People who've bought a new premium whistle and are unsure of keeping it after playing it for 13 seconds,
should send it to me with $58.75 and I'll give the whistle a thorough test and return it with a
25-point detailed checklist with insightful comments about each feature and factor of playability, so they can
have more suitable data with which to make rash decisions about totally subjective concerns.
In addition, if during or after this process they decide they really don't like the whistle and are profoundly appreciative
of my participation in their reckless behavior, they can send me the whistle to keep, for free
and I will promise to never contact them about that whistle again.
I might just extend this offer to owners of Ludwig drums, high-end guitars, Bosendorf pianos, Bach saxophones,
Korg and Yamaha keyboards, and for new owners of parrots, Kawasaki motorcycles, trampolines, motorhomes
and mountain bikes, for starters.