I work with a specific document management computer system. I often have to handle support calls from end users. I am appalled how poor people's communication skills are.
Here's the scenario. The helpdesk sends me a case that reads, "User can't connect to the Document Management (DM) system in IE."
OK. What the heck is that about? The helpdesk has documentation telling them what to ask but they don't. OK. Their busy so I don't mind so much.
I contact the user usually by email as I have other things to do besides talk on phone and like to keep a trail for future reference.
Mind you, these users are often PhD's in some sort of science discipline.
ME: "Which DM system are you trying to connect to? We have thirteen of them."
User: "Internet Explorer"
Me: "IE is an interface. Which system do you log into?"
User: "I think it's ABC."
Me: "You don't have an account in ABC"
User: "Oh. It's the one with the documents about Chemical B"
Me: "Perhaps you can ask a colleague who can tell you which system."
(What I'd like to say at this point is, "How the $&@$#" am I supposed to know which one that is with nearly a million documents in all systems combined?")
User: "I asked Anne, she said system XYZ".
Me: "OK great, you do have an account. What type of problem are you having?"
User: "I can't get in."
Me (hair starting to fall out): "Are you getting an error of some kind when you try to log in?"
User: "No, it just says I can't view the document."
Me: "Wait. If you are able to see the icon for the document then you are "in" the system. Are you able to log into system XYZ sucessfully?"
User: "Yes I just don't have permission on a document."
Me: "What is the name of the document so I can check the permissions?"
User: "Chemical B analysis."
(I find fifteen documents with Chemical B Analysis in the name but fortunately they all have the same permission set. )
Me: "You currently have delete permission on all of these documents so there must be something other reason why you can't edit the document."
User: "OK. I'll call the helpdesk."
Me: "The helpdesk cannot assist you that's what I'm trying to do. Are you getting any errors when you try to edit the document?"
User: "No. I haven't tried to edit it yet. Anne told me I needed permission and to call the help desk.
Me (All hair is gone, teeth falling out, bladder leaking): "Would you please try to edit the document to see if you are able?"
User: "Yes. Finally. I don't know what was so difficult about this, you could have told me to try it right off and avoided this whole thing."
At this point here's what I'd like to say:
ME: "MAYBE IF YOU HAD TRIED TO EDIT THE DOCUMENT BEFORE CRYING TO THE HELPDESK AND MAYBE IF YOU COULD COMMUNICATE AND ACTUALLY TELL ME YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT OFF THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WASTE BOTH OUR TIME PLAYING TWENTY QUESTIONS!"
This is just an example of a state of affairs I've noticed everywhere. Newspapers with terrible spelling and grammer. Technical journals full of typos and educated people who cannot communicate even the simplest concrete thing.
That's my rant. Thank you.
Communication blues
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Flyingcursor
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Communication blues
I'm no longer trying a new posting paradigm
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missy
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flyingcursor - I feel your pain. There are several PhDs that I absolutely REFUSE to let into the lab (I'm safety coordinator, as well as lab grunt). One set a hood on fire. Another is notorious for leaving unlabelled beakers with "stuff" in them. Another (the section head, no less) left a valve open on the helium system and drained 3 tanks!
I can't imagine (actually, yes, I can) what you must go through!
Missy
I can't imagine (actually, yes, I can) what you must go through!
Missy
Flyingcursor did you send that customer of yours above my email address, because I had the same person on the line on Monday night at the library. It seems that I have becme the defacto "computer expert" on the evening shift for our library system for staff and customers.
Customer calling from home.
Me; Hi, how can I help you?
Customer: I can't get my computer to work
Me: Have you turned it on?
Cus: Yes, I think so but nothing is happening
Me: What are you seeing on the monitor?
Cus: What's a monitor? I don't think I have that one!
Me: It's the television like thing attached to the keyboard.
Cus: Oh! It's black!
Me: Look for an ON buttom, on the monitor
Cus: Is it on the front or the back?
Me: I don't know what type you have, just look for a button, either below the screen or on top or on the side.
Cus: I think I found it, should I press it?
Me: Yes go ahead and press it.
Cus: Nothing happened!
Me: Are there any lights on, on you keyboard or CPU (oops! I said a bad word)
Cus: What's that thing that you just said?
Me: CPU?? It's the big box thing under your monitor that you attach the keyboard to. Do you see it?
Cus: Yes I see it, what now?
Me: Push the on button, On the CPU.
Cus: Okay! No lights are coming on!!!
Me: Okay! Check to see if the computer is plugged in
Cus: Just a minute, I have to get a flashlight
Me waiting till customer finds flashlight
Customer returns.
Cus: I can't get a flashlight right now, because my husband is using it in the basement, he says he is looking for an electrical problem and the electricity is turned off.
Me: Are you using a laptop computer or home computer?
Cus: It sits on the desk not in my lap!
Me: Mam! Your husband has the power turned off, you can't use your computer until the power comes back on!
Cus: But my daughter is using hers!
Me: What kind of computer does your daughter have, that is different from yours?
Cus: Hers? Well it's a little one that folds up and she can carry it with her.
Me: That's a laptop computer Mam, it runs on a battery. Your computer doesn't have a battery so you can't turn it on.
Cus: Should I wait till my husband turns the power back on?
Me: Yes!
Cus: Why do you people at the library always make things so difficult?
Me: Mam, I didn't turn your power off, your husband did!
SLAM!
Or how about what we get everyday at the reference desk. Do you have a book?
People just can't seem to ask a good question these days or phrase it so that it can be answered.
MarkB
Customer calling from home.
Me; Hi, how can I help you?
Customer: I can't get my computer to work
Me: Have you turned it on?
Cus: Yes, I think so but nothing is happening
Me: What are you seeing on the monitor?
Cus: What's a monitor? I don't think I have that one!
Me: It's the television like thing attached to the keyboard.
Cus: Oh! It's black!
Me: Look for an ON buttom, on the monitor
Cus: Is it on the front or the back?
Me: I don't know what type you have, just look for a button, either below the screen or on top or on the side.
Cus: I think I found it, should I press it?
Me: Yes go ahead and press it.
Cus: Nothing happened!
Me: Are there any lights on, on you keyboard or CPU (oops! I said a bad word)
Cus: What's that thing that you just said?
Me: CPU?? It's the big box thing under your monitor that you attach the keyboard to. Do you see it?
Cus: Yes I see it, what now?
Me: Push the on button, On the CPU.
Cus: Okay! No lights are coming on!!!
Me: Okay! Check to see if the computer is plugged in
Cus: Just a minute, I have to get a flashlight
Me waiting till customer finds flashlight
Customer returns.
Cus: I can't get a flashlight right now, because my husband is using it in the basement, he says he is looking for an electrical problem and the electricity is turned off.
Me: Are you using a laptop computer or home computer?
Cus: It sits on the desk not in my lap!
Me: Mam! Your husband has the power turned off, you can't use your computer until the power comes back on!
Cus: But my daughter is using hers!
Me: What kind of computer does your daughter have, that is different from yours?
Cus: Hers? Well it's a little one that folds up and she can carry it with her.
Me: That's a laptop computer Mam, it runs on a battery. Your computer doesn't have a battery so you can't turn it on.
Cus: Should I wait till my husband turns the power back on?
Me: Yes!
Cus: Why do you people at the library always make things so difficult?
Me: Mam, I didn't turn your power off, your husband did!
SLAM!
Or how about what we get everyday at the reference desk. Do you have a book?
People just can't seem to ask a good question these days or phrase it so that it can be answered.
MarkB
Everybody has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
For anyone that has experienced the joy of working "Help Desk:
http://www.theregister.com/odds/bofh/
http://www.theregister.com/odds/bofh/
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BrassBlower
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I have a Bee Gees song playing in my head now!missy wrote: Another (the section head, no less) left a valve open on the helium system and drained 3 tanks!
https://www.facebook.com/4StringFantasy
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
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Charlene
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Try working in directory assistance at the phone company.
"I want to find my old Army buddy, we called him Bud, I don't know where he lives now."
"Am I registered to vote?" (This was a little old man who used to call in at least 3 times a week to check.)
"What time is it?"
Why don't people have a pen or pencil and paper to write on when they call for a number??? I had one customer who told me to slow down, as he was in a phone booth, no pencil or paper, so he was lighting matches, blowing them out, and using the carbon to write the number on the wall of the phone booth! And don't get me started on people who call with the TV up loud enough to blast the walls down, kids yelling, etc!
I don't work there anymore.
"I want to find my old Army buddy, we called him Bud, I don't know where he lives now."
"Am I registered to vote?" (This was a little old man who used to call in at least 3 times a week to check.)
"What time is it?"
Why don't people have a pen or pencil and paper to write on when they call for a number??? I had one customer who told me to slow down, as he was in a phone booth, no pencil or paper, so he was lighting matches, blowing them out, and using the carbon to write the number on the wall of the phone booth! And don't get me started on people who call with the TV up loud enough to blast the walls down, kids yelling, etc!
I don't work there anymore.
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Nanohedron
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Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
Last Sunday's Dilbert seems relevant:
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbe ... 41205.html
Also, my sig:
http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbe ... 41205.html
Also, my sig:
Giles: "We few, we happy few."
Spike: "We band of buggered."
Spike: "We band of buggered."
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Darwin
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I've had a few wingdings over the past 15 years, but some of the best stories come from customers who happened to be computer salesmen or consultants.
1. A consultant had a customer who wanted to return his printer, because it would only print when the computer was turned on.
2. One computer salesman had a customer call to complain that the cup holder on his new computer had broken off:
S: "Cup holder? What cup holder?"
C: "The one just below the floppy drive."
S: "Your computer has a cup holder?"
C: "Yes, it says '2X' on the edge."
S: "Phhhttt..."
3. Another salesman had the classic customer who hadn't plugged the computer in.
My most irritating moments had to do with customers who needed to be talked through a detailed procedure, such as hand-installing fonts in the Init.sys file under Windows 1, back in the days before there were any font installers, but who, as I was telling them what to do, would just go ahead and try some random action on their own--without telling me about it. It's probably a good thing that we can't strangle people over the phone.
The funniest was a guy on Windows, trying to install some PostScript fonts. He did everything very slowly, and I had to keep repeating instructions. He had to start over from the beginning several times. He also seemed to be getting very angry. Finally, he started yelling and screaming, cussing me and my company. After I got him calmed down, he admitted that his mouse was broken, so he was trying to use some magic Windows key strokes to move the mouse pointer around the screen and simulate mouse clicks. It wasn't working very well, so he finally just lost it. I suggested that he buy a new mouse and call me back. I was surprisingly polite.
1. A consultant had a customer who wanted to return his printer, because it would only print when the computer was turned on.
2. One computer salesman had a customer call to complain that the cup holder on his new computer had broken off:
S: "Cup holder? What cup holder?"
C: "The one just below the floppy drive."
S: "Your computer has a cup holder?"
C: "Yes, it says '2X' on the edge."
S: "Phhhttt..."
3. Another salesman had the classic customer who hadn't plugged the computer in.
My most irritating moments had to do with customers who needed to be talked through a detailed procedure, such as hand-installing fonts in the Init.sys file under Windows 1, back in the days before there were any font installers, but who, as I was telling them what to do, would just go ahead and try some random action on their own--without telling me about it. It's probably a good thing that we can't strangle people over the phone.
The funniest was a guy on Windows, trying to install some PostScript fonts. He did everything very slowly, and I had to keep repeating instructions. He had to start over from the beginning several times. He also seemed to be getting very angry. Finally, he started yelling and screaming, cussing me and my company. After I got him calmed down, he admitted that his mouse was broken, so he was trying to use some magic Windows key strokes to move the mouse pointer around the screen and simulate mouse clicks. It wasn't working very well, so he finally just lost it. I suggested that he buy a new mouse and call me back. I was surprisingly polite.
Mike Wright
"When an idea is wanting, a word can always be found to take its place."
--Goethe
"When an idea is wanting, a word can always be found to take its place."
--Goethe
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happyturkeyman
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I wonder exactly what this person was going to do once they got the computer turned on. Maybe they just needed enough light to read the phone book to call Circuit City and ask why their TV wasn't working.MarkB wrote:Cus: I can't get a flashlight right now, because my husband is using it in the basement, he says he is looking for an electrical problem and the electricity is turned off.
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine.
We can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine.
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Flyingcursor
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After a very unscientific survey of past cases I have come up with a ranking of which people in which geographical locations are more likely to be precise in their description of their problem.
From best to worst. Remember I support a very specific system and the majority of users are adminstrative assistant, biologists and chemists. Generally considered a few rungs above the masses in intelligence.
1. Japan, Hong Kong
2. Singapore
3. NE US, Sweden
4. Midwest US and SE Canada, Italy
5. Mexico, south east US
6. UK
7. France.
From best to worst. Remember I support a very specific system and the majority of users are adminstrative assistant, biologists and chemists. Generally considered a few rungs above the masses in intelligence.
1. Japan, Hong Kong
2. Singapore
3. NE US, Sweden
4. Midwest US and SE Canada, Italy
5. Mexico, south east US
6. UK
7. France.
I'm no longer trying a new posting paradigm
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Martin Milner
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