20 ways to avoid ennui

stiofan · Post by **stiofan** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:00 pm

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Sing along at the opera.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation when you speak

9. As often as possible, skip with a limp rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are, then laugh hysterically after they
answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

12. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical
sounds all day.

15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock
Hard.

17. In the elevator, open your briefcase just a smidgen, and say
"have you got enough air in there"?

18. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we're
going to have to let one of you go."

20. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:14 pm

ROTHFLMAO

Oh what a wicked little mind you have stiofan but can I use these at work?

MarkB

Henke · Post by **Henke** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:19 pm

Thanks man. That made my evening.

DCrom · Post by **DCrom** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 4:22 pm

My wife and I actually tried #19 a few days ago. Neither of our kids looked particularly worried.

Daughter #1 immediately told us that we should keep her, since we had already invested much more money in her than her younger sister.

Daughter #2 just pointed at Daughter #1.

Rosee · Post by **Rosee** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 5:52 pm

My dad used to periodically threaten to sell my sister or me to the gypsies. Now we're too old, though.

DCrom · Post by **DCrom** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 6:11 pm

Rosee wrote:My dad used to periodically threaten to sell my sister or me to the gypsies. Now we're too old, though.

We've used that one, too. When asked why we hadn't already done so, we told them there was never a gypsy along when you needed one.

The kids don't seem too worried.

lixnaw · Post by **lixnaw** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 4:07 pm

my mother used to threaten me to sell me to the buffers (settled people)

Chuck_Clark · Post by **Chuck_Clark** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 4:23 pm

Rosee wrote:My dad used to periodically threaten to sell my sister or me to the gypsies. Now we're too old, though.

I didn't realize that the Gypsies had an age limit.

DCrom · Post by **DCrom** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 4:25 pm

On a somewhat-related note:

When I was small and didn't want to finish my food, my grandmother would tell me to think of all the starving children in China that would *love* to have this good food.

My wife (Chinese) tells me that her mother used the same line - except it was starving children in India.

An Indian friend reports that *his* mother shamed him with starving children in Africa.

TonyHiggins · Post by **TonyHiggins** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 4:26 pm

I had a list once of '"100 Ways to Annoy People." I think most of this stuff was on it. Some were hilarious. I brought it to work (I was the supervisor) and we had some good laughs. One thing on the list was something like insisting on being called El Conquistador or something. My coworkers made me a cape to wear at work with that on it. I had to humor them and wear it. We were collecting blood at a blood drive at a Silicon Valley company. If my bosses found out, they'd flip. They were so anal.
Tony

Post by **Nanohedron** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 4:29 pm

Always refer to yourself by name and in the third person when talking to others.

BrassBlower · Post by **BrassBlower** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:12 pm

While eating in a public place, make a point of sniffing every bite before putting it in your mouth.

chas · Post by **chas** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 5:35 am

DCrom wrote:On a somewhat-related note:

When I was small and didn't want to finish my food, my grandmother would tell me to think of all the starving children in China that would *love* to have this good food.

My wife (Chinese) tells me that her mother used the same line - except it was starving children in India.

An Indian friend reports that *his* mother shamed him with starving children in Africa.

My father and his sisters didn't like the crusts of their bread when they were growing up. If their grandmother caught them throwing their crusts on the floor, she used to make them recite:

I will not throw upon the floor the crust I will not eat
For some poor Indian or African child it would be quite a treat

Walden · Post by **Walden** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 6:20 am

I avoided this thread for a little while, and then curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what an ennui was, so I wound up looking in the dictionary. Turns out it's not some new-fangled kind of Eskimo from Canada, so I guess the thread is P.C. after all.

Thanks for the vocabularial lesson. I just get educateder and educateder running around with you fine people.

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:07 am

Walden wrote:

Turns out it's not some new-fangled kind of Eskimo from Canada, so I guess the thread is P.C. after all.

Not! They call themeselves the "Inuit" in Canada. Eskimo is an American term.

MarkB