OT - Feeling like shyte...

JessieK · Post by **JessieK** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:26 am

Thanks, Kathy, James and everyone who wishes me well.

To everyone...

For years, I struggled with a marriage that, despite my best attempts, was not really working, except musically, much of the time. I reached out for other forms of entertainment and intimacy, including this community. I took it way too seriously and took too much offense at comments directed toward me, because this WAS (a great deal of) my support network. I want to apologize for taking the bait a whole bunch of times and for fighting people for being themselves and for everything else I did to bother people. I do have an extensive knowledge of whistles, and I used that as some sort of leverage that I had convinced myself afforded me some extra privileges. At the time, of course, I just couldn't help myself. Then a year and a half ago, my world (as I knew it) fell apart when my then-husband refused to have children, the one thing I couldn't sacrifce to be in that marriage. So I left and moved 1000 miles away, into my parents' house. I was positively miserable for months. When, after other times when I actually HAD tried to say that people were wrong for doing or writing things, or whatever it had been, I was misunderstood (about the whistle tube that Beth had made) and five "hate Jessie" threads popped up simultaneously, that was probably an all-time low for me. I hadn't meant any offense when I said "So you made a tube?" I guess people were just geared up to misunderstand my meaning. I honestly hadn't realized that I had alienated so many people. I am truly sorry for that. But at that point, after crying for three days straight, I was forced to look elsewhere for community, and I decided I'd had enough of being less than happy with life. I changed my outlook and met an amazing man who, through mutual love and understanding, has helped me to shed bad habits and become more of the person I am meant to be. In loving him and joining my life with his, I am happier than I have ever been, by a long shot, and I feel compelled to connect here again, in a limited way, as a whole person. So...I am very sorry (and embarrassed) for the negativity of days gone by. And I am still available for answering whistle questions, though instruments are not the focus of my life anymore.

Thanks to those who have been kind to me, even when I wasn't able to be a full person.

~J

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:36 am

All I can say is congratulations Jessie and best wishes for the future.

avanutria · Post by **avanutria** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:37 am

Congratulations Jessie; health and happiness to you and your new family.

aderyn_du · Post by **aderyn_du** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:41 am

I highly recommend red raspberry tea (the real leaf stuff, not Bigelow or Celestial Seasonings). It helps to tone the uterus, gives much needed minerals, and seems to work well for many women with morning (or all-day <g>) sickness. Remember to eat frequent, small meals.

A very happy, healthy nine months and beyond, Jessie!

Best wishes,
Andrea

JessieK · Post by **JessieK** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:44 am

Beth, you impress and amaze me with all your fearless travel and exploration. I am not at all surprised that everyone who meets you, loves you. I'm sorry our paths didn't cross in Ireland (I know it was my own fault). We took a detour in Connemara and ended up staying for a while. Then we came home early to begin our life together and tell our families. Anyway, I watch your travels in awe. I marvel at how completely you embrace life and opportunities. Thank you for the good wishes.

Thanks Wombat, and Andrea...I will look into that tea! (Eating leftover pasta with meat sauce as I type.)

madguy · Post by **madguy** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:45 am

Jessie, I remember you on this board from quite a while ago, and when all the negativity surroundind you began I'm ashamed to admit that I fell into it. I should have known better when Loren was usually by your side. Your post about what circumstances may have led to some of us misunderstanding what you were saying was very enlightening, as well as revealing. My sincere apologies for anything I may have said to offend you, and please know that I have always respected your views about whistles and music, and that I wish nothing but the best for you and your new family.

~Larry

Roger O'Keeffe · Post by **Roger O'Keeffe** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:45 am

Cutie-Pie: the Next Generation

Brilliant news! Congratulations! OK, the next twenty-odd years are the hard part, but it's still worth it.

Even when you were absent or lurking, never mind snapping back because you were a bit touchy, plenty of people here were sympathetic and wished you well. I'm delighted things have worked out so well for you.

There's a BEHEMOTH thread on standby to receive the first photos a few months hence.

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:48 am

Hi Jessie.

I have a friend who is in the same boat as you right now, and all I can say is that I am very happy being male (as if I had a choice!)

All I can do is wish you the best. Also I never participated in the dust ups that you seem to get yourself into, but can say that the times you responded to my questions have been very helpful. Thank you.

MarkB

JessieK · Post by **JessieK** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:49 am

Madguy, thank you very much. And Roger, I am sorry for not quickly forgiving your accidental time travel on the board. It was just bad timing. I am heartened by the forgiveness I am receiving from those of you who are willing to give it.

madguy · Post by **madguy** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:53 am

Jessie, you're a classy lady, and always have been. I know your child will be a class-act, too.

~Larry

JessieK · Post by **JessieK** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:54 am

Outward indication of inner change...

my last big purchase: a minivan!

lddulcimer · Post by **lddulcimer** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:54 am

Thanks to those who have been kind to me, even when I wasn't able to be a full person.

I think very few of us are trully "full persons" - most of us are wounded and struggling in some way, shape or form. Some just hide it better than others.

We are all just "on the road"............

As one who lurked as a guest on the board for a long time, I have learned a lot from you and your posts - thank you for always being willing to share and help us newbies.

The very best to you both for the future - may it be bright and wonderful and always full of love.

madguy · Post by **madguy** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 10:57 am

JessieK wrote:Outward indication of inner change...

my last big purchase: a minivan!

Full of whistles and flutes..................and diapers???

~Larry

jim_mc · Post by **jim_mc** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 11:10 am

Congratulations on all fronts, Jessie! Pine Bush, now, huh? We're nearly neighbors. I'm in Highland Mills (town of Woodbury).

ErikT · Post by **ErikT** » Thu Sep 11, 2003 11:17 am

Hello, Jessie!

I'm glad that so many things are going so well for you. Congratulations on your baby... I know a wife (mine, as a matter of fact) that is going through the same pains, so I can at least empathize a little. I hope that you feel better soon. At about 12 weeks Julie is starting to feel better, maybe you'll be similar.

Best,
Erik