I have just lost my will to play...HELP

[brewerpaul]

Not to go against the excellent advice you have received here, but sometimes you simply need a break from playing, or any other such activity. Get into something totally different for a while, and then see if your interest doesn't return on it's own. You may find that after a break you actually play better. I've done this many times over the years with various instruments, and am always refreshed after some time away.

[anniemcu]

BrewerPaul, that is very true. Life happens, and even though it's hard to see at the time, it usually brings us somewhere positive. I've had the same experience, several times in my musical life - a long absence can help you forget the bad habits and actually come back stronger when the times rolls around to pick it up again.

Unfortunately, right now, life's brought me a head cold, so getting the whistles out would not be a positive move... sigh

[bigjake842]

Hi All

I have not picked up a whistle in 8 months. I don't know what happened. I just lost my will to play. It seemed like I was just stuck in one spot and not making any progress, the workshop I attended in Gettysburg in the summer was a discouragment, I am never going to play in a session and I have come to realize that the possibility of anyone in my family asking me to pull out the old whistle and give them a few tunes is never going to happen in my lifetime. I just got tired of sitting all alone and playing for myself. I started to feel really bad about myself and figure I am an untalented jerk who cant do anything. I sold alot of wonderful whistles which I regret due to this slump and I feel bad about that, altho I know they got great homes.

But it torments me. All the whistles just sit there and I feel so bad all the time. Iv'e tried picking them up on occasion but just put them down again. I had so much passion to start. Can anyone help me or give me some advice? Has this happened to anyone else?? Thanks

First off, I suspect that your mood probably has little to do with whistle-playing. I noted a lot of 'absolutes' in your comments: "not making ANY progress"; "NEVER going to play in a session"; "NEVER going to happen in my lifetime"; "UNTALENTED JERK who can't do ANYTHING"; "feel so bad ALL the time". These broadly stated assertions give me the sense that you are very unhappy about much more than your lack of whistle-playing. I simply do not believe for one second that any of these are true.

Here's some thoughts: first, seek the counsel of people who know you. Tell them how you feel; see if you can identify WHY you are so unhappy, at root. Don't feel obligated to play; when it's right, you'll want to do so. If you try to play thinking 'I'm no damn good at this', you will in fact be no good, and every mistake you make will merely reinforce your negative self-image. Try to figure out where you're at emotionally and spiritually, and seek the wisdom of others--professionals, since they can be more impartial than family and friends. Personally, in times of great need I find prayer helps me a lot. I pray for clarity of mind and calmness of spirit, and the ability to accept what is.

Things WILL get better; I have no doubt. Like every other human being, you are in a very down period, but you can and will get back into the sunlight. Your whistles, and the joy of playing them, will be there waiting for you.

By the by, who ever said you have to achieve a certain level of excellence to play in sessions? And what is wrong with playing to entertain yourself? Nobody, and nothing.

[fancypiper]

And what is wrong with playing to entertain yourself?

I play exclusively to entertain myself and consider myself ahead in the game when nobody shouts "put that d43^ whistle down and give us some peace!"

[pthouron]

Andreaz,

Yep... Going through the same rough patch right now. Still love'em, look at'em and touch'em, but haven't played'em in a long while. Figure I'll get back to it at some point.

pt

[lixnaw]

a flat style keyboard on a button box is very much played like a whistle.
while a stepped keyboard is more related to string instruments, and concertina's in ergonomic ways.
you play it with your fingertops. http://www.buttonbox.com/newba.html#but4
so while playing button box, you'll improve your whistle playing, and the other way round.

[Cathy Wilde]

I basically didn't play for 5 years. When I started again I was much better, both mentally and musically -- and much the happier for it, so the break turned out to be good.

Sometimes it's best to just trust that you're exactly where you need to be: the reason why you're there will reveal itself later. Meanwhile, the advice on depression, etc. is all good. I think most of us musical types know something about those dark woods or we wouldn't keep picking paths that can so easily take us into them.

So, in a nutshell (and boy do I know about those):

First, a counselor is good.

Second, CONGRATULATE YOURSELF for being brave and sensitive and inquisitive enough to even be interested in, and tackle, and care about, such a tough subject in the first place (many people go thru life just watching TV and being conversational houseplants).

Third, give yourself a break. You're a better whistle player than at least 90% of the rest of the planet.

And fourth, take your cheapest whistle and paint it purple or nail it to a tree or do something utterly horrible to it, just for grins. They're only tubes, after all. They don't care; it's not like THEY'RE going to judge you or anything.

(And speaking of mere tubes, as for other people? Hey, at sessions and workshops 99% of us other attendees are so busy beating up on/worrying about ourselves that we DON'T EVEN NOTICE anyone else's problems.)

Good luck, kiddo. And do try to be proud of yourself for your curiosity and wit and yes, TALENT. The other stuff is just the downside of all those things; but it too shall pass .... just trust that, okay?

[peeplj]

For what it's worth, I've been there. There was a time in my life when I went years without touching flute or any other instrument.

Oddly enough, it was a result of attending a flute workshop--maybe not everyone benefits from workshops. I know it left me feeling discouraged, hopeless, and burned out. I felt then that in attending that workshop I had lost something vital out of myself--the part of me that enjoys making music, that finds such joy in it, that part of me slept and did not wake for years.

I want you to find two things to keep from my sharing this painful memory with you: the first is that I have experienced what you are feeling. You are not alone or unique in feeling like this, reacting like this.

The second is that it is temporary, your music will wake up again in your heart even if it takes years.

In the meantime, find peace, with or without whistles, find peace and heal.

--James

[cj]

I haven't been to any workshops, but I can relate to the feeling of losing interest in playing. I haven't played much in the past several months either. But I tend to agree with brewerpaul, that sometimes it's good to try something else. I'm the kind of person who can get bored easily, so I have a few things going at once, which probably means that I'll never master any instruments, but oh well. . .

So your problem may or may not be depression. It may just be time to do something else. I've fought depression myself, but it is treatable. There are great meds, but what works for me is getting enough sleep, enough exercise, and being around supportive people.

I too get disappointed that I can't play like Mary Bergin, but I have to accept that I never will. I just do it for my own pleasure, just as I also sing and play guitar. I'll never be famous or even very good, but I've gotten better and even a few compliments.

Good luck, and I hope the gray clouds pass soon.

[computer-mom]

Andrea,
I agree with most of the things the other posters have said (well, with all of it that I read, although I didn't read all of it.) I just want to add a couple things:

About four years ago, I reached a point in my whistle playing where I was bored playing by myself and for myself only. I wanted to share my music with somebody else, and I knew there was no way my family was going to ask me to "play a few tunes" for them. I thought, "Where can I find people so desperate for entertainment that they would actually enjoy hearing me play?" For me, the answer was a nursing home. I've been playing at them for four years now, and I really enjoy it. The patients are a very appreciative - and forgiving - audience. They sing along, they have fun, they don't care if I make a mistake. I think this is how it was in the old days, before radio and television, when families had to make their own entertainment. It has its drawbacks; I have to put up with coughing and alarms going off (when it's medicine time), but I don't find it as annoying as the noise of an esspresso machine.

I also was able to get into a beginners' session, playing with musicians who were better than I was but not ready for the session the really good players go to. I learned a lot playing with them.

I would love to be able to play in a session, and last summer, I went to one of the "big time" sessions and actually played a piece or two. The people there were very encouraging.

Also, it took me 10 years to learn to play the whistle. When I started, I was so discouraged by the horrible tone quality I got that I put it aside and went back to my clarinet (8 years in school band). I took a few piano lessons too. I tried it again a few years later, and again a few years after that, and that time, something clicked. I could stand to listen to myself practice, and I've stayed with it since that time.

I wish all the best.

[andreaz54]

A big thank you to all of you who took the time and were concerned enough to write and try to help me out. You have all given me some good advice and alot to consider.

When I really think about it my decline in whistle playing runs parallel to my return to work. I AM prone to Clinical Depression, severe and reoccuring to the point that for over a year I was off work and was collecting SSI disability. I got to the point where I was beginning to feel like...well...useless. And also tired to death of being home all day or running around shopping or doing something useless to use up time. My depression seemed to be under control so I decided to go back to work. Once back, however, it seemed and seems that I never have any time ...not like I did. And it has really thrown me off track.

And alas, the depression is back full force. I do see someone and we have run the gamut of medicatons. My system is so sensative that nothing agrees with me. My doctor finally found an anti-seizure drug called Lamictal that is supposed to help with depression that does not give me side effects. The only thing is that it is not helping and has not been helping for months. But I'm just too weary to tell him because I don't think even he knows what to do anymore. He says he has given me everything on the market and all of it makes me sick. My son has suggested that I try someone he has recommended so I am in the process of doing that.

Added to that is a huge problem within my family. Just call it a giant family crisis concerning my mom and dad and my sister.. who has caused all the bedlam. This has been going on for 2 years and has just worn me out and now it has really come to a head. It is just too involved to even go into.

Plus, as far as my playing goes, I AM too hard on myself. And I think the suggestions that I maybe try a different instrument for variety are right on. I am going to do that. I have a need to be doing something I consider creative, and educational. I am the sort of person who needs to be learning all the time. If I am not I am left feeling empty.

It has been very helpful to know that I am not alone in these problems. Although I wish those of you who are suffering from depression were not having to go thru it too. And I hope those of you who share my lack of desire to play will get it back!

I got out my whistles today (my day off) and played around with a few tunes. A bit rusty but it came back. And I can still play from memory all the tunes that I was sure were lost. If it had not been for all of you they would not have come out to play today.

Well, I am rambling so I better shut up now!! Thank you, thank you once again. I'll keep you all posted if I get another instrument. I am still thinking of that bowed Psaltry.

Love to all.....AndreaZ

[feadog39]

Dear Andrea,
There is perhaps one small thing that i can add to the many helpful thoughts, reflections, and advice already mentioned. And that would be slow airs. Slow airs are a very special aspect of the tradition, many of them very old that are expressive of the most profound suffering or sadness. Now, i'm not suggesting that you should go wallow in saddness. But slow airs can be deeply moving and healing, as well as simply beautiful. Among my all time favorites is the slow air called 'Parting of Friends' played by Matt Molloy on the 'music at matt molloy' CD. God, i remember hearing a really beauful one called...Inisheer while i was travelling around the cliffs of moher in ireland. Seamus Egan and Larry Nugent also have great renditions of a number of slow airs. Others here i'm sure would have good ideas. Slows airs have brought me out of many a slump. Could perhaps call it music therapy.

In any case, i do wish you happiness and peace.

Oh, and one other thing. start taking YOGA. I'm serious. It will change you life. Yoga is by far one of the best things i've ever done for myself and my whistle playing...

[Kar]

I also feel like I will NEVER be able to play in a session, mostly because I play non Irish-trad so I'm never going to get good enough at any session tunes....

I'm lucky in that my boyfriend likes when I whistle, although the other roommates could care less. So, I know what you mean about whistling being lonely. And that can sap the desire to play.

However, if you play at all OK (meaning, you can play a simple tune), why not whistle in public places? I whistle all the time in places where I think it won't be obtrusive--the park, busy shopping streets (usually waiting for the bus), subway stations as long as they aren't *too* crowded. Passers-by are usually happy to hear music where there normally isn't anything going on. And you don't have to be great or even good--it's not a concert, it's just ambience.

See the Master & Commander post....I just recently whistled at the San Diego Maritime Museum and I think it certainly was a nice part of the whole experience, and I'm really just a mediocre player.

Also, I know Christmas carols and busk at the holidays. Those are easy, people like hearing them and you need to start sometime around August to get them memorized in time....might give you some motivation!

[Wombat]

Hi Andrea,
If you are having trouble finding an intidepressant that works, then that used to be a very common problem. I don't know anything about the latest generation of meds for depression but the old ones were pretty unimpressive. Yes, I do have first hand experience.

It sounds to me as though your life is currently very stressful. Sometimes life just is depressing. I'm no expert, but I think that sometimes depression is itself a symptom of something real and deep—a real problem you can't solve but can't learn to live with either. People can call it a disorder if they like, but if life is depressing, and there's nothing you can do about the root cause, it seems to me that the rational person gets depressed. Perhaps you can take meds to treat the underlying stress and anxiety. Sometimes just getting a good night's sleep can make a world of difference. As I said, I'm no expert, so you would need to check with your medical advisers that an anxielytic would be appropriate but it would at least be worth considering I think. Sounds to my like you have a family problem that ain't gonna go away and that would stress anybody out.

Good luck Andrea; we're all quietly cheering for you.

[BillChin]

I recently attended my first session and I felt like a little worm on the floor of the bar and came away quite discouraged. The session I attended is advertised as a "beginners session." There were several other beginners there with me probably attending their first session as well. Unfortunately, I think it was a bad experience for every beginner there that night.

Odds are I will never play in session. However, I do play at a monthly folk music group. I perform at open mics and similar venues. I enjoy my music. I write my own songs. I absolutely, positively know that I have touched many lives with the power of my music, and I doubt the run-of-the-mill session player can make a similar statement.

For others reading that experience depression, there is a self-help group that deals primarily with anxiety and depression:

http://www.recovery-inc.org/

There is a good chance that there is a meeting in your area. Meetings are open to any adult, the cost is a free will offering, usually $2 or $3. Recovery is a little known group, much less known than Alchoholics Anonymous (AA) or National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI), which is a shame, because the Recovery method is extremely effective. Some people in my group have tried virtually everything, from therapy, to various meds, to shock-treatments, and Recovery is what has helped the most.
+ Bill