The toilet paper poll!

jbarter · Post by **jbarter** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 5:15 am

My toilet roll holder incorporates a radio. You can have the roll any way you want but don't you dare tune the radio away from Radio 4.

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 5:34 am

What about the spare roll, for when the current one runs out?

Standing ready, proud to be a toilet roll ready for use, or hidden under a <insert your chosen Bathroom colour here> knitted cover, embarrassed that such things as toilets exist in our sterilised world?

I'm just sorry the earth closet never caught on.

tuaz · Post by **tuaz** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 5:50 am

RonKiley wrote:You forgot one category. I don't care as long as there is some.

Ron

Agreed. I didn't participate in the poll, BTW.

John S · Post by **John S** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 7:12 am

I Think the Idea that the back position is better on the grouds that it facilitates consistant sheet removal is incorect.
The main force involved is caused by puling against the angular inertia of the role, not the negligable amount of friction from the role rubbing on the wall. If this were the main source the speed of pulling would not mater and a tug would not be necissery.
These are farly minor considerations verses the type of paper, which can be very problematic.
The worst toilet paper in the cosmos is made by a company called Izal.
http://www.whom.co.uk/chairs/izal.htm
As can be seen above it seems to have much to recomend it, but don't be taken in, the problem is that sh*t doesent stick to it.
I consider this a deffinate no no in toilet paper as it mearly leads to smearing the adearing excrement around your arse.
All toilet paper should be subjected to inclined plain testing and tha angle at which turd/paper slippage occurs printed on the packet.
My computer simulations (based on the Brittish standerd turd) have shown that Izal scores a derisory 20 degrees as comperd with a controle 100 Emery paper which showed no slipage up to 85 degrees, although ther was some gravity driven turdal distortion.

John S

SirNick · Post by **SirNick** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 7:46 am

How about, what kind of whistle do you most enjoy playing in the bathroom when you're not obsessing over the toilet paper. I prefer a Water Weasel, it seems to go with the decor. It's also safe if I drop it in by accident!

amar · Post by **amar** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 8:15 am

John S wrote:I Think the Idea that the back position is better on the grouds that it facilitates consistant sheet removal is incorect.
The main force involved is caused by puling against the angular inertia of the role, not the negligable amount of friction from the role rubbing on the wall. If this were the main source the speed of pulling would not mater and a tug would not be necissery.
These are farly minor considerations verses the type of paper, which can be very problematic.
The worst toilet paper in the cosmos is made by a company called Izal.
http://www.whom.co.uk/chairs/izal.htm
As can be seen above it seems to have much to recomend it, but don't be taken in, the problem is that sh*t doesent stick to it.
I consider this a deffinate no no in toilet paper as it mearly leads to smearing the adearing excrement around your arse.
All toilet paper should be subjected to inclined plain testing and tha angle at which turd/paper slippage occurs printed on the packet.
My computer simulations (based on the Brittish standerd turd) have shown that Izal scores a derisory 20 degrees as comperd with a controle 100 Emery paper which showed no slipage up to 85 degrees, although ther was some gravity driven turdal distortion.

John S

oh man!!! that was so hilarious...i'm still laughing...

IDAwHOa · Post by **IDAwHOa** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 8:33 am

I just realized that we have all ignored the PERFECT solution to all of this direction, quality and effectivity discussion:

The Almighty Corn Cob!

Or for the REALLY adventuresome

The Pine Cone

GaryKelly · Post by **GaryKelly** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 9:12 am

John S wrote: The worst toilet paper in the cosmos is made by a company called Izal.
http://www.whom.co.uk/chairs/izal.htm
John S

And yet, for the making of the Traditional Comb-and-Paper ad-hoc kazoo, it is unsurpassed, although the "Government Issue" brand we had at school came in a close second (and was also valuable as tracing-paper).

Roger O'Keeffe · Post by **Roger O'Keeffe** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 10:16 am

amar wrote:this sure is a funny poll.
that flap has to be on my side, if i find a roll the other way around, i change it.

i guess gary larson won't comply.

Me too. I don't actually see it in terms of "my side" but rather as an example of what I once described to a French colleague as "la petite ésthétique du quotitien". But then I am a bit anal.

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 11:22 am

John wrote

The worst toilet paper in the cosmos is made by a company called Izal.

It must be the same stuff they gave us in Norway in the 1960's on a NATO exercise, we used it as airmail paper and wrote letters home on it...ah unused paper that is

MarkB

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 11:38 am

To date, the roughest stuff to have graced my bum is a US product called 'Soft and Gentle'...which is neither. I have toyed with the idea of using it to sand slips of reed cane, or perhaps, even using it to remove the rust from iron lawn furniture prior to painting...although, the material discussed by John S. sounds to be in a league of its own.

amar · Post by **amar** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 3:48 pm

ok, here's a true story, my brother and some buddies were on some kind of a treck in the dessert, the only means of cleaning themselves was by water, in a bottle. Well, they had water-bottles, and the had clear hard liquor-bottles.....oh yeah, you got it.........raja, my brother, picked the wrong bottle after "it"...and, well....he told me his ass was red-raw after that ordeal, hahahaa...silly basmati.

dubhlinn · Post by **dubhlinn** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 3:52 pm

What a waste of good booze!!

Slan,
D.

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 3:54 pm

But(t) Clean

MarkB

Caj · Post by **Caj** » Mon Sep 13, 2004 8:51 pm

Am I the only person who read the subject as "The Toilet Paper Reel?"

Caj

Chiff and Fipple Forums

The toilet paper poll!

The dangling flap on the roll of toilet paper is