it until she said something about it. It's just a bad habit and one that's really really hard to break, I haven't been able to do it. I am the worst person in the world at taking compliments and I hate it when people praise me because I just get embarassed by it for some reason. Go figure.

[aderyn_du]

I for one have a very hard time taking compliments as well because of a sense of insecurity (yet another similarity ad..... I'm beginning to hear Twilight Zone music.... )

We might as well just let them all know, izz... it's getting too hard to keep it a secret.

Yes, folks, izz and I share a brain. It's true. We alternate days on who gets the best half.