I've had some different perspectives on this topic this last year and besides, I'm a northerner living in the south. It gets confusing. I was raised to open doors for women and anyone else who may need the assistance. Also anyone younger than me in my group should go before me through the door. If an older person opened a door for me, I accepted the offer.

Earlier this year, I had the whole cane thing going on and everyone opened doors for me. I loved it. I could go through life like that but that's over.

Now, I'm running across young men, including young men in my group, who open doors for me. I'm not infirmed and I'm not that old. I don't make a fuss and just accept the offer graciously.

Am I missing something about manners on this specific topic?

A very tricky question. A lot depends on any infirmity and also who is nearest to the door. Around here, I find lots of people of both sexes hold the door open, after they have gone through, as a courtesy to not let it shut, but only if your are very near (within a yard or so), and regardless of sex. I do this all the time, for both sexes (I'm female). Most people in this area are more generous with older ppl/anyone handicapped and allow them to enter first. And in general, men are more likely to hold the door for me than women.
It's not completely followed, there are plenty of people of all ages who give no consideration to those who are right behind them, but I appreciate the small effort and try to "pay it forward".
I think we should all open doors for each other.

I like what Ketida said. That pretty much matches my observations. There's not so much of a strict protocol these days as to who should hold doors for whom...it's more of a generalized courtesy for those who observe such things.

As a rule of thumb, I guess that in almost any case where someone specifically held a door for me, I would not worry about the gender or age significance of such a gesture and simply graciously accept, and proceed.

And one can't forget the Dorothy Parker etiquette lesson for acknowledging the gesture.
Once in her long-running feud with Clare Boothe Luce, Mrs. Luce held the door open for Mrs. Parker to walk through and said, "Age before beauty." Mrs. Parker walked through and said, "Pearls before swine."

Thanks for the comments. Being without children, did I maybe miss the memo that all children of Southern breeding are now being taught to just open doors for anyone.

There's one young man that I know that has Southern manners coming out of his ears. Maybe I'll ask him what the rule is for opening doors. I was with him the first time that he drove a car through the Taco Bell Drive-Thru, when the lady asked how he was doing and what he would like to order, he said he was fine and politely asked her how she was doing, and waited and waited and waited for her to respond before he ordered.

I hold the door open for everyone, gender, age, baggage, no matter I just hold it open for everyone. I don't expect that same courtesy either. I do appreciate when it occurs. Manners? is that word still in vocabulary?

What I really enjoy observing is a double set of doors as when, I hold open the first door and person steps inside while I follow. Then that "moment" of who opens that second door. Sometimes it is so awkward while other times its amusing. But, some people just won't hold a door open for anyone... that's priceless! I always reach for the door second go round too, as now, its a matter of who gets in line first. Gotta love it.

I'd say that I would hold a door if it would still be moving by the time the other person reached it. More of a cadence/timing thing. I'm not the kind of person that would run around to the other side of the car to open the door for someone, but in general if it looks easier for me to do than the other (If they are carrying objects, crutches, etc.) then I'll gladly act as the third hand they need.

Strangest thing I have seen on several occasions is when a person hits the handicap/door open button to open a door when they are perfectly capable of opening the door faster and just as easily. I could see doing it once out of curiosity, but it just makes no sense to me otherwise.

I love the handicap button. I use them all the time. If anyone ever yells at me for using the button that may be in a valid position of authority, I'm just going to say that I'm testing the button to make sure it works. I really need servants, at least a personal valet.

There are plenty of folks with hidden disabilities and they might be using the handicap button because they actually have a disability. Our agency, which serves folks with disabilities, had a training a while back on hidden disabilities. Besides folks with hidden disabilities, that you wouldn't suspect are disabled, there are also folks who are choosing to "pass" as non-disabled, and then there are those folks, especially folks who obtained their disability later in life, who don't even recognize that they have a disability. My parents belong to the latter group. The training was provided to us so that we became more aware to give people more options. For example, professors at the university have been trained to not assign seats so that people with hearing or vision or other disabilities can choose their own seat that best accomodates their needs.

Universal design is a big focus too so that everything is accessible for folks with disabilities. That'll be a bit harder to achieve but it's still a goal. That'll probably be more like "one size fits most."

I really appreciated push-button door openers when I was on crutches last year. That was just crutches, but still it struck me how many heavy, hard-to-open doors I had to get through on campus, only one of which had the magic button. I could get through doors without the button, but it was a struggle on crutches and would have been nearly impossible in a chair.

That said, I would never use the button if I didn't really need it. It's like taking the elevator if you don't need it -- a needless waste of fuel which creates environmental guilt in people like me. Using the button wastes both the electricity needed to operate the door opener, and the building heating energy (probably from oil where I live) for all the warm indoor air that escapes in the extra-long time the door stays open when the magic button is used. (Yes, there's an arctic entry, but the magic button keeps the doors open so long that both inner and outer doors are often open at the same time, defeating the purpose of the arctic entry.)

It gets dark in the middle of the night again. I've seen migrating cranes. No wonder I'm thinking of winter . . . it will be here soon.

Sarah

P.S. As for opening doors for other people, I agree with what others have said: I open doors for whomever is near enough to make it seem natural, and will go out of my way to open doors for anyone who looks like they actually need some assistance.

Another general observation about what door-holding means these days:

It would be typical to completely open the door, hold it open, and allow the other person to pass through first in cases where the holdee is managing awkward objects, an infirmity, a baby stroller, etc. Generally, if none of these things apply, you're witnessing a more old-fashioned gesture...maybe some chivalrous tendencies.

More often, door-holding just means that you're aware that another person is approaching the same door you're in the process of using, so--rather than let it close in his/her face--you hold it open until he/she has approached and can complete the process. I always find this a little funny when the other person is 20 feet ahead of me and waits, holding the door, because then I feel obligated to walk faster. And I already walk pretty darn fast. I just hate inconveniencing people. This is partly why I dislike left turns when driving.

Then there is the type of door. I would hold an elevator door, but not a subway door in almost identical situations. I don't know if there is any etiquette for revolving doors.

There is. Keep moving.

Guess I wouldn't have though of it as I don't make a habit of standing in the middle of doorways either. Reminds me of walking down hallways of a building and finding four people having an impromptu meeting where 2 hallways intersect blocking traffic in four directions. Drives me nuts. Maybe it's a hold over from when I was in D.C. and people stood to one side of the escalator so that people could walk by.

Interesting escalator etiquette. I haven't seen that in the Twin Cities, as I recall; we just seem to do whatever. If I walk the escalator and come up to someone who's stationary, I stop and don't think anything of it; it is what it is. I wonder if the D.C. way would have anything to do with the idea of civic-minded people making way for possible govt. folks in a hurry.

I do see this etiquette applied more generally in airports with automated walkways, though I'm trying to remember: are there signs posted asking people to observe this? It's been a while.

Probably had more to do with the fact that in D.C. many people used the metro, and the metro had some long escalators.


It seems to irk some people.