Anti-WHOA Legislation

PhilO · Post by **PhilO** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 7:50 am

I thought I was ok; I even posted months ago that I would just amass full lines of Copelands and Abells and be done with it. Well, as of yesterday, I'm droolingly awaiting Alba, Serpent and Harper to round out my collection. I tried music lessons; I tried to adopt the somewhat surly, but perfectly logical position espoused by many that it's not the whistles, but the player....blah, blah....nothing helps.

Pursuant to the foregoing, I hereby propose legislation (has to be at the federal level; the UN is hopeless) to immediately outlaw the production, possession, sale or playing of whistles (defined as any end-blown flute). Such will bring jail time. Discussion in this area will lead to serious fines. Therefore, all makers will have to stop now. There will be an amnesty program, wherein whistles can be turned in without penalty during the next 30 days. Please send all whistles to the new federal government agency charged with whistle protection (distinct from any existing whistleblower laws):

The PDO - address to be provided later.

Regards,

Philo (aka Philip David Osattin)

jim stone · Post by **jim stone** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:10 am

In addition, whistles should be registered, there
needs to be a check for addicts before sales.
I also propose a community based buy-back
program, with federal matching funds.
Of course the single most important
goal of legislation is to keep whistles
out of the hands of children. Whistles
lead to the hard stuff, flutes.

Mack.Hoover · Post by **Mack.Hoover** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:12 am

Will there be any grandfather exemptions in your legislation?

And will Senator Philip David Osattin perchance chair the whistle collection agency?

Will whistles suffice in lieu of money for the fines?

A concerned spokesman for WOW.

jim stone · Post by **jim stone** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:15 am

Is that War on Whistles? Wonderful!
Our version of methadone will be
the kazoo.

PhilO · Post by **PhilO** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:22 am

Yes, yes, wonderful ideas all! I propose Jim for Chair (a term first used for the head of the Ottoman Empire).

Philo

blackhawk · Post by **blackhawk** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:25 am

By all means, we need the gov't to protect us from ourselves!

tansy · Post by **tansy** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:25 am

sounds like it's time to up the meds!

FJohnSharp · Post by **FJohnSharp** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:37 am

We should frisk everyone at the door.

Chuck_Clark · Post by **Chuck_Clark** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 8:40 am

Sounds to me like a few folks have been tokin' just a tad too heavy on the ol' happy weed.

RoyalGoldReps · Post by **RoyalGoldReps** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:02 am

Said address will be:

MY ADDRESS!

Steven

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:10 am

jim stone wrote:Is that War on Whistles? Wonderful!
Our version of methadone will be
the kazoo.

Kazoo? Great idea. In fact I just ordered, from KazooShoppe a low Green Plastic and an authentic American Kazoo Co. metal Kazoo dated around 1938. Also I just found locally, and am going to get, two of the plastic push tops. One in high blue and the other a tweaked red ABS.

Yep. I can feel WHOA disappearing already.

Questions:

1. How do you keep from dropping the Kazoo when playing C#?
2. What's the best low price kazoo?
3. What's better, wood, plastic or metal?
4. How do I tweak my kazoo?
3. Do you use Reynold's brand wax paper or the "local" brand?
4. Is it easy to do a cran on a low kazoo?
5. Who are some good kazoo players to listen to?
6. What kind of breath control does a Brimm's Kazoo require on the upper octave?
7. What is the loudest Kazoo that will be heard over a demi-john and washboard?

chas · Post by **chas** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:35 am

Phil, Congratulations on recognizing your condition. I believe I posted a few months ago that, other than the two Swaynes, two Grinters, and two O'Riordans I had on order, I wouldn't buy anymore whistles. And, after I got my Bleazey flute, I swore off flutes for a couple of years (also a Grinter on order there).

I've since gotten the Harper C, a Greenwood/Boisvert D, and just ordered a Thin Weasel E. I also have on the way a Dixon 3-piece polymer flute.

There really are just too many fine whistles out there to let everybody else have them.

Besides, you'll never get it through -- the National Whistle Alliance will just grease the palms of members of both parties and squelch the whole thing.

Mack.Hoover · Post by **Mack.Hoover** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:47 am

No, no, NO!

Whistlemakers Of the World aka WOW unite agains this injustice!!

We Owners of Whistles aka WOW

Join WOW NOW!

World Order of Whistledefenders aka WOW

Wow, I can't believe this is happening.

All I can say is
Wow!

jim stone · Post by **jim stone** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:48 am

the deep difficulty about playing
the kazoo, especially in public,
is that nobody will ever take
you seriously ever again.

blackhawk · Post by **blackhawk** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 9:50 am

When whistles are outlawed, only outlaws will have whistles!