How do you find the time?

CatherineQ · Post by **CatherineQ** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 9:48 pm

I have a 9month old son (who is amazing) but I just can't seem to get back into my music. Before he was born I swore that I wouldn't be one of those mum's that would loose their identity for the sake of thier children. Now I find myself literally dusting of my whistles and flutes every now and then. Any mum's out there that have the same challenge, but still manage to play? I'd love some insight

rh · Post by rh » Fri Oct 29, 2004 10:27 pm

well, not a mum here, but a stay-at-home dad. my son is about to turn two but i've had him full-time for a year since my wife went back to work. i started playing whistle & flute again after a number of years away from it just to have something to keep my own identity intact.

i had been playing mandolin a lot but it's hard to keep a $2k mandolin sitting out with a toddler around. if he trashes a Gen d, i'm not so concerned

one thing i'll say is thank G_d for blu-tack/sticky tack/poster putty, which makes a very effective whistle mute -- when he's asleep i can practice, and i've got a bunch of blu-tacked whistles lying about so when i'm waiting for the water to boil for oatmeal or letting the dishes soak i can blow through a tune or two.

9 months may be still a bit young to get a few minutes to yourself but hang in there!

Redwolf · Post by **Redwolf** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 11:22 pm

Nine months is still pretty young. They're only that little once, and sometimes it's not such a bad thing to put other things aside for a while and just enjoy their childhood. You will find more time, as he gets older...in fact, in less than a year, he'll probably get a kick out of listening to you play!

Redwolf

blackhawk · Post by **blackhawk** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 2:13 am

Not a mum here, but was a single dad for many years...putting kids before music is always the right thing to do.

claudine · Post by **claudine** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 2:18 am

I agree with Redwolf. The first year is the most difficult. You will get back to your musical activities when he's a bit older. Don't worry

burnsbyrne · Post by **burnsbyrne** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 6:45 am

Some advice from an old geezer: one of the most important ideas I have tried to impress on my sons (now adults) is the necessity of examining your life and ranking your priorities from time to time throughout your life. When our boys were young it seemed like I was never going to get back to playing music like I did before they were born, but after careful thought I realized that they would be children for only a few years and they needed an attentive father and mother while I would have a few decades after they were grown to get back to the music. With 20-20 hindsight I can say that is exactly how it worked out.

So, hang in there, love that baby, sneak a toot when you can and know that it won't last forever.

Mike

aderyn_du · Post by **aderyn_du** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 7:20 am

Hang in there, Catherine... the first couple years are tough when it comes to finding time to do your own thing, but it does get better. The loss of identity (or, rather, the shifting of identity) is a hard phase to go through, but you will find your groove with it all. I guarantee that very soon you will be able to find your music within again!

Just enjoy this time with your little one as much as you can-- the years really do fly by.

Best,
Ad

lesl · Post by **lesl** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 7:28 am

This is what I did: Though I wasn't using a whistle, as soon as I myself
could stay awake during the baby's daytime sleeps, I grabbed my guit
and started playing and singing. The singing I'd say was as loud as a
quiet whistle. I figured best to get the baby used to music during sleep,
so they wouldn't wake up. It worked. I'd start quiet and get louder.
(playing in a different room) You can use a mute on the whistle. Good
luck!

Lesl

JohnPalmer · Post by **JohnPalmer** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 9:50 am

I have always played, no matter if the kids were asleep or not. I recorded for Clips and Snips many times after the kids were in bed. They can sleep through anything. Now we can go into their rooms and put laundry away, if we need to, and not distrub them.

I also get up and practice for 20 minutes before work, each day.

JP

Darwin · Post by **Darwin** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 2:13 pm

An important point no one's mentioned is that the early days are when you start getting the child emotionally prepared for having you live with him again some day far in the future.

(My wife and I live with our older son and his family, while our younger son has his mother-in-law and brother-in-law [with Downs syndrome] living with him and his family.)

pixyy · Post by **pixyy** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 2:16 pm

Another dad replying

Our daughter is 1½ now. We have always played music around her.
My wife played guitar quite a lot whilst pregnant, and we're convinced Celeste recognised the sound after she was born.

As others have mentioned, the first year is quite overwhelming and can push aside quite a lot of one's previous activities (an understatement if ever there was one

)

I've always played the flute and whistle after the little one was in bed. Never woke her up. Recently I started to practice a bit more often again. It requires some discipline - sometimes I'm simply exhausted, but I know playing gives me energy and lifts me up.
That's an important thing!
Of course the child's needs come first, however a happy parent can give more and children love to see their parents happy.
Now the little girl loves to be included - so I get a 15 minutes play in the afternoon. She gets a Dixon Low D and toots sustained C#'s

We play together and she loves it.
After a couple of minutes she moves on to something else, but doesn't mind I play. It' ssomething we do together....

hang in there
Jeroen

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 2:24 pm

CatherineQ wrote:I have a 9month old son (who is amazing) but I just can't seem to get back into my music. Before he was born I swore that I wouldn't be one of those mum's that would loose their identity for the sake of thier children. Now I find myself literally dusting of my whistles and flutes every now and then. Any mum's out there that have the same challenge, but still manage to play? I'd love some insight

I took about 2 years off after my son was born. I didn't intend to, but that's just the way things worked out. Even now, I can only play at home when he's in bed or really distracted, as he really wants to take the whistle and play it hiimself (he just turned 4).

Just the way things work...for me it's a trade off between time I want to spend on myself and time I want to spend with my kid..you can't devote 100% to either one, but you choose where you draw the lines.

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 4:10 pm

my littlest is now 5 months, and I agree it is hard to get back into real practice time with a little one. So I improvise...I play when I have a lull in cooking, or when I'm in between laundry loads, or when at stop lights (this one seems to be a popular one

). So although I'm not getting as much time as I would like, at least I'm getting SOME time in.

TonyHiggins · Post by **TonyHiggins** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 6:31 pm

My kids are teenagers now. I didn't play music much at all while they were little. We were living with my in-laws in a small house, so that probably had something to do with it. I'm glad I focused on the kids. I played with legos a lot. That time is pretty short and it's over before you know it.

Make spending time with the kids your fun and don't look at it as interfering with other things.
Tony

dapple · Post by **dapple** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 6:37 pm

You didn’t ask for my opinion, so I hope you don’t mind me adding my thoughts to your discussion.

Putting effort into my music and specifically playing whistles brings great pleasure and happiness to my life right now, but I doubt that they bring as much pleasure and happiness as I would gain by watching a child grow by my efforts. I can think of no more worthwhile pursuit than devoting time toward raising a child. Anyone can breed, but I truly admire parents who do a good job of raising their children. And that requires time that would otherwise by used doing something else. Please don’t get stressed out about not having the time to play music right now; parenthood has enough stresses all by itself. The music will wait. I decided many years ago not to have children and occasionally regret that decision.

Chiff and Fipple Forums

How do you find the time?

How do you find the time?

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