Told you so (guess my number pad isn’t working)! 
Regarding rescues: I am currently talking with a shelter who has contacts with various rescues in the central KY area. I’m also considering, if I do get a dog down the road, getting an older dog because it seems they’re harder to adopt–everybody wants puppies.
Again, thank you everybody for all the input. I really do appreciate it. If I get a dog eventually I want it to be a well-informed choice.
Boys have cooties too. Another reason to just stay away from them entirely.
Perhaps being a foster parent to shelter dogs while they’re waiting for a permanent home?
It could either be in your own home (with most expenses paid for by the agency) or you could volunteer at the shelter.
excellent suggestion hyldemoer
get a horse
Get a cat and join my one-man campaign for a dog-free world.
OTOH, songbirds kill billions of soil-enriching worms in NA every year. Think of all the nightcrawlers who owe their lives to those cats.
To heck with killer cats, I want a vicious bunny.
Considering your lack of success with other living creatures, you might want to opt for one of those robotic animals, or a Pronto Pup.
I have success with lots of animals. It’s just that one turtle I accidentally killed.
Yeah, but it’s that one f**kup that always comes back to haunt you. Plus the episode with the snake.
And dead Bridgette the Goldfish
And dead Mary Baker Eddy, also a goldfish.
And “accidentally killed” is a bit of an understatement. You dashed his guts out on a rock and left him there for the crows to pick at his eyes.
Of course many of those songbirds are also non-native invasive species, as well. The Shakespeare Society purposely released various species mentioned in the Bard’s works, in the 19th Century, with devastating effects on some NA species.