I have just lost my will to play...HELP

andreaz54 · Post by **andreaz54** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:35 am

Hi All

I have not picked up a whistle in 8 months. I don't know what happened. I just lost my will to play. It seemed like I was just stuck in one spot and not making any progress, the workshop I attended in Gettysburg in the summer was a discouragment, I am never going to play in a session and I have come to realize that the possibility of anyone in my family asking me to pull out the old whistle and give them a few tunes is never going to happen in my lifetime. I just got tired of sitting all alone and playing for myself. I started to feel really bad about myself and figure I am an untalented jerk who cant do anything. I sold alot of wonderful whistles which I regret due to this slump and I feel bad about that, altho I know they got great homes.

But it torments me. All the whistles just sit there and I feel so bad all the time. Iv'e tried picking them up on occasion but just put them down again. I had so much passion to start. Can anyone help me or give me some advice? Has this happened to anyone else?? Thanks

tommyk · Post by **tommyk** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:41 am

Having a spouse with severe clinical depression, it sounds to me as if your lack of whistle interest is merely a side effect. Getting a recommendation from your doctor for a visit to a psychiatrist might be a very helpful way to go. It's obviously merely a guess (I don't know you) but if your seratonin (sp?) levels are low, you might not be physically (chemically) able to feel as good as you used to or motivated to do much of anything creative.

mvhplank · Post by **mvhplank** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:52 am

Andrea,

You just got some good advice.

I remember you clearly from the workshop, and how excited you were to attend. I'm very sorry it has such an effect on you.

I'm sending you a private message.

Take care of yourself!

Marguerite

fearfaoin · Post by **fearfaoin** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:53 am

tommyk wrote:Having a spouse with severe clinical depression, it sounds to me as if your lack of whistle interest is merely a side effect.

I am in the same situation as tommyk, and had the same immediate initial reaction as I read your post. It would be a very good idea to talk to a professional in case this is just a subset of a larger problem, as it sounds to us.

But just concentrating on the whistling part, why do you say you will never play in a session?

TelegramSam · Post by **TelegramSam** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 8:07 am

Yea, I'm in the same boat, but it's mostly due to school driving me COMPLETELY INSANE. Thankfully, May is not too far away, I just hope I won't have forgotten everything by then.

tommyk · Post by **tommyk** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 8:12 am

Marguerite,

Please check your PMs; I PMed you last week about the workshop.

glauber · Post by **glauber** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 8:47 am

Andrea, i'd love to hear you play a few tunes! Could you manage to send something to "Clips and Snips"?

FJohnSharp · Post by **FJohnSharp** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:29 am

I attended a workshop and I hated it. I came away discouraged too. I don't think workshops are good for people who are sort of beginning/early intermediate. It's too easy to get left behind. That happened in a writing workshop I attended. I didn't write for weeks afterward (and the whole point is to be energised). I eventually started back and have been published etc, but I'll not go to another workshop (whistle/writing) without knowing I can get out of it what I want to get out of it.

In terms of whistling goals, this is something I've been dealing with too. At first I swore I'd never play in a session, that I was just playing for myself. But that gets old fast, and my teacher said that I won't really improves much past where I am now unless I start playing with other people. So I bundled up my courage and went to a ceili rehersal at an Irish club near me. I only knew 4 tunes but I played the hell out of those 4 tunes and they were glad to have me. No one heard my mistakes. And this week I found another place that does sessions and I emailed them and he was very welcoming. I plan on going there soon.

I can't speak to the depression issue. All I know is workshops and whistles. And that's my 2 cents

Redwolf · Post by **Redwolf** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:29 am

As a chronic sufferer of clinical depression myself, I second the recommendation to see your doctor. You've just described the exact same emotional situation I find myself in when I'm "back in the pit," as I put it. You don't have to suffer...depression is a medical condition, and is highly treatable. Please go see your doctor as soon as possible.

Redwolf

P.S. It's one thing to be discouraged, but we're talking about eight months here of not having the motivation to do something previously enjoyed, and that sounds like depression, not simple discouragement. Further, it seems to be growing, not abating.

carrie · Post by **carrie** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:38 am

Andrea,

I share your feeling that without the social aspect, the music is not The Music. It's hard to make time for musical get togethers or going out to sessions; believe me I know. So it's been a great pleasure to me to have correspondence and musical collaborations via recording with fellow board members. Lots of people who are regulars in the chat room do this virtual collaborating. We even tried a virtual session, sort of, each of us adding in another line on a recording of The Kesh that one of our younger chatters, energy, started on low whistle. And you are always welcome in the chatroom, where we occasionally even talk about music!

Take care of yourself!

Carol

Zubivka · Post by **Zubivka** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:42 am

Andrea, just yesterday, I wondered about your silence on this board, and missed you.

Indeed, serotonin may be a piece of the puzzle. In which case, this new Spring will contribute to help you out. The fact that you just were able to come and speak of yourself here is already a healthy sign. Stick around.

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:47 am

Andrea, I have a slightly different perspective on this which isn't meant to nullify the comments of those who've suggested you check out depression. I think that what you describe is, to some degree or other, experienced by perhaps a majority of musicians from time to time, from beginners to not just professionals but recording stars. Some musicians want to destroy their instruments and give up playing when they hear someone who can play things they can't, even though what they do play is thoroughly worthwhile. Other pros just find the frustrations of the business periodically get too much for them and they have to take a holiday from it. The holiday might extend for anything from a few weeks to over a decade. And I'm talking about very accomplished musicians here.

So, regardless of your level which really doesn't matter for what I'm saying, frustration and lack of motivation can kick in and overwhelm you. This isn't unusual, it is very common. Music should be fun and it is a shame when it isn't. It can be fun for the person just stumbling through their first tune. But it is frustrating for everyone. I myself take the occasional holiday, usually not for long. But I don't really worry about it or try to analyse it; one day a few days or weeks later I just feel like playing, I pick up an instrument and off I go.

Good luck, but however you tackle this, don't feel that this is a personal failure and don't feel that you are alone. I could astonish you by listing some of the high-profile musicians who have suffered from just this problem, but I don't really feel free to make names public. Oh, just one example which is on the public record; Paddy Keenan tells the story of trying to pawn his pipes and when offered an insulting amount for them being on the verge of throwing them in a dustbin. A friend intervened, bought them for less than they were worth, but with the promise that he'd sell them back for the same price later when Paddy felt ready to play again. We all know how this story ends.

susnfx · Post by **susnfx** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:08 am

I agree with Wombat. I was obsessed with the whistle and Irish music for nearly two years - then suddenly didn't pick up a whistle for months. I'd completely lost interest. I started becoming more and more involved in another artistic endeavor. Then a couple of months ago I went through another period of immersion in ITM and the whistle - listening to CDs, playing tunes, and enjoying it thoroughly. Once again it subsided and I haven't picked up a whistle in a couple of weeks now. I too have been very tempted during these times to sell off my whistles...but have decided this is an interest that's going to wax and wane...and I'll just hold onto them until the next time I feel like playing. Keep a couple of Generations on hand and they'll be there when you need them!

Susan

E = Fb · Post by **E = Fb** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:14 am

I think that during their lives every human being gets to where you are now. There is life and joy on the other side of this. I know I'll bug some people by suggesting this, but try reading the book of John in the Bible. If you are not religiously inclined, think of the reading as a sort of mantra for clearing the mind. Whether you feel the events described ever happened or not, that book has a built-in spirituality that (in my own words) re-aligns the brain neurons towards peace. (Again in my own words) it gets the brain polarity pointing in the right direction. The person who wrote that book had profound depth of spirituality and understanding that just flows from the pages. To me it's like listening to great music. It changes me inside.
I think I speak for everyone on this board when I say that our hearts are with you in this.

burnsbyrne · Post by **burnsbyrne** » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:54 am

Andrea,
Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and loss of interest in things or people who used to be very important to you, that have lasted longer than two weeks, are symptoms of depression. If you add problems sleeping and weight changes the diagnosis is very probable. Going to a psychiatrist or psychologist won't hurt and may very possibly help you very much. Take the initiative and make the call. You will never regret it.
Mike