Heck, I'm considering moving to California so I can RUN !Paul wrote:Finally a qualified candidate!I'm moving to California just so I can vote now!
In your heart, you know Chiff & Fipple is right
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brewerpaul
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Nanohedron
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Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
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Jayhawk
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What I need to know before I vote is simply this:
Is Chiff and Fipple the official candidate of the Kwela Party?
Or, is Chiff and Fipple the official candidate of the Recorder Party and this whole website nothing but a front to cover up for your overly-holed policies? Admit it, you've been waiting just for this moment to reveal your true self!
Is Chiff and Fipple the official candidate of the Kwela Party?
Or, is Chiff and Fipple the official candidate of the Recorder Party and this whole website nothing but a front to cover up for your overly-holed policies? Admit it, you've been waiting just for this moment to reveal your true self!
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Dale
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Positions
Chiff & Fipple for Governor of California 2003.
Developing positions on the issues:
The economy:
The Californian economy, indeed, the US economy, is a complex thing that requires understanding and the courage of positive leadership to move California, and indeed the USA, into stronger economic times.
The environment:
California, and indeed, the world, needs a healthy and safe environment, balancing the need for "clean" with the need for "jobs" and "money." See "The economy."
Taxes:
Taxes are necessary to support our necessary government functions, including environmental safeguards and the economy. We want to tax Californians, and indeed all Americans, in a way that permits necessary functions in government but without having a government that is "too big" or "too small" and without requiring any citizen to pay more than his or her "fair share."
Homosexual/Gay Rights:
There are plenty of gay people in California. More per capita, in fact, than in the rest of the US, except maybe parts of New York. By "plenty" I don't mean to say "too many" just "lots." Every gay person deserves to be treated as well as every straight person, while taking into account their basic "gayness," but without overemphasizing the gayness of them. As for gay marriage--were you going to ask me about gay marriage?
Gay Marriage:
Like the the Californian economy, indeed, the US economy, gay marriage, indeed, all marriage, is a complex thing that requires understanding and the courage of positive leadership to move California, and indeed the USA, into stronger gay rights times, balancing those, of course, with straight rights.
War and the military:
We support our troops. War is hell. It is also complex. We, do, however, support our troops.
Crime:
Crime, especially the more serious crime, is a serious problem in California and America (and in some of Europe). Chiff & Fipple is opposed to crime--and the more serious the crime, the more serious Chiff & Fipple is in being opposed to it and the more strong leadership Chiff & Fipple will bring to bear on the problem of crime, which is pretty darn serious.
Campaign Finance Reform:
Man, is it ever expensive to run for Governor. Especially when you live in Alabama. WHooo! Indeed, it probably would be that much more expensive to run for President. Here's the math:
Let x = the cost of running for Governor of California.
There are 50 states so:
The cost of running for President would be at least 50 x x, where that first x is "times" and the second x is "x".
Health Care:
One of the worst thing that can happen to a person is to get sick, and the more serious the sickness, the more worse it is. It can sure be expensive, too, if you don't have good health insurance. Or, worse, if you don't have ANY health insurance. Which I do. But, anyway. For example, my youngest daughter has to have braces. We're talking about $4400! And nevermind that this is my 3rd daughter to get braces and one of them had to get them TWICE because she didn't wear her retainer. And, never mind that my WIFE got them a few years ago, too, even though I thought her teeth were PLENTY straight. So, we need to do something about the cost of orthodontics and other health care.
Education:
Frankly, Chiff & Fipple is going to take a rather bold stand on this issue and tell you that we think education is overrated. Take, for example, the education that leads to a person becoming an orthodontist. All of those years of schooling are expensive and that's why they can get away with charging $4400 for braces. We need to reduce the cost of orthodontics training, make it more affordable to more people. That way there will be more orthodontists. More supply with the same demand means: Less expensive braces! (See The Economy, above).
Door bell sound effects on TV:
Chiff & Fipple is opposed to the use of "door bell sound effects" on TV. Like when you've got the TV on and you're not paying that much attention to it and a door bell rings ON THE SHOW and you get out of your chair to go the door thinking someone is at YOUR door. Man! Chiff & Fipple HATES that. We don't mind telephone sounds on TV so much because we pretty much can tell the difference between TV telephones and the one in our den.
Presidential Endorsement:
Chiff & Fipple is an independent with leanings toward the Democratic Party, except the bozos in the Democratic Party can't pull it together so, you know, maybe we're leaning that way and maybe not. Know what I'm saying? Anyway, we would kind of like to support this Dean guy, but, yikes-a-hooty, something about him gives us the creeps. The stiff smile, the thick neck. We're not sure.
War on Drugs:
(Chiff & Fipple will be back in a few minutes.)
Sorry. What?
Labor Unions:
My brother is a Teamster. I've hung out with him and some of his Teamster friends. Let me take this opportunity to express my genuine affection for these guys in the Teamsters. Great guys. Great.
---for more Chiff & Fipple Gubernatorial Positions, email us.
Developing positions on the issues:
The economy:
The Californian economy, indeed, the US economy, is a complex thing that requires understanding and the courage of positive leadership to move California, and indeed the USA, into stronger economic times.
The environment:
California, and indeed, the world, needs a healthy and safe environment, balancing the need for "clean" with the need for "jobs" and "money." See "The economy."
Taxes:
Taxes are necessary to support our necessary government functions, including environmental safeguards and the economy. We want to tax Californians, and indeed all Americans, in a way that permits necessary functions in government but without having a government that is "too big" or "too small" and without requiring any citizen to pay more than his or her "fair share."
Homosexual/Gay Rights:
There are plenty of gay people in California. More per capita, in fact, than in the rest of the US, except maybe parts of New York. By "plenty" I don't mean to say "too many" just "lots." Every gay person deserves to be treated as well as every straight person, while taking into account their basic "gayness," but without overemphasizing the gayness of them. As for gay marriage--were you going to ask me about gay marriage?
Gay Marriage:
Like the the Californian economy, indeed, the US economy, gay marriage, indeed, all marriage, is a complex thing that requires understanding and the courage of positive leadership to move California, and indeed the USA, into stronger gay rights times, balancing those, of course, with straight rights.
War and the military:
We support our troops. War is hell. It is also complex. We, do, however, support our troops.
Crime:
Crime, especially the more serious crime, is a serious problem in California and America (and in some of Europe). Chiff & Fipple is opposed to crime--and the more serious the crime, the more serious Chiff & Fipple is in being opposed to it and the more strong leadership Chiff & Fipple will bring to bear on the problem of crime, which is pretty darn serious.
Campaign Finance Reform:
Man, is it ever expensive to run for Governor. Especially when you live in Alabama. WHooo! Indeed, it probably would be that much more expensive to run for President. Here's the math:
Let x = the cost of running for Governor of California.
There are 50 states so:
The cost of running for President would be at least 50 x x, where that first x is "times" and the second x is "x".
Health Care:
One of the worst thing that can happen to a person is to get sick, and the more serious the sickness, the more worse it is. It can sure be expensive, too, if you don't have good health insurance. Or, worse, if you don't have ANY health insurance. Which I do. But, anyway. For example, my youngest daughter has to have braces. We're talking about $4400! And nevermind that this is my 3rd daughter to get braces and one of them had to get them TWICE because she didn't wear her retainer. And, never mind that my WIFE got them a few years ago, too, even though I thought her teeth were PLENTY straight. So, we need to do something about the cost of orthodontics and other health care.
Education:
Frankly, Chiff & Fipple is going to take a rather bold stand on this issue and tell you that we think education is overrated. Take, for example, the education that leads to a person becoming an orthodontist. All of those years of schooling are expensive and that's why they can get away with charging $4400 for braces. We need to reduce the cost of orthodontics training, make it more affordable to more people. That way there will be more orthodontists. More supply with the same demand means: Less expensive braces! (See The Economy, above).
Door bell sound effects on TV:
Chiff & Fipple is opposed to the use of "door bell sound effects" on TV. Like when you've got the TV on and you're not paying that much attention to it and a door bell rings ON THE SHOW and you get out of your chair to go the door thinking someone is at YOUR door. Man! Chiff & Fipple HATES that. We don't mind telephone sounds on TV so much because we pretty much can tell the difference between TV telephones and the one in our den.
Presidential Endorsement:
Chiff & Fipple is an independent with leanings toward the Democratic Party, except the bozos in the Democratic Party can't pull it together so, you know, maybe we're leaning that way and maybe not. Know what I'm saying? Anyway, we would kind of like to support this Dean guy, but, yikes-a-hooty, something about him gives us the creeps. The stiff smile, the thick neck. We're not sure.
War on Drugs:
(Chiff & Fipple will be back in a few minutes.)
Sorry. What?
Labor Unions:
My brother is a Teamster. I've hung out with him and some of his Teamster friends. Let me take this opportunity to express my genuine affection for these guys in the Teamsters. Great guys. Great.
---for more Chiff & Fipple Gubernatorial Positions, email us.
Last edited by Dale on Sat Aug 09, 2003 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Daniel_Bingamon
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Let's ask Dale a few questions:
Mr, Wisely,
As governor of California, would some of your first legislation be to resolve the long standing
argument regarding, Spit, Drool or Lung Condensation in fipples.
Would it be possible to outlaw fipple clogging so that whistlers will never have to put up with this.
My next question is regarding the care for whistlers with WhOA, as governor of California will WhOA patients be given proper care?
This is important stuff for whistlers, although I don't live in California - we would hope that you would be able to set an example for rest of the country.
Oh yes, one more:
Mr. Wisely,
Is is true that you have communicated with the Crystal People and are creating a Planetary Reception Network to Acuir^C ^C#@#$TRANSMISSION HALTED - WISELY CAMPAIGN MONITOR - CRYSTAL PEOPLE NETWORK.
Mr, Wisely,
As governor of California, would some of your first legislation be to resolve the long standing
argument regarding, Spit, Drool or Lung Condensation in fipples.
Would it be possible to outlaw fipple clogging so that whistlers will never have to put up with this.
My next question is regarding the care for whistlers with WhOA, as governor of California will WhOA patients be given proper care?
This is important stuff for whistlers, although I don't live in California - we would hope that you would be able to set an example for rest of the country.
Oh yes, one more:
Mr. Wisely,
Is is true that you have communicated with the Crystal People and are creating a Planetary Reception Network to Acuir^C ^C#@#$TRANSMISSION HALTED - WISELY CAMPAIGN MONITOR - CRYSTAL PEOPLE NETWORK.
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serpent
- Posts: 1366
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No, Larry. No.
BZZZZZZZT!! It's when Martin Milner changes his avatar and you don't know who he is anymore but you never understood why he quit TV in the first place when he was making so much moola and now he looks like some kind of ape. Or maybe it was somebody else.madguy wrote:It's what happens after you've seen too many Steve Martin stand-up routines!Paul wrote:Bravo Walden! I've been mesmerized!
Or maybe martinized... whatever!
What is martinizing anyway?
~Larry
serp
Add yourself to the Serpent Newsletter!
Send email to serpent@serpentmusic.com subject "add"
Send email to serpent@serpentmusic.com subject "add"
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Chuck_Clark
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Dale
Forget California! Your platform statement conclusively proves that you're ready for a national stage. It also convinces me that you're entirely too dangerous to be allowed to run around loose.
With Ariana, Arnold and Gary Coleman all running, no one will understand a single speech - which is probably just as well. It's just a shame that Herve Villechaize is no longer with us.
Forget California! Your platform statement conclusively proves that you're ready for a national stage. It also convinces me that you're entirely too dangerous to be allowed to run around loose.
With Ariana, Arnold and Gary Coleman all running, no one will understand a single speech - which is probably just as well. It's just a shame that Herve Villechaize is no longer with us.
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Walden
- Chiffmaster General
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Press Release:
For immediate release.
10 August 2003.
Waldco Enterprises finds the present Californian gubernatorial situation to be one of the most peculiar cases we have been called to encounter. In normal situations, corporate interests, such as ourselves, make large contributions to the two major parties. However, in this case, whe see a plethora of candidates. Arnold vs. Ahnold vs. Ariana vs. Chiff and/or Fipple. We may call this fiasco, "The People Versus Larry Flynt." With Gallagher on the ballot, the situation promises to be a smash.
Chiff & Fipple has declared a platform. Waldco Enterprises feels that this could be a mistake. It is our preference that candidates should be exceedingly vague. Even more exceedingly vague than this.
_______
LEGAL: Waldco Enterprises has no affiliation with the Waldco Foundation, Waldco Charities, or the Waldco California Monastery. Particularly Waldco Enterprises, and its CEO, Walden, disavow any association with Waldco California Monastery, and further disavow any knowledge of the honorarium paid to Chiff and Fipple by said monastery.
For immediate release.
10 August 2003.
Waldco Enterprises finds the present Californian gubernatorial situation to be one of the most peculiar cases we have been called to encounter. In normal situations, corporate interests, such as ourselves, make large contributions to the two major parties. However, in this case, whe see a plethora of candidates. Arnold vs. Ahnold vs. Ariana vs. Chiff and/or Fipple. We may call this fiasco, "The People Versus Larry Flynt." With Gallagher on the ballot, the situation promises to be a smash.
Chiff & Fipple has declared a platform. Waldco Enterprises feels that this could be a mistake. It is our preference that candidates should be exceedingly vague. Even more exceedingly vague than this.
_______
LEGAL: Waldco Enterprises has no affiliation with the Waldco Foundation, Waldco Charities, or the Waldco California Monastery. Particularly Waldco Enterprises, and its CEO, Walden, disavow any association with Waldco California Monastery, and further disavow any knowledge of the honorarium paid to Chiff and Fipple by said monastery.
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madfifer9
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I laughed so hard at the Chiff & Fipple Gubernatorial Positions that my laugh got all high pitched and embarrassing.
Then I emailed for more.
I wish I lived in Calif so I could help put C&F in office. I need more good laughs!
Linda S.
madfifer9
Then I emailed for more.
I wish I lived in Calif so I could help put C&F in office. I need more good laughs!
Linda S.
madfifer9
When whistles are outlawed, only outlaws will have whistles!
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RonKiley
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Will you, if elected, promise to work to assure that rec**d*rs are not treated as second class instruments? Will you see that whistlesmiths are able to obtain exotic hardwoods at 1/10th of what they are now paying and in much greater quantities? Of course you will protect these hardwood forests from those who would exploit them. If you can meet these needs we are behind you at least 50%. I am sure that this board alone will provide 20,000 votes.
Ron
Ron