Could this sentence have been better written?

[Dale]

From a local newspaper article about a rabid bat.

The day after the state tests came back-- Jan. 13 -- three health department workers canvassed the area around the East Lake home where the bat was found delivering about 200 letters and leaflets to residents and encouraging them to vaccinate their pets, Coston said

[jsluder]

You can't blame the bat for wanting folks to vaccinate their pets. He was probably bitten by a rabid house cat, and wants to protect the other bats.

[Seonachan]

A little comma goes a long way.

You have to watch out for bats.

[Denny]

thar's a plan fer replacing cowtime with a rabid bat?

that's jes' not right

[Doug_Tipple]

Could this sentence have been written better?
An education professor (What do they know?) corrected a paper I had written. Whenever I separated a verb phrase, such as "have been written", he put a red circle around it. I don't know if he was right about that, or not.

[Seonachan]

Could this sentence have been written better?
An education professor (What do they know?) corrected a paper I had written. Whenever I separated a verb phrase, such as "have been written", he put a red circle around it. I don't know if he was right about that, or not.

How separated? Or maybe he circled it because it's in the passive voice?

[Nanohedron]

1) If the words and their order are to remain as is, put "where the bat was found" between parentheses or dashes. For me, parentheses work better in this case, although I prefer the dash. But the dash thing was already done, so:

2) Put a comma after "found", and change "delivering" to "and delivered".

Howzat? I like the 2nd way better, methinks.

[Dale]

Could this sentence have been written better?
An education professor (What do they know?) corrected a paper I had written. Whenever I separated a verb phrase, such as "have been written", he put a red circle around it. I don't know if he was right about that, or not.

Hmm. Well, "have been written" is the passive voice, which is generally not good.
I could have said "Could this sentence have been better written?" and that would have been more better, or even most best.
But, in my own defense, my sentence didn't have winged mammals engaging in public health advocacy work.

[Nanohedron]

Well, I'm still only half-informed. Is a red circle like a gold star? Kinda sounds like it could be...

[dwest]

I think the bat could have bitten better by golly. Off with his head!

[emmline]

The thing to keep in mind is that it's ok to stop one sentence and start a new one.

[Nanohedron]

Ah-HA!

[Denny]

what is sentence?

[emmline]

Ah-HA!

Well, unless you're Herman Melville.

[Nanohedron]

what is sentence?

Yeah, no kidding.