Blue
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Jerry Freeman
- Posts: 6074
- Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Location: Now playing in Northeastern Connecticut
- Contact:
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Nanohedron
- Moderatorer
- Posts: 38239
- Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: Been a fluter, citternist, and uilleann piper; committed now to the way of the harp.
Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
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Jerry Freeman
- Posts: 6074
- Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Location: Now playing in Northeastern Connecticut
- Contact:
Ralph's a little spooked.
For a few days, I wondered if he was still here, or maybe he'd left in search of romance and adventure. But I thought I heard him every now and then.
Then, night before last, I saw him for the first time in a couple of days, and I figured out what's going on.
Ralph (this is Ralph II) is quite a skittish mouse, compared to Ralph I, who would hang out and snack while I worked at the keyboard. Ralph I would look up at me every once in awhile with that mouse puzzlement expression and then go back to his business.
Ralph II, on the other hand, tends to grab a bite and then dart off, taking quite awhile to settle down to dinner and then run off again at the slightest rustle.
It seems that the almost empty peanut butter jar he's been working on was too close to the now completely empty peanut butter jar right next to it. When he would go to work on the almost empty one, it would jiggle and roll/bump against the jar next to it with a fairly loud (even to a human) clank. Apparently, this scared the mouse bejesus out of him. I've solved the glitch, but he's been a much less public mouse since that happened.
Also, he seems to be a rather clumsy mouse. Ralph I would do whatever he wanted with a few discrete rustles among the things under my desk. Ralph II, on the other hand seems to bang into things a lot, and he fairly often runs afoul of the baseboard hot water heating unit's thin aluminum fins, making a resounding zzzzzzzipping noise like a finger running across the teeth of a comb as he goes.
A package arrived for him today. Since he hasn't been speaking to me these last few days, I may just have to leave a note (there's one enclosed). I'm sure he'll be tickled pink.
Best wishes,
Jerry
For a few days, I wondered if he was still here, or maybe he'd left in search of romance and adventure. But I thought I heard him every now and then.
Then, night before last, I saw him for the first time in a couple of days, and I figured out what's going on.
Ralph (this is Ralph II) is quite a skittish mouse, compared to Ralph I, who would hang out and snack while I worked at the keyboard. Ralph I would look up at me every once in awhile with that mouse puzzlement expression and then go back to his business.
Ralph II, on the other hand, tends to grab a bite and then dart off, taking quite awhile to settle down to dinner and then run off again at the slightest rustle.
It seems that the almost empty peanut butter jar he's been working on was too close to the now completely empty peanut butter jar right next to it. When he would go to work on the almost empty one, it would jiggle and roll/bump against the jar next to it with a fairly loud (even to a human) clank. Apparently, this scared the mouse bejesus out of him. I've solved the glitch, but he's been a much less public mouse since that happened.
Also, he seems to be a rather clumsy mouse. Ralph I would do whatever he wanted with a few discrete rustles among the things under my desk. Ralph II, on the other hand seems to bang into things a lot, and he fairly often runs afoul of the baseboard hot water heating unit's thin aluminum fins, making a resounding zzzzzzzipping noise like a finger running across the teeth of a comb as he goes.
A package arrived for him today. Since he hasn't been speaking to me these last few days, I may just have to leave a note (there's one enclosed). I'm sure he'll be tickled pink.
Best wishes,
Jerry
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heartsong
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2003 9:29 am
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: a dewdrop
You really do need to read it out loud for full effect. 
Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss. (Read this to yourself
aloud - it's great!)
* * *
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes
your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is
corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the
network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so
your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the
macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to
flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
***
Best,
Gidge
Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss. (Read this to yourself
aloud - it's great!)
* * *
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes
your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to
report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is
corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the
network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so
your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the
macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to
flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
***
Best,
Gidge
Heres a funny one...hope it doesnt offend anyone
Goldberg finally dies, and ends up on the short list for heaven. St.
Peter (who is filling in for the usual person who greets the new Jewish
arrivals) asks Goldberg if he wants a tour before he settles into his new
accomodations. So off they go in a tour bus.
The first thing they see is a large builing with menorahs on the outside,
and a big magen david on the roof. "This is the Jewish heaven," says St
Peter. After they tour the facilities, they pass around the back of the
building, by the service entrance, there's a gigantic dumpster overflowing
with crab, lobster, and shrimp shells, as well as bacon wrappers.
The next building has a large minaret with a crescent on top. "This is
where the Muslims go," St. Peter informs Goldberg, as they get off to view
the stunning Islamic art in the mosque. Afterward, they see that around
the back of the Islamic heaven is an even bigger dumpster filled to
overflowing with empty beer, whiskey, and wine bottles, as well as bacon
and ham wrappers.
Finally, the bus passes the largest building of all, with a big cross on
top.
"Shhhhh..." says St. Peter, "This is for the Christians. Sorry. We can't
get off the bus and tour, they think they're the only ones here..."
I just about busted a gut on this one....Sorry if it offends as this is not meant to...C4 (who as been lurking from under the bed these past mnths)
Peter (who is filling in for the usual person who greets the new Jewish
arrivals) asks Goldberg if he wants a tour before he settles into his new
accomodations. So off they go in a tour bus.
The first thing they see is a large builing with menorahs on the outside,
and a big magen david on the roof. "This is the Jewish heaven," says St
Peter. After they tour the facilities, they pass around the back of the
building, by the service entrance, there's a gigantic dumpster overflowing
with crab, lobster, and shrimp shells, as well as bacon wrappers.
The next building has a large minaret with a crescent on top. "This is
where the Muslims go," St. Peter informs Goldberg, as they get off to view
the stunning Islamic art in the mosque. Afterward, they see that around
the back of the Islamic heaven is an even bigger dumpster filled to
overflowing with empty beer, whiskey, and wine bottles, as well as bacon
and ham wrappers.
Finally, the bus passes the largest building of all, with a big cross on
top.
"Shhhhh..." says St. Peter, "This is for the Christians. Sorry. We can't
get off the bus and tour, they think they're the only ones here..."
I just about busted a gut on this one....Sorry if it offends as this is not meant to...C4 (who as been lurking from under the bed these past mnths)
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Martin Milner
- Posts: 4350
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2001 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: London UK
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again
and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are on the barbie.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again
and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are on the barbie.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that schwing
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WyoBadger
- Posts: 2708
- Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2001 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: "Tell us something" hits me a bit like someone asking me to tell a joke. I can always think of a hundred of them until someone asks me for one. You know how it is. Right now, I can't think of "something" to tell you. But I have to use at least 100 characters to inform you of that.
- Location: Wyoming
So, there is small island off Madagascar, inhabited by a small tribe of people who live in thatched huts, feeding off what the land provides.
Though primitive in their lifestyle, this small tribe was surprisingly enlightened in its form of government. The tribe was governed by a council of elders, chosen by the people from among the wisest, most generous, and most prosperous members. The headman was in turn chosen by the council of elders, with a new headmen being appointed every five years. This headman presided over weekly council meetings, sitting in a Great Carved Wooden Chair as a symbol of the honor in which the council held him.
There was a man in the tribe who was well known for his generosity, eloquence, and above all his great humility. The council of elders came to the conclusion that he would be an ideal chief for the tribe. When told of their decision, he was at first unwilling (remember, he was a very humble man), but he was finally convinced that his people needed him.
"Brothers," he told the council, "I accept your appointment as headman of the tribe. I will lead you if you are willing to be lead, but I must request that I not be required to sit in the Great Carved Wooden Chair--I do not feel worthy of placing myself above you."
The council considered, and their spokesman responded thus: "Brother, it is your great humility that qualifies you to be our chief, and we would not take that away from you. You need not sit in the Great Carved Wooden Chair; only keep it in your home as a symbol of the honor in which we hold you."
This comprimise was acceptable to all. The new headman hired some workers who carried the Great Carved Wooden Chair into his grass hut, slung it up and secured it to the ceiling so it would be out of the way but there for all to see.
Unfortunately, that very same day tragedy struck. The tribal council gathered for a meeting in the man's house. The weight of the Great Carved Wooden Chair was much too great for a thatched roof to support, and without warning the entire hut collapsed, killing everyone inside.
Deprived of their leadership, the tribe fell into anarchy and chaos, and their beautiful civilization was laid waste.
The moral of this story?
People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
My compliments to anyone who read this in one sitting. Hee hee hee
Though primitive in their lifestyle, this small tribe was surprisingly enlightened in its form of government. The tribe was governed by a council of elders, chosen by the people from among the wisest, most generous, and most prosperous members. The headman was in turn chosen by the council of elders, with a new headmen being appointed every five years. This headman presided over weekly council meetings, sitting in a Great Carved Wooden Chair as a symbol of the honor in which the council held him.
There was a man in the tribe who was well known for his generosity, eloquence, and above all his great humility. The council of elders came to the conclusion that he would be an ideal chief for the tribe. When told of their decision, he was at first unwilling (remember, he was a very humble man), but he was finally convinced that his people needed him.
"Brothers," he told the council, "I accept your appointment as headman of the tribe. I will lead you if you are willing to be lead, but I must request that I not be required to sit in the Great Carved Wooden Chair--I do not feel worthy of placing myself above you."
The council considered, and their spokesman responded thus: "Brother, it is your great humility that qualifies you to be our chief, and we would not take that away from you. You need not sit in the Great Carved Wooden Chair; only keep it in your home as a symbol of the honor in which we hold you."
This comprimise was acceptable to all. The new headman hired some workers who carried the Great Carved Wooden Chair into his grass hut, slung it up and secured it to the ceiling so it would be out of the way but there for all to see.
Unfortunately, that very same day tragedy struck. The tribal council gathered for a meeting in the man's house. The weight of the Great Carved Wooden Chair was much too great for a thatched roof to support, and without warning the entire hut collapsed, killing everyone inside.
Deprived of their leadership, the tribe fell into anarchy and chaos, and their beautiful civilization was laid waste.
The moral of this story?
People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
My compliments to anyone who read this in one sitting. Hee hee hee
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Jerry Freeman
- Posts: 6074
- Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Location: Now playing in Northeastern Connecticut
- Contact:
Then there was the entrepeneur, William Tates, who went West during the gold rush only to discover that all the productive mining sites had been claimed. Not discouraged, however, he determined to make his fortune by manufacturing and selling to the miners something they needed. After much research, he concluded that there was a great, unmet need for compasses. So he set about making and selling compasses to the miners. As it happens, his compasses weren't reliable. And so we have the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost."
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Nanohedron
- Moderatorer
- Posts: 38239
- Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: Been a fluter, citternist, and uilleann piper; committed now to the way of the harp.
Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
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Martin Milner
- Posts: 4350
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2001 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: London UK
5 Female Secrets for a Perfect Relationship
1. It is important to have a man who helps you around the house and has a good job.
2. It is important to have a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to have a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important to have a man who is good in bed and enjoys making love to you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
1. It is important to have a man who helps you around the house and has a good job.
2. It is important to have a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to have a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important to have a man who is good in bed and enjoys making love to you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
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McHaffie
- Posts: 423
- Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2001 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Location: Rogersville, MO
- Contact:
Might as well repost to this thread too!!! :)
Little Billy is a straight A student in all subjects except for math in which he always gets an F. No matter what his parents try... personal tutors, talking with him, his teachers, etc. nothing seems to work. One day, some friends of theirs down the street suggested a private school. Billy's parents thought this might be a good idea and their friend said "oh yeah!! smaller classes, better teachers, and I bet I could get your son into the catholic school that my son goes to. "
So after much thought and another report card, Billy's parents agree.
The first day of school comes and Billy's father drops him off in his new school uniform and tells him not to worry and he'll se him after school. When school let's out and his father picks him up. Billy is silent all the way home. When they get home, he goes straight to his room and doesn't come out till dinner, then goes straight back to his room and doesn't come out until time for bed.
Well, this is very odd for a usually outgoing and happy golucky boy, and after several weeks of this behavior, even on most weekends, Billy's parents are getting worried rather than impressed and stop him on his way to his room which happens to be report card day. Upon opening Billy's grade card they find straight A's!! including MATH!!!
Obviously blown away, they ask him what made such a drastic diference? But Billy remained silent and gave them a solemn look. They asked him "Billy, was it your teachers? Do you like them better?" "No" "Was it the smaller classes? were you able to understand easier?" "No" "Well then.. what was it???!!!" "Well... (as he shuffled his feet, lower lip trembling a little) the first day of school, when I walked in and saw that one kid in the hallway nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!!!"
Hey... when there's an opportunity to re-post.. might as well take it!
Take care all!!!
John
So after much thought and another report card, Billy's parents agree.
The first day of school comes and Billy's father drops him off in his new school uniform and tells him not to worry and he'll se him after school. When school let's out and his father picks him up. Billy is silent all the way home. When they get home, he goes straight to his room and doesn't come out till dinner, then goes straight back to his room and doesn't come out until time for bed.
Well, this is very odd for a usually outgoing and happy golucky boy, and after several weeks of this behavior, even on most weekends, Billy's parents are getting worried rather than impressed and stop him on his way to his room which happens to be report card day. Upon opening Billy's grade card they find straight A's!! including MATH!!!
Obviously blown away, they ask him what made such a drastic diference? But Billy remained silent and gave them a solemn look. They asked him "Billy, was it your teachers? Do you like them better?" "No" "Was it the smaller classes? were you able to understand easier?" "No" "Well then.. what was it???!!!" "Well... (as he shuffled his feet, lower lip trembling a little) the first day of school, when I walked in and saw that one kid in the hallway nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!!!"
Hey... when there's an opportunity to re-post.. might as well take it!
Take care all!!!
John
"Remember... No matter where you go... there you are..."
-Buckaroo Banzai
-Buckaroo Banzai