One of those days....
Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2018 5:46 am
Heh heh, I've just had "one of those days". But I thought some of you might find the details amusing.....
(I pause to consider which of you might find this story amusing. Would I want to spend time with people like that? Hmmmm.)
I got a tip-off, several days back, of what to expect. A fellow rang me, saying he was bundling up 9 flutes up to send to me. And that he'd "pulled all the metal off them". OK...
Mid-morning this morning and there's a knock at the front door. The postal package lady was there, with a three-foot long tube of 6" diameter poly sewerage pipe capped and taped at both ends. I signed her little scanning unit. Perhaps that was a mistake? Perhaps we could just have fled interstate?
I brought the parcel inside and stripped the duct tape off one end, revealing 4 screws. I removed the four screws, permitting me to take off the cap. From the tube I withdrew 6 bundles.
Each bundle was bubble-wrapped. Each bundle had electrician's tape running full length, and two lots of electrician's tape wrapped around each end. Getting electrician's tape off bubble wrap is harder than you might imagine. Time passed....
Most bundles, unbundled, yielded a flute, each one fully assembled. But several yielded more than one flute. There were indeed 9 flutes all up. Of differing lengths and types.
But each flute had been taped up, in several layers of clear packaging tape. Firstly, all the joints had been separately taped up. Perhaps a crude attempt to overcome any leakage between sections? But then, as if to make really sure that no molecule of air might pass unimpeded from inside to out, each flute was then fully encased in heavy-duty clear packaging tape from tip to toe. Or sometimes, just to confuse the unbundler, from toe to tip. Gruumph.
Now, what became clear is that this bundling hadn't just happened in the last few days. This had been done some considerable time ago. So the tape wasn't fresh, it was aged. Very aged. And you know what old packaging tape is like. Firstly, the adhesive hardens, making it really hard to get off. Secondly, the substrate becomes fragile, so easily tears into thin strips, making removing it very frustrating.
By this time, Jesse had realised something was up. Perhaps it was the unmitigated sobbing, I don't know. Women can be very sensitive in situations like this. So she sat down, and we both started to unwrap the flutes from their bindings. More time passed. Sharp knives and dressmakers scissors helped find ways in where fingernails failed. Bit by bit flutes were unbound, and the bin filled with spent tape.
That's when we found "the metal". Remember "he'd pulled the metal off them"? Realising that the aged pads were leaking and not having the facilities to deal with that, he had removed the keys ("the metal") so that he could play the flutes "keyless". Rather than risk losing any of the bits, he had pressed all the keys and pins onto the sticky side of long strips of wide gaffer tape. Then to seal the deal, he stuck another layer of gaff over the top, imprisoning "the metal" in a sarcophagus of sticky. Excepting again, this was done years ago, so sticky had turned to stone. Much more time passed. Words were uttered, many quite unsuited to this family-friendly page....
Indeed, by now, we had spent some 4 hours excavating flutes. Interestingly, some had dealt with their ordeal better than others. Some showed no signs of stress whatsoever, others had lost their surface finish and looked quite distressed. And speaking of distressed.....
No, the counselling sessions, the relentless bashing of heads against the brick wall, and a few litres of vin très ordinaire seemed to have done the trick, and I may well yet live to see the dawn. (To be advised....)
So, what are these 9 flutes, you demand, uncaring for the human debris on show before you. Not without interest:
8 key English flute by J Wallis, very dark stained cocus, decorative turned rings, lip plate, finger hole discs, big crack through head, 1 broken key.
8 key German flute, no name, at least one broken key
8 key William Henry Potter flute in boxwood, 2 broken keys. Pewter plug "valves", so very hard to get working!
8 key German flute, no name, needs padding, 1 missing ring, ebony
4 key D'Almaine & Co in D, short foot. Needs padding, 2 missing rings, missing cap.
4 key Band Flute in F by Gisborne, needs padding
1 key flute in F in boxwood by T. Croger. No stopper. Key needs padding.
1 piece fife in C at 455 Hz? Dark brown wood
1 key piccolo in D, black wood or ebony
I'm quite taken by the responsiveness of the boxwood Croger flute in F, except the tuning is execrable. I played a tune on it to Jesse and oldest son Ciaron. They begged me to stop. It was with relief and hope I found the stopper was missing. But is that enough to explain the most bizarre tuning you could imagine? To be determined....
Once I'm out of rehab, I'll look forward to coming to grips with these flutes.
And please remember. Don't send flowers to the hospital. Send cork grease.....
Well, enough. I'm off to bed. It's been "one of those days...."
(I pause to consider which of you might find this story amusing. Would I want to spend time with people like that? Hmmmm.)
I got a tip-off, several days back, of what to expect. A fellow rang me, saying he was bundling up 9 flutes up to send to me. And that he'd "pulled all the metal off them". OK...
Mid-morning this morning and there's a knock at the front door. The postal package lady was there, with a three-foot long tube of 6" diameter poly sewerage pipe capped and taped at both ends. I signed her little scanning unit. Perhaps that was a mistake? Perhaps we could just have fled interstate?
I brought the parcel inside and stripped the duct tape off one end, revealing 4 screws. I removed the four screws, permitting me to take off the cap. From the tube I withdrew 6 bundles.
Each bundle was bubble-wrapped. Each bundle had electrician's tape running full length, and two lots of electrician's tape wrapped around each end. Getting electrician's tape off bubble wrap is harder than you might imagine. Time passed....
Most bundles, unbundled, yielded a flute, each one fully assembled. But several yielded more than one flute. There were indeed 9 flutes all up. Of differing lengths and types.
But each flute had been taped up, in several layers of clear packaging tape. Firstly, all the joints had been separately taped up. Perhaps a crude attempt to overcome any leakage between sections? But then, as if to make really sure that no molecule of air might pass unimpeded from inside to out, each flute was then fully encased in heavy-duty clear packaging tape from tip to toe. Or sometimes, just to confuse the unbundler, from toe to tip. Gruumph.
Now, what became clear is that this bundling hadn't just happened in the last few days. This had been done some considerable time ago. So the tape wasn't fresh, it was aged. Very aged. And you know what old packaging tape is like. Firstly, the adhesive hardens, making it really hard to get off. Secondly, the substrate becomes fragile, so easily tears into thin strips, making removing it very frustrating.
By this time, Jesse had realised something was up. Perhaps it was the unmitigated sobbing, I don't know. Women can be very sensitive in situations like this. So she sat down, and we both started to unwrap the flutes from their bindings. More time passed. Sharp knives and dressmakers scissors helped find ways in where fingernails failed. Bit by bit flutes were unbound, and the bin filled with spent tape.
That's when we found "the metal". Remember "he'd pulled the metal off them"? Realising that the aged pads were leaking and not having the facilities to deal with that, he had removed the keys ("the metal") so that he could play the flutes "keyless". Rather than risk losing any of the bits, he had pressed all the keys and pins onto the sticky side of long strips of wide gaffer tape. Then to seal the deal, he stuck another layer of gaff over the top, imprisoning "the metal" in a sarcophagus of sticky. Excepting again, this was done years ago, so sticky had turned to stone. Much more time passed. Words were uttered, many quite unsuited to this family-friendly page....
Indeed, by now, we had spent some 4 hours excavating flutes. Interestingly, some had dealt with their ordeal better than others. Some showed no signs of stress whatsoever, others had lost their surface finish and looked quite distressed. And speaking of distressed.....
No, the counselling sessions, the relentless bashing of heads against the brick wall, and a few litres of vin très ordinaire seemed to have done the trick, and I may well yet live to see the dawn. (To be advised....)
So, what are these 9 flutes, you demand, uncaring for the human debris on show before you. Not without interest:
8 key English flute by J Wallis, very dark stained cocus, decorative turned rings, lip plate, finger hole discs, big crack through head, 1 broken key.
8 key German flute, no name, at least one broken key
8 key William Henry Potter flute in boxwood, 2 broken keys. Pewter plug "valves", so very hard to get working!
8 key German flute, no name, needs padding, 1 missing ring, ebony
4 key D'Almaine & Co in D, short foot. Needs padding, 2 missing rings, missing cap.
4 key Band Flute in F by Gisborne, needs padding
1 key flute in F in boxwood by T. Croger. No stopper. Key needs padding.
1 piece fife in C at 455 Hz? Dark brown wood
1 key piccolo in D, black wood or ebony
I'm quite taken by the responsiveness of the boxwood Croger flute in F, except the tuning is execrable. I played a tune on it to Jesse and oldest son Ciaron. They begged me to stop. It was with relief and hope I found the stopper was missing. But is that enough to explain the most bizarre tuning you could imagine? To be determined....
Once I'm out of rehab, I'll look forward to coming to grips with these flutes.
And please remember. Don't send flowers to the hospital. Send cork grease.....
Well, enough. I'm off to bed. It's been "one of those days...."